Naturalism
by LadyYeinKhan
Summary: He's a former pilot. He's a weapon of death and darkness. They are so different, opposites...perfection for one another. If they can live to see it. MxM Shounenai. Complete. See first chapter for complete details
1. Chapter 1

**Naturalism**

_Disclaimer: Don't ask me why I wrote this. I have no idea. It just came to me. That's just how my mind works. Ok, this is my first post on , so be nice please. Constructive critism is always welcome. I don't own any of the gundam wing characters, places yada yada yada (or any lyrics that are used). The only thing I do own are my own creations, I.E. Nanashi. Please don't steal them. My characters mean a lot to me._

_Let's see...explained why i wrote, constructive critism, law stuff, don't steal my characters...oh ok here we go. Warning- this is shounen-ai. That means a male/male romance, in this case Trowa and Nanashi. I'm hoping to keep this PG-13 but it could also be considered R since there is violence, language, suicide, and attempted rape/molestation. SO I'M WARNING YOU NOW._

_And before anyone asks, I'm caling this "Naturalism" off of something I learned in English class. Naturalism is the belief that a person's personality and actions are affected by their upbringing and their surroundings. (read the book Grendel, prime example of it) So read the first chapter and you'll start to understand. Oh and one more thing. I'm a sap and a romantic, so be prepared for it_

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Chapter 1:

The brothers stood on the streets of the Colony. The older, a young man of 16 with deep azure eyes and a tan complexion smiled up at the screens that glinted through the window. He brushed a couple strand of auburn hair back and sighed. The younger looked down at him from his shoulders. His whitish hair fell comically into his big green and gray eyes.

"What's the matter Jack?" the little one asked. Jack smiled at his sweet little brother.

"Nothing's wrong, little one." Jack sighed. His brother smiled at his simple pet name. Jack smoothed the child's hair. "Don't you fall off of me."

"I won't." he moved back and sat squarely on Jack's shoulders. They moved away from the screens finally. They both felt a sad tug at their hearts as they left the pictures, the pictures of Earth.

Jack continued down the street. Artificial night was coming fast. Jack continued quickly to their home. He was scared of the night. His younger brother held tightly to him as he ran. He knew that dark was coming and Jack wanted to get them home. Jack always became so cautious after dark...

"Jack?" he asked from his bed. Jack was busying himself by the dresser. He looked back and smiled a caring smile.

"Yes?" Jack replied and sat on his bed with a glass. He offered it to his brother, who drank it reluctantly. "Good boy, Nanashi," Nanashi finished the drink and frowned. "What's wrong little one?"

"Why am I called 'Nanashi?' I'm not Japanese. I'm half British." Nanashi sighed in his British accent. Jack smiled vaguely. "Why did they name me 'Nanashi?'"

"Dad named you..." Jack sighed quietly. "He was never very good at names. Almost as if he didn't care. So he called you 'Nanashi.'" Jack put on a brave smile. "But I like 'little one' too."

"But that's what you always call me." Nanashi laughed and finished his drink. Jack took the glass from him and placed it on the nightstand. He tucked his younger brother into bed with a faint smile. "Jack?"

"Hm?" He didn't look up.

"...Is Dad ever coming back?" Nanashi asked. Jack stopped smoothing the sheets. His eyes had a sadness in them. They often did.

"I wish I could say for certain. But I don't know, little one." Jack answered. He tried to smile brightly at his little brother but Nanashi could see the tears in his eyes. He pulled on Jack's shirt and hugged him. "Oh Nanashi..."

"We'll be ok. We have been for a long time." Nanashi said in a quiet voice. He smiled at Jack. "Ever since Mum died. And Dad left."

"Yeah, we'll be ok." Jack smiled and ruffled the child's hair. "I'll take good care of you." Nanashi nuzzled his hand. Jack laughed a bit; he could be so adorable sometimes. "You're too cute sometimes. Especially with the accent you perfected."

"Yup. I got very good at it." Nanashi giggled and let Jack push back down into bed. He looked up at him and smiled innocently.

"What's with that smile?" Jack smirked.

"Sing it? Please??" Nanashi begged, blinking those big eyes of his.

"You never tire of this song, do you?" Jack sighed. Nanashi shook his head wildly. "Oh alright." He sat on the edge of the bed, pulled a guitar out from under it. And after a few moments of tuning it, he sang in a gentle, graceful voice. "Alas my love you do me wrong, to cast me out discourteously; When I have loved you so so long delighting in your company. Your gown was of the grassy green, your sleeves of satin were hanging by. Which made you be a harvest queen yet you would not love me"

Nanashi closed his eyes, listening to his brother's singing. For a moment, he thought he could feel his mother's presence. Hear her singing in an angelic soprano voice, hugging him and caressing his hair as she sang the tale. A single tear threatened to drip down his face but he held it back, for Jack's sake. He missed her terribly too.

"Alas my love you do me wrong to cast me out discourteously; When I have loved you so so long delighting in your company." Jack's voice faded, the final cord echoed tenderly off the walls then dissipated. Jack set the guitar back down and smiled at him. "Satisfied?"

"Mhm. You're singing is really good." Nanashi complimented.

"Thank you, little one." Jack said. He kissed his younger brother's forehead. "Now sleep."

"Jack?" Nanashi opened his eyes as Jack stood by the door. He looked back at him with his famous smile.

"Yes little one?"

"...You'll be here tomorrow right?" Nanashi asked. As he asked every night. And as with every night before, Jack laughed quietly, turned the lights down and smiled.

"Of course, Nanashi. You know I'll never leave."

"Wake up!" A guard snapped harshly. Nanashi opened his eyes. He looked over his shoulder to the door. The blinding light of the hallway shown around the silhouette of the guard. Nanashi blinked forcefully and buried his head under the pillow. "Angra!!"

"My name is Nanashi..." Nanashi growled into the mattress. He felt himself being pulled from the bed and tossed to the metal floor. He looked up at the guard. _If I wasn't always in handcuffs I'd hurt you..._

"Get dressed." The guard snapped. Nanashi pulled himself off the ground.

"How bout you undo my handcuffs first." Nanashi snapped back. He got a painful slap in the face before the handcuffs fell. Nanashi wanted to hurt the guard so badly, but though better of it when his eyes looked to the gun on his waist. "Aren't you gonna leave?"

"You know the drill." Nanashi sighed at his words and turned away. _Of course you're not going to leave..._Nanashi thought painfully as he stripped. He could almost feel the leer on the guard's face, feel him examine him from behind. Nanashi shuddered painfully and looked at his reflection in the floor. It had been so long since those carefree days he dreamed of, almost 8 years. He was a teenager now, a frail 15 year old, on the verge of 16. He still had those big eyes that he had always had but they looked back at him darkly, almost as though they mocked him. Nanashi growled at his own reflection, whipped his hair back and began to dress in Civilian clothes. He looked down at himself in contempt; he wanted to bathe now, get these nauseating clothes off of him, bringers of bad memories. He wanted to burn them. But that was quite impossible.

"There, I'm dressed. Happy now?" Nanashi snapped back at the guard as he slipped on his shoes. The guard slapped him again, harder this time. Nanashi took it silently. He merely glared at the guard and was met with a leering gaze. Nanashi knew that someday, he would forced to his back. He wondered what he would do then...Take it all in silence? Or fight and suffer more. _Too far off to tell yet..._

"Turn around." The guard demanded. Nanashi obliged, facing the wall. He felt his arms being pulled behind him and his hands being handcuffed together again. A couple fingers played with the hairs on the nape of his neck. Nanashi tensed. "Heh."

"...Isn't there somewhere I have to be?" Nanashi asked. He tried his hardest to suppress the trembling in his voice. The guard turned him around and punched him. Nanashi stumbled back into the wall. _Damn it, how many times does this bastard have to hit me?_ A little blood dripped from his nose but Nanashi could do nothing about it. He growled quietly but said nothing. _Just take me there already._

"Let's go." His guard snapped a moment later. He gave Nanashi a painful shove out the door and into the blinding hallway. Nanashi blinked painfully and was pushed along. He sighed heavily. He remembered this hallway all too well; he had been down it many times. He stared absently into the ground ahead. Nanashi wondered how long it would take to get there.

The cuffs fell away suddenly and he was forced into a room. The door slammed behind him. Nanashi looked about for a moment, soaking the scene in. A single wooden desk sat before another colorless wall. Nanashi wondered if there were any windows in this place. A metal chair sat before the desk and a tall man who he hardly knew sat behind it. He motioned for Nanashi to sit, as always. His cerulean eyes grinned slightly at Nanashi's obedience. Nanashi blinked a bit at the light gleaming off the man's medals.

"Hello Angra Mainyu." He smirked. Nanashi's eyes narrowed.

"My name is Nanashi Windsor-" He was interrupted by a rather quick smack. Nanashi closed his mouth.

"That's better Angra." The man smirked behind his blonde hair and started to rifle through some files. Nanashi crossed his legs and waited. He watched the blonde bangs sway back and forth gently. He was a very handsome man, Nanashi had always thought so. But he had no affection to this man, felt nothing more than a vile hatred to him and the others here. A cruel man such as him was so handsome. That baffled Nanashi often. "What are you staring at?"

"Nothing..." Nanashi sighed.

"Nothing what?" He growled. Nanashi felt a tinge of fear tug at him.

"Nothing, Sir." Nanashi said quietly.

"That's better." He tossed a file in front of Nanashi. "Your new assignment." Nanashi merely looked at it. "Well?"

"...What is it this time?" Nanashi opened it with a single hand. "Enemy general, spy, politician?" He took a picture in his hand and studied it. A rather old man stared back at him.

"Politician." He smiled at Nanashi's blank expression. "Silence and speed."

"I've done this before..." Nanashi put the picture back and read some of the papers underneath. "Hm? More pictures?" Nanashi read some more profiles. They were a bunch of kids, around his age. _What could they possibly be doing in here?_

"You're to perform each task in order, starting with politician on top. Then you will continue to each of them until things are finished." He explained. Nanashi looked at him.

"Can I ask why?"

"No you can't."

"Of course I can't..." Nanashi mumbled. The man glared at him and Nanashi shrank back. "Sorry Sir..."

"You should be." He sat back down. "Remember Angra, you belong to us."

"Yes Sir..." Nanashi replied solemnly. He wanted to choke him but did not move.

"Retrieve your instruments and be on your way."

"Yes Sir." Nanashi replied and rose from his seat. He wasn't planning on saluting but the dark gaze from the man forced his hand to move on his own. He saluted smoothly before leaving the room. His guard was there to bind his hands behind his back once more and escort him to the hanger. Nanashi sat beside him in a black car and waited to arrive at his destination. The gentle roar of the engine lulled him to sleep...

"Get up!" The guard yelled again and shook him hard. Nanashi opened his eyes reluctantly; he didn't want to leave the dreams again. His guard forced him up and undid the cuffs. Nanashi rubbed his wrists for a moment.

"Well?" He said after a moment. The guard who had been driving tossed a case to him. Nanashi caught it and checked its contents quickly. Satisfied, he slipped a denim jacket on and the shoulder harness. He grabbed a CD player from off the floor and put the headphones on his ears.

"Meet back here in two hours."

"I know..." Nanashi scowled and stepped out. Night had fallen over this town. Nanashi had never noticed. He had never seen the sunlight since he had "joined" them; they made sure of it. Nanashi blared the music in his head and headed down the street. No one noticed him; no one ever did.

_When this began  
I had nothing to say  
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me  
I was confused  
And I let it all out to find That I'm  
Not the only person with these things in mind  
Inside of me  
But all the vacancy the words revealed  
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel  
Nothing to lose  
Just stuck/Hollow and alone  
And the fault is my own  
And the fault is my own_

_I want to heal  
I want to feel  
What I thought was never real  
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long  
Erase all the pain 'til it's gone  
It's gone  
I want to heal  
I want to feel  
Like I'm close to something real  
I want to find something I've wanted all along  
Somewhere I Belong_

Nanashi's eyes were closed as he listened sadly to the lyrics. It seemed to affect his heart, much like the sound of his brother's voice when he sang to him so long ago.

"Jack..." he mouthed silently. Nanashi suddenly felt like crying. He stared down at the crack sidewalk and begged himself not to cry. He wasn't paying attention. "Gah!"

He walked directly into something. More like someone. He looked up from the ground he had fallen back on. CD player skip slightly, unharmed. Luckily, the case hadn't been opened in the fall. A couple fruits and things lay around him. But Nanashi ignored them.

He was gaping at the tall being before him. Deep emerald eyes looking out of a sculpted, pale face. He looked down at him, there was no emotion on his face. But those eyes, those beautiful eyes; they spoke to him, comforted him even though he didn't know the man. They stared out from behind brown hair that seemed far too soft to be in such a shape. A tight green sweater clung to the male's chest. He was so thin but so handsome. He knelt down in front of him. Nanashi's face flushed.

"You alright?" he asked. His voice was not of a man but of a boy, a teenager like himself.

"F-Fine..." Nanashi whispered. He held his hand out to Nanashi and pulled him up. The grip was powerful, yet soft. Nanashi looked up at him; he felt so very short next to him. "I'm...I'm very sorry..."

"Don't be. It was an accident." _God his voice is so handsome. Everything about him is handsome._ He started gathering the groceries on the ground. Nanashi joined him, trying to avoid the young man's eyes. "...Thanks..."

"It's the least I can do." Nanashi smiled slightly. He finished helping him and got back up. The boy handed him the case from the ground.

"You a musician?" he asked nonchalantly. Nanashi nodded a bit.

"Yeah, I play a little bit of everything." A lie. Nanashi was not much of a musician. He could sing but got too nervous to do it in front of others and he hadn't practiced playing music for years. "I was on my way to a gig."

"Ah, I see." he said quietly. "Maybe you should turn the music down. Don't want to get run over do you?"

"Heh, no I don't." Nanashi felt so relaxed as he spoke. "Thanks for the advice." Nanashi shouldered the case again. "Well I guess I'll see ya later..."

"Yeah...maybe...Bye." He said softly and continued on his way. Nanashi blushed some more as he watched him go. Before remembering what he was suppose to be doing and continuing on his way.

_And I've got nothing to say  
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face  
I was confused  
Looking everywhere/Only to find that it's  
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind  
So what am I  
What do I have but negativity  
'Cause I can't justify the  
Way everyone is looking at me  
Nothing to lose  
Nothing to gain/Hollow and alone  
And the fault is my own  
The fault is my own_

_I will never know  
Myself until I do this on my own  
And I will never feel  
Anything else until my wounds are healed  
I will never be  
Anything 'til I break away from me  
And I will break away  
I'll find myself today_

_I want to heal  
I want to feel like I'm  
Somewhere I belong_

Nanashi finished the song and the CD just in time to see his destination. A rather large building where the politician worked. He cared little for such places. A couple of guards stood by the door; Nanashi smiled at them and continued past the building before ducking down a dark alley. Nanashi looked up the wall, climbed the fire escape onto the roof. He set his CD player down and opened the case. A sword glinted up at him, as well as several other weapons including a few guns and knives. Nanashi set himself up, hung the sword around his shoulder and hid the knives and guns on him. He slipped a pair a strange gloves on his hands and covered his face with a hood. _Time for work._

Nanashi forced open the vent and slid down into the duct work. This building was much like the others he had infiltrated. He crawled quietly through the ducts, looking down the vents to see where he was going exactly. He listened to tidbits of conversations. _I'm close..._

Nanashi waited for just a moment before jumping down through the vent. He landed without a sound on the red carpet and ran low, following the wall to the intersection. He could see their shadows on the ground, two guards. Nanashi smirked slightly. He pulled the sword out slowly and looked about. He saw no cameras in sight. That made it all the easier.

Nanashi rushed them, before they even had a chance to see exactly what it was. A denim and black wind with a silver streak flew at them, made a couple quick strikes before sheathing the blade. Nanashi watched them fall with a sad look. _How could death be so quiet? _Nanashi wondered. He made a quick sign before tightening the hood about him and opening the door.

"Yes? Can I help you?" The politician asked without looking up from his papers. Nanashi closed the door softly and said nothing. His shadow fell on the older man's desk as he walked forward, still silent. The politician's pen stopped moving and he glared up at him. "What do you..." his voice trailed off.

"What do I want?" Nanashi asked. He knew what he truly wanted but he would never get it. Nanashi forced his face to be emotionless. "I want your blood..." Nanashi lied. The politician stood suddenly, knocked the chair to the floor in terror and yelled. "Do not bother. Your guards will not come."

"You won't get away with this!!"

"You'd think that. But I will always get away." Nanashi sighed. He watched the politician make a grab for a gun in the desk. Nanashi was quick to draw and flung a blade into the politician's hand. The man howled in pain. Nanashi watched, still hiding his pain, and stepped forward again. He took his blade and placed it against the man's throat.

"You'll be executed for this, when they find you."

"...I can only hope." Nanashi whispered before giving the politician an almost painless death. He stared down at the man's corpse and shuddered slightly before heading back out the door, through the ducts, onto the roof and back out to the streets, listening to the sounds of the music in his ears as he made his way through the thinning crowd to the car. He didn't say a word as they drove away, only looked out the black colored windows, humming softly to himself.

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_so what do you think? let me know before i decide to upload the next chapter domo arigato_


	2. Chapter 2

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Well I'm posting the second chapter anyway so enjoy

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Chapter 2:

"Hey Trowa, you up yet??" Duo called as he leaned over the sleeping male. Trowa lifted his head from the pillow and stared at him.

"Well now I am..." Trowa sighed.

"Good. Quatre made breakfast." Duo laughed.

"Quatre always makes breakfast." Trowa said. Duo laughed. "Alright, alright. I'll be there in a minute..."

"Good." Duo said. He turned to go.

"Don't slam the-" Trowa was just a little too late. The door slamming gave him a bit of a headache. "Door..." Trowa could hear him yell out to the others about his success. Trowa sighed and pulled himself out of bed. For once, he really had no desire to be up.

He had dreamed last night. He rarely ever did that, or if he did, he normally didn't remember what he dreamed. Trowa dressed slowly and thought about it. He dreamt of the strangest thing; a boy he had ran into on the street the night before. He had been a pale faced boy, reminded him somewhat of Quatre with his white blonde hair and big eyes. The boy had been about their age but with a young looking face and a strange look about him. He had looked almost embarrassed that night. _Why did I dream about him?_ Trowa asked his mind as he pulled a shirt over his head. He couldn't discover an answer and dismissed it, opening his bedroom door and going out into hall.

The meal Quatre was cooking smelled wonderful. Trowa smiled vaguely at the scent. He could see Quatre still making the last few things of it. But most of the meal was on the table. As with every Sunday morning Quatre went all out for them all. Trowa watched for a moment as Heero finished setting the table. Duo wrapped his arms around the boy's waist and tickled his neck with light kisses. Trowa could see the smile that graced the Japanese boy's face. For just a moment, Trowa felt a tinge of jealousy yank at his heart. He absently longed for a relationship like theirs but knew that none would come. Quatre was still getting over a rough relationship and Wufei probably wasn't looking for a lover. Trowa sighed solemnly and took his seat at the table.

"Good Morning Trowa." Quatre said as he looked back at him.

"Morning Quatre..." Trowa replied in his quiet voice. He rested his chin in his palm and tried to ignore the public display of affection Duo and Heero were sharing.

"Sleep well?" Quatre asked as he set a plate of waffles down in front of him.

"I suppose..." Trowa said. He was still thinking about the dream in the back of his mind.

"You look like you were sleeping fine when I went in." Duo smirked. Trowa gave him a cold glance. "Geez, you're crabby this morning."

"Well you woke me up..." Trowa said as he started to eat.

"Well I had to get you to come out for breakfast."

"You didn't have to slam the door."

"I didn't slam the door."

"Yes you did..." Trowa popped another piece of waffle into his mouth.

"No I did-" Duo was cut off by a piece of toast being pushed into his mouth. Heero smiled a bit at his face.

"Stop Duo." He said sweetly. Duo munched on the toast and frowned.

"You're no fun." Duo joked. Heero smirked some more. Duo flung a couple crumbs at him. Quatre laughed quietly into his orange juice and Trowa watched in silence, carefully sipping his tea. "Heh."

"Now stop that, you're making a mess." Heero said.

"So?" Duo laughed. More crumbs were flung and Heero began to laugh. Quatre laughed loudly and Trowa smiled so very slightly.

"Hey, quiet down!" Wufei snapped from the couch. "I'm trying to watch this!"

"Well sooooorrry." Duo snapped back. Trowa looked a bit to the side to see what Wufei was watching. A news report with a politician's face in the upper right hand corner of the screen. He heard only small phrases but the word "dead" played loudly in his ears.

"Turn that up." Trowa told Wufei. The volume increased and they could hear the rest of the announcement.

"America politician, Robert Smith was found dead in his office building earlier this morning."

"Dead?" Quatre replied with slightly round eyes. Heero and Duo both quieted and listened. _Dead...why?_

"Smith's personal guards were also find dead outside the office. Though local authorities have found no witnesses to these deaths, they are under the assumption that the perpetrator used a sword of some kind to complete the murders."

"A sword??" Duo looked at the others. "Who uses swords anymore?"

"Hush." Heero shushed him. Trowa folded his hands in front of his lips.

"If anyone has any information at all, please contact..." Wufei turned the volume back down and looked back at the others. His black eyes narrowed in a frustrated manner.

"Well, that's an interesting turn of events." Wufei said in his normal manner.

"The war is over." Quatre put his glass down as he spoke. "Why would a politician be killed?"

"Politicians are often killed, Quatre. There is always political unrest." Trowa said simply. But it did seem strange that a politician was murdered now that the war was over and peace was prevailing; for now at least. Again, his mind wandered over to the memory of the boy he ran into too. _Why can't I get him off my mind?_

"Its none of our concern." Heero said, cutting into his eggs with closed eyes. "Trowa's right. Politicians are killed all the time. Its pointless to worry about this." Trowa could detect the worry in Heero's voice, no matter how miniscule he made it.

"I guess..." Quatre said and sipped his juice again. Trowa closed his eyes for a moment and thought solemnly about it. The boy kept popping up into his thoughts; it was starting to get annoying. "Trowa? Is something wrong?" Trowa opened his eyes and looked at him.

"No." He said simply, rather coldly. They looked rather shocked at him. Trowa was never cold towards Quatre; he was one of the few people who could draw a smile out of him. Quatre looked down at his glass.

"Sorry..."

"Don't be...I'm still tired..." Trowa said, trying to make amends. He stood up and put his plate in the sink. "I'm going to take a shower to wake myself up. Thank you for breakfast Quatre." And with that, Trowa went back to the hallway, entered his room and walked slowly into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He didn't hear the others talking quietly, questioning his mood this morning. Trowa heard nothing but the running water as he undressed again and stepped into the shower, to think.

_Why? Why was a politician killed? Murdered with a sword without any witnesses? There's peace right now. I know that there will always be war and political unrest, but this doesn't make sense. This was completely unannounced. There was no insinuation that there could possibly be an assassination; all the politicians were getting along peacefully. Who could've done this? _Again as he tried to focus on this new dilemma, that face rose in his mind. _Why are you on my mind again? I don't even know you and I can't get your face out of my head. I can't forget your eyes or your hair...or the way your skin glowed...or..._

Trowa shook his head quickly and turned off the water. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he stepped out and noticed his reflection in the mirror. His face was flushed. He was blushing??? How could that be? Trowa had never felt the desire to blush about anything. But he was blushing, as he thought about some kid who almost knocked him over. _Jesus Christ, what's wrong with me?_ Trowa dressed again and flopped down on his bed, stared up into his ceiling. He felt so tired still. As his eyes began to close, he wondered if he was going to dream of that boy again. _It felt...kinda nice. To dream about him..._

* * *

Nanashi looked over his shoulder again. It was morning, he knew it. But no one had come to wake him. He found that somewhat odd but welcomed at the same time. He always wanted to be alone after he worked. Nanashi sat up; his shoulders ached painfully. He still wasn't used to sleeping with his hands bound behind him. Even though he had slept like that for so many years.

Nanashi drew his knees to his chest, snuggled back into the corner of his bed. He felt so dirty; so very dirty. He wanted to pull his hair out, claw out his eyes. Get the vision of blood out of his head. But that was part of the reason why he was always chained. They didn't trust him by himself.

"Oh Jack..." Nanashi whispered softly. Tears threatened to fall again. "I need you so badly." He could almost imagine what Jack would say if he was sitting beside him.

_"What is it Little one?"_ Jack would ask in a quiet voice.

"God I miss you so much. I need you."

_"Tell me what's wrong Nanashi..."_

"I'm so scared Jack..." Nanashi said. He could almost feel Jack's hand on his shoulder. "I don't like what they make me do...but I think..."

_"What, Little one?"_

"I think I'm starting to enjoy it..." Nanashi shuddered. "I don't know why...almost like a rush..."

_"I see..." _Jack would grow quiet. Nanashi turned, half expecting to truly see him sitting there.

"Are you disappointed in me?" he asked the wall. The wall would not answer. Nanashi realized he was hallucinating. Nanashi sighed heavily and rested his head on his knees. "Why aren't you here...where did you go? I need you so much Jack. I can't do this anymore. I feel like I'm going insane."

"_But you are going insane."_ The little voice in the back of his mind snickered. Nanashi closed his eyes. "_Why else do you think you're here?"_

"God go away..."

"_Nanashi, I can't do that. I'm part of you."_ He heard it laugh, a cold laugh in his own voice.

"I don't believe you..."

"_Bullshit, 'Little One.' I know why Jack left you."_ Nanashi said nothing. "_Its because you're so weak. He got tired of trying to take care of you. That's why he abandoned you, left you for them to take in. You should be thanking them. At least they tell you they won't abandon you."_

"No, they tell me I am theirs." Nanashi snapped. "I don't belong to anyone."

"_But you must appreciate it. Why else do you do everything they ask_," it asked in a smirking voice.

"Because I have no choice." Nanashi insisted, closing his eyes.

"_You always have a choice. Admit it. You like killing things."_

"I do not!!" Nanashi yelled. "I don't like killing people!! I hate it!!! I'd rather die than look at another person's blood again!!!"

"Shut up in there!!" His guard yelled at him. Nanashi looked up at the door then back down. He heard the voice laugh at him some more. He wanted it to shut up so badly.

"_Then why haven't you killed yourself? If its all so horrible, why don't you just end it all? Save everyone some trouble."_

"Because I can't. They won't let me..."

"_You're just afraid to. Like you're afraid to run away. You're nothing but a coward. A fucking coward who's too chicken to do anything." _

"Shut up..." Nanashi whispered and buried his head in his knees.

"_You're a coward, a coward. You're going to go to Hell for being so weak. You're going to Hell for being such a weak and sick bastard, unwilling to risk your own damn neck to save another. You're going to suffer in Hell. Heh you're going to Hell, you're going to Hell. YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!!"_

"SHUT UP!!!!!!!" Nanashi shrieked. He tried to lash out at his own doubt, almost as though it was really there. Nanashi fell off his bed, banged his head on the floor and laid there for a moment. A black veil draped over his eyes. He couldn't move anymore, hung off his bed like a rag doll. Jack spoke softly in his ear.

_"Heh you're so silly sometimes Little one."_

"Jack..." Nanashi whispered.

_"Sleep well Little one."_

"Jack...will you be here..." Nanashi mumbled. His eyes closed dizzily.

_"But of course. I'll always be here."_ A couple tears dribbled down the side of his face as his listened to his brother's fading voice. He tried to call but he felt so tired now. _"There there Little one. Its all right. There now Nanashi..."_

"There." Jack set Nanashi down on the ground outside the small grocery store. He smiled down at him. "Now Nanashi, you stay here alright? I'll be out as soon I as can. I just have to discuss something with Mr. Levin."

"Ok Jack." Nanashi smiled and sat on the bench.

"Good. Now behave." He laughed.

"I will." Nanashi insisted. Jack grinned and went inside. Nanashi listened to the little chime that rang as the door opened and shut. He had always liked that sound. Nanashi swung his legs to and fro and waited. Humming softly to himself, he didn't notice the several man who surrounded the bench. He finally looked up when a shadow fall across him. They were all very tall, dressed in freshly pressed military clothes. And there were smiles on their faces but not the same kind of smile Jack had. These smiles had an eerie look to them.

"Hello there." One said to him. He put a hand on Nanashi's head. Nanashi pulled away.

"...I'm not suppose to talk to strangers..." Nanashi said quietly. They laughed; Nanashi thought there was something wrong with the laugh.

"But we're not strangers." he said to Nanashi. "We know your brother."

"You do?"

"Yeah, Jack Windsor. Bout 5'8", thin. Brown hair, blue eyes, friendly smile." he said. Nanashi felt a little worried. They knew Jack but he didn't know them. He wanted to get away from them now. "So we're not really strangers."

"...But I don't know you." Nanashi said. They frowned slightly at him. Nanashi backed away more, slid off the bench. "I'm gonna go inside..."

"Don't go, we'll wait with you. We need to talk to Jack anyway."

"N-No thank you..." Nanashi stammered and ran inside. Jack was leaning against the counter, talking to Mr. Levin in a low, serious voice. Nanashi watched for a moment. Mr. Levin listened, gray eyes glistening. He was an old man, hair as white as fresh fallen snow. He shook his head slowly as Jack spoke, serious but kind. He was one of the kindest men Nanashi and Jack had ever known but he was still a business man.

"I'm sorry Jack but you're behind on this month's payment and I can't give you food until its paid up." He said in a rather sad voice. Jack pleaded to him.

"Please, you know I'm good for it." Jack begged. "Nanashi was home sick this week and I couldn't get into work. So I didn't get paid for the week. But I swear I'll get you the money." Nanashi felt guilt tug at him. He had had a high fever for most of the week and Jack had stayed home to look after him. He hadn't realized that had put them behind on a payment. "Please, I've never asked you for this before. Just this once, Mr. Levin? Please???"

"Well..." Mr. Levin frowned slightly, thinking. Jack ran his hand through his hair. He looked down suddenly, at Nanashi who was now hugging his leg.

"Little one?? What are you doing? I thought I asked you to wait outside." Jack said. He didn't seem angry, just slightly disappointed.

"I was waiting outside...but..." Nanashi stopped and looked back to the door. Jack smiled nervously at Mr. Levin and got down on his knees.

"What is it Nanashi?" he asked. He ran a hand through Nanashi's hair to soothe him; Nanashi was shaking.

"There are men outside."

"Men?"

"Uh huh. They say they know you." Nanashi whispered timidly. Jack's eyes flickered slightly with fear.

"Know me?" Jack repeated. He looked at the window. "What do they look like?"

"They're tall, dressed really nicely, like soldiers or something. And they have creepy smiles and laughs too." Nanashi shuddered at the thought of them. Jack's eyes narrowed in anger. Nanashi wondered if he had upset him. "Jack? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Little one." Jack smiled again and hugged him. "Thank you for telling me. But tell me if see them anymore ok? They're bad people. Let me know if you see them again."

"O-Okay Jack." Nanashi tried to smile back.

"Go wait over there ok." He pointed off to a chair. Nanashi sat on it and waited. "Mr. Levin?"

"How bout a deal?" Mr. Levin said. Jack listened intently. "I'll let you go this time, but for the next," he thought for a moment. "Three weekends, you and Nanashi help out here. And we'll call it even."

"Does that sound good to you, Little one?" Jack asked. Nanashi nodded happily. He liked helping out in the store. "Then it's a deal. Thank you Mr. Levin."

"Not a problem but you don't tell anyone else I'm doing this for you two."

"Yes sir." Jack smiled and went to Nanashi. "Ok, let's head home." Nanashi climbed onto his back. "We'll see you Saturday then Mr. Levin." Jack began to leave, but not from the front door. This time, he walked through the stock room and went out the back into the alley. Now Nanashi was really worried. He looked back behind him as Jack walked through the alley. They were following them.

"Jack..." Nanashi whispered and held tightly to him. Jack looked up at him a bit.

"What is it, Little one?" Jack asked.

"They're following us..." Nanashi whispered. He could feel Jack tense up underneath him.

"Hang on Nanashi..." Jack instructed. Nanashi tightened his grip and Jack began to run.

If there was one thing Nanashi truly admired about his brother, besides his singing, it was how fast he could run. Jack was a gazelle. He could run for miles and never seem tired. He leapt over a couple fallen trash cans and turned seamlessly around the corner. Jack was so graceful when he ran. He knew the fastest way to get home and took it. They arrived home soon, and better yet, they had lost those men. Jack set Nanashi down on his bed and smiled.

"There we go." Jack smiled as he closed the blinds. Nanashi looked up at him. "You should probably take a nap. You still look like you have a slight fever."

"Aww but Jack." Nanashi whined. Jack pushed him back and tucked him in.

"No buts Little one." He laughed and ruffled his hair. "I'll check in on you later."

"Jack?" Nanashi called again when Jack was at the door.

"Yes Nanashi?"

"...Who were those men?" Nanashi asked. Jack's back muscles tightened then relaxed.

"No one to think about Little one, they won't bother you." Jack smiled at him brightly. "I promise you that."

"Okay...hey Jack?"

"What is it Little one?" Jack leaned against the door.

"You'll be here when I wake up?"

"Heh, but of course. You know I'll never leave..."

Nanashi felt something hit him hard in the ribs. He gasped loudly, eyes snapped open. He looked around frightened. His guard leered down at him, as well as the rather handsome man who's name Nanashi never learned.

"Glad you decided to wake Angra Mainyu." the handsome one smirked. Nanashi stared down into the cold floor. He mumbled softly. "What was that?"

"My name...is Nanashi." Nanashi whimpered. Another swift kick. Nanashi inhaled sharply, felt a rib crack. Panting slightly, he felt his hair being tugged.

"Angra Mainyu, remember you place." Nanashi remained silence. "That's better." The man threw the file onto Nanashi's lap. "Time for your next assignment."

"So soon?" Nanashi asked. He felt the slap and fell silent again.

"Take out the next one. You leave in five minutes."

"What time is it..." Nanashi asked as he left. He turned back, his eyes smiling amusingly at Nanashi's innocent question.

"11:00P.M. Get dressed and get going."

"Yes sir..." Nanashi watched him close the door and dressed with his back to his guard. He kept thinking about everything before he had woken. He wondered if maybe it was just simple cowardice that kept him from taking his own life. _...I really am going to go to Hell..._

* * *

Quatre sighed heavily and walked down the dimly lit street. _Well that was a complete failure,_ he thought gloomily. His date had been a complete disaster. He knew she was never going to call, like he asked her to. Quatre just knew that it was going to go badly. Every one had gone badly since he broke up with his last girlfriend not a few months ago.

"Maybe Duo's right...maybe I'm just not meant to have a girlfriend." Quatre sighed as he thought about all the jokes Duo made about his sexuality. Duo always said that he was meant to have a male lover, just like him but Quatre had never seen himself as being a homosexual. It wasn't that he didn't accept homosexuality; he did. Its just that he had never expected himself to be gay. "But with the way tonight went, I wouldn't be surprised if I am."

Quatre went over every detail in his head. The date had started off rather well. He went to her apartment to pick her up and got to meet his date's roommate. But her roommate didn't take to Quatre to well and Quatre became so nervous, he knocked over a rather expensive looking vase and had to be drag out by his date. Or else the roommate would've killed him. _Just my luck, I date a girl with a homicidal friend._ The car Quatre had borrowed off of Heero then got a flat only two blocks from her apartment and the two of them had to try to fix it. _But of course there was no spare._ So the two of them had to wait for a tow truck, which meant they missed the first showing of the movie they were going to see. They ended up walking to the theater and Quatre remembered on the way that he left his wallet on his bed, much to his date's dismay. She ended up paying for the tickets; Quatre was so embarrassed. The movie was terrible. Quatre tried to talk to her before it began and got tongue tied and spilled his drink on her dress. _God I'm such an idiot._ The two of them stood outside the theater for a moment or two, trying to hail a taxi. Quatre asked her to call him and she gave him such a sweet smile. God she pitied him and insisted that she'd try as she got in the taxi and drove away, leaving Quatre to wander home alone.

"Damn it, that was terrible. I screwed everything up. Maybe I should just swear off dating for awhile. Save myself from humiliating myself further." Quatre moaned to himself. He wondered what he was going to tell the others tomorrow. Duo was going to question him about the date, as he always did. And Heero was going to find out from Duo or just be in the room when Duo finally managed to drag it out of him. Wufei would act like he didn't care but Quatre bet that in his head, he would pity him. _Like I want pity._ Trowa would probably be the only really comforting one. But he was acting rather strange lately, almost as though he was further away from everyone than he normally was. So Quatre wasn't sure how he would act.

_Maybe I'll lie and say she stood me up..._Quatre thought to himself and shoved his fists in his pockets. That could work. But then they would probably wonder why it took so long for Quatre to come home. _I could say I took a long walk to clear my head after she stood me up._ Quatre continued to think as he passed by a young man who leaned against a wall in a hooded denim jacket. Quatre hardly noticed him until the male spoke.

"Excuse me..." He asked, looking at him from beneath his hood. Quatre jumped slightly at the sudden noise. He looked at the owner for a moment. He didn't seem to be much taller than Quatre, or much older.

"Uh, yes?" Quatre asked, trying to slow his racing heart. The person took a small step away from the wall. Quatre wished he could see his face.

"Do you have the time?" he asked. Quatre slowly lifted his sleeve and took a look down at his watch.

"Uh...its 15 minutes to midnight." Quatre said. The boy nodded.

"I see...its gotten very late..." he answered in a dreamy voice.

"Yeah, I was just heading home." Quatre said with a faint smile. "You should too. Your family is probably worried."

"...You'd think that..." he sighed. Quatre looked at him sadly.

"I'm certain they are." Quatre insisted, The boy shook his head.

"They don't care..." the male sighed. "You should head on home...before it gets too late."

"You're right..." Quatre replied. "Well, good night."

"Good night." he said quietly as Quatre walked away.

Quatre continued his long walk home. He thought briefly about his encounter with the strange youth. _He seemed so sad. He truly believes that his family doesn't care? That has to be false. I really hope he gets home soon; they probably are worried about him._ Quatre passed a dark park. He looked through it. If Quatre cut through the park, he would make it home faster. _A good idea_, he thought as he opened the gate and walked quietly across the shadow covered grounds. The wind whistled eerily through the trees, swings creaked and moaned, and the merry-go-round groaned under its own weight and spun ever so slightly. It was almost as thought the ghosts of children were playing silently in the dark. Quatre felt his pulse quicken slightly and picked up the pace. He could have sworn someone was following him. There were faint footfalls overlapping his own slightly. Quatre ran, leapt over a small bench. The footfalls came faster, heavier. _Damn!_ _This is great! My date was a total failure, I ran into the most depressing guy I've ever met and now I'm being chased. This is just great!!_ Quatre was pissed now. He slid to a stop and turned back. He was through running.

"Who are you!! What do you want!!" Quatre yelled. His pursuer slowed and stopped. Quatre's eyes went wide. Even without the light of the street lamps, he could see him. The same boy who asked for the time not too long ago. He stood, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, with a sword in his hand. The news bulletin they had seen earlier replayed in his mind. _Oh Allah...it was him??_ "It was you? Who...Who killed that politician?"

"Yes, I murdered him. It was so easy too." The male said. But there was no hint of amusement in his voice, or pride in his words. In fact, it was almost as if he hated himself for what he had done.

"But why?" Quatre questioned. He wished he had brought a gun.

"Because they told me too." He said simply; the sword glinted perilously in the faint moonlight that was shimmering through wispy clouds. Quatre tensed as the male stared at the ground. He spoke to himself.

"What?" Quatre asked.

"...I want to die..." he whispered.

"What?!" Quatre was shocked by the statement. He took a small step back. The boy's head shot up; Quatre saw a pair of sparkling eyes staring back at him. He froze.

"But I can't get what I want." He said quietly. Quatre could see his shaking. "I must have your blood." Quatre stepped back again. The boy rushed him.

The fight was intense. In the darkness, it was rather hard to see each other's moves. But the male's sword glistened and Quatre's hair gleamed so they kept up with one another. The fight spanned all over the playground. At one point, they were fighting on the equipment. They fought along the swings; Quatre kicked a metal swing at his attacker, who cleanly dodged it. Quatre finally managed to get a hit on him, jumped on the high side of the seesaw and sent the other end into the opponent's face. He staggered, his grip on the sword slackened. But before Quatre had a chance to use the weakness, the male recovered. He gripped Quatre's hand and threw him into the merry-go-round. Quatre winced painfully.

"Man..." Quatre moaned painfully. He felt himself being pulled up. "Ugh..."

"Good bye..." He whispered. Quatre stamped as hard as he could on the boy's foot. He howled in pain. Quatre grabbed whatever he could and pulled. The denim jacket tore; the hood fell off his face.

Quatre stared almost terrified at the face. It was like looking into his own reflection. His attacker had blonde hair, on the verge of being pure white, that fell along his face and neck. A pair of big green eyes looked at him from a pale face. He had a frail frame, as though he hadn't eaten for weeks. He gaped at his twin. The boy looked frightened. He lunged, sword first. Quatre felt it, a sharp cold pain in his chest. His eyes widened with shock and pain before drooping as a cold grip overtook his consciousness. He gripped his killer's arm, looked weakly into the face that glistened now.

"Why...why are you....crying..." Quatre gasped before he hit the cold hard ground.

_Am I dead?_ Quatre couldn't see. Everything was cold and painful. Suddenly he heard sharp, anguish filled sobs. _Is that me?_ Something warm pressed against his chest. Quatre welcomed it against the freezing cold. _At least I won't freeze..._

He was lifted. He couldn't feel the wet ground. Instead, Quatre felt the roughness of a jacket against his face and the wind whipped. around him. _What's going on...where am I going?_ A person spoke softly, stifling sobs. Quatre opened his eyes finally, after so many moments. White light poured in. It must have been Heaven. He felt his body being laid down, heard someone's quick orders, before finally giving into the darkness.

* * *

Trowa finally woke up. He glanced over at the clock on the night table. It was only 8:00 in the morning. Trowa wondered why he was waking up. He wanted to go back to dreaming, but he knew he couldn't. Trowa reluctantly got out of bed and dressed, running a comb through his hair before walking out into the hall.

No one else was up. Trowa could hear the faint breathing from Heero and Duo's room. And the mumbling Wufei often made as he slept. Trowa sighed heavily and looked towards the empty kitchen. _Quatre isn't here? That's strange._ Trowa frowned slightly and made himself some tea. It seemed strange that Quatre wasn't bustling around the kitchen, whistling Scarborough Faire as he cooked. Trowa looked to the hooks on the wall; Quatre's jacket wasn't even there. Neither were his shoes. _Did he even come home last night??_ Trowa wondered absently if something had happened to him but thought better of it. Hand to hand combat wasn't Quatre's specialty but he could handle himself well enough. Trowa sank onto a couch and sipped the hot tea. Perhaps Quatre had spent the night at his date's, "got lucky" as Duo liked to joke. Trowa sighed heavily at the thought and laid his head back against the throw pillow on the couch.

Trowa must have dozed off. His tea was still in his hands, but it was much colder. Trowa scowled at it and set it on the coffee table. He held a hand over his eyes for a moment and rested again. The phone started ringing. Trowa groaned loudly and fumbled to find the phone by the couch. His hand knocked the receiver off. Trowa cursed quietly and picked it up, hand still over his eyes.

"Hello?" Trowa asked, still fighting off sleep.

"Listen and do not talk..." A young voice spoke over the phone. Trowa opened his eyes slightly. _The hell?_

"Who the hell is this?" Trowa asked.

"There is little time. Do not talk. Quatre Winner has been stabbed-"

"What?!" Trowa sat up right, knocked his tea over. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"...Do not talk." the voice said again. "He has been stabbed. He is in the hospital three blocks from the theater he went to last night on his date. Go and see him."

"Who is this!? How do you know this?!" Trowa snapped.

"Go and see him. He is out of surgery and sleeping now." The voice continued quietly. Trowa thought he heard a slight sob from him.

"Who are you? What have you done??" Trowa demanded.

"...They're expecting you." He said softly. Trowa heard a soft click and a dial tone. He cursed loudly and slammed the phone down. He had to go find out if Quatre was alright. He had too. Trowa didn't even bother to wake the others; he left them a note. Trowa read it over once or twice.

Guys,

Quatre's in the hospital, three blocks from the theater. Going to see if he's alright. Meet you there

Trowa

_Probably the vaguest note I ever wrote. Oh well._ Trowa left it on the table where he was certain they would see it. He yanked his jacket on and fumbled to pull his shoes on. Finally managing to tie them, he went out the front door, not caring if slamming the door behind him had woken anyone. The car was there but there was a flat. Trowa cursed fate violently and grab his motorcycle instead. He didn't bother with the helmet, just left it on the back as he revved the engine and sped out of the driveway.

Trowa played the phone call in his head as he drove to the hospital in the town. Quatre Winner has been stabbed. He's at the hospital three blocks from the theater. They're expecting you. Trowa cursed under his breathe and sped on. _Who the fuck was that?_ Trowa thought furiously. _How did he know that Quatre was in the hospital with a stab wound...unless he was the one who did it. But then why the hell did he call me? Killer's remorse? _Trowa's eyes narrowed against the biting wind. _Well whoever it is, if he was the one who hurt Quatre, he's gonna die. I'll promise him that.. _Trowa ran a red light without realizing it, almost got ran over by a truck. The driver flipped him off as he sped away. Trowa didn't care, was merely somewhat thankful that no cops had pulled him over. A few more moments of driving and he saw the hospital parking lot. He parked as close as he could and sprinted to the entrance. The nurse behind the desk looked at him wide eyed as he leaned against the desk, panting.

"I'm...here to see someone..." Trowa gasped as he tried to catch his breath.

"...Name?" the nurse asked cautiously. Trowa took a couple deep breathes and straightened up.

"Quatre Winner. He may have been brought in last night?" Trowa tried to keep his voice calm. The nurse smiled very slightly.

"Ah yes, he's been out of surgery for a few hours. Are you family?"

"Yes." Trowa lied. "Please, I have to see him."

"Alright, alright, he's on the third floor-" the nurse said. She seemed a little frustrated at Trowa's insistence. Trowa thanked her quickly and headed off before she could finish her sentence. He ran up the stairs to the next floor before realizing he had no idea what room he was looking for. Trowa turned about quickly. _Just my luck. Now I'm lost. Fuck._

"Excuse me sir?" A young nurse, rather pretty with her brunette hair and bluish eyes, smiled up at him. Trowa stepped back slightly in surprise. "Are you lost?"

"Uh...yeah." Trowa admitted, a small flush of embarrassment painting his cheeks. "I'm looking for someone brought last night? Blonde, teenager? He was stabbed?"

"Oh yes, him. 311, down the hall." She pointed to the left, behind him. Trowa thanked her quickly and ran down the hall. He looked at the numbers for a moment. 308, 309, 310, 311! Trowa found it. He slid to a stop by the closed door and threw it open, hoping to see his comrade sitting up, smiling at him with that gentle smile.

"Quatre!" Trowa gasped. Then caught himself. He looked about the room for a moment with slightly wider eyes.

The room was warm, painted in a bright whitish blue color. There was a large window on the wall directly across from him that brightened the already luminescent room. A table with wilted daisies stood in front of the window, beside a couple machines that beeped solemnly and an I.V. But that is not what surprised him. What truly surprised him was that he was in the wrong room.

Quatre was not the one laying in the hospital bed, hooked up to machines and breathing softly. It was a man, probably in his mid twenties. He had a thin face, sunken and sickly white in color. The man's hair had not been cut for some time. It fell along the pillows in a depressing fashion. He breathed softly, some what shallow and never moved. _What a depressing scene,_ Trowa thought absently, _for a room that is so bright._

"Oh gosh, I am so sorry, Sir." The same young nurse came running up beside him. Trowa looked at her with a slightly confused face.

"I'm in the wrong room." Trowa said in an almost child like manner. She nodded swiftly and bowed.

"I'm so sorry. I meant to say 211. But I was coming here anyway and I just said 311. I'm so very sorry."

"Its alright. An honest mistake." Trowa replied. He moved out of her way. The nurse ambled across the room to the wilting flowers and replaced them. Trowa turned to go before he heard her speak.

"And how are you this morning?" She asked. For a moment Trowa thought she was talking to him.

"Who, me??" Trowa looked back. The nurse turned and laughed brightly. She had a lovely laugh.

"Oh no, I'm sorry. I was talking to John Doe."

"John Doe?" Trowa repeated awkwardly. She nodded and gestured to the sleeping man.

"Yes, our residential John Doe." She smiled sadly at the man. Trowa recognized the term.

"John Doe. You don't know who he is?"

"No. He was just dropped off here." she sighed. "We don't know his name or his age. Or where he comes from or what happened to him. So we all just call him John Doe."

"But he must have told you his name." Trowa said. The idea that they had no idea who this man was seemed insane to him. The nurse looked at him surprised.

"How can he? He's been a coma for eight years." This fact didn't sit well in Trowa's stomach.

"Eight years???"

"Yes...he's never woken up." She brushed a couple strands of hair out of the man's face. "But I don't have the heart to let the doctors pull the plug on him. He's such a good and sweet patient." She smiled a bit more. Trowa leaned against the door frame, entranced by her words. "There are so many doctors and nurses here, it got to the point that sometimes I would have nothing to do. But now, I take care of him. I love to take care of John Doe." Fluffing the pillows, she looked back at Trowa. "He's such a good listener. And he's so sweet. And he has such wonderful tastes."

"How can you tell if he has never woken?"

"Just because he hasn't woken up doesn't mean he isn't responsive. Quite the opposite. He is very responsive." The nurse grinned. "I know that he prefers the color red over yellow and he enjoys the smell of lilac. And he has wonderful taste in music."

"Really..." Trowa frowned very slightly. The nurse nodded and went to a small tape player. She took a moment to rewind the tape then pressed play. A very gentle melody played on a flute and violin filled the room. Trowa recognized it as a song he could play rather well. "'Green Sleeves' ?"

"Yes. I love this song. I play it often for him." She said with a happy sigh. "He loves it too."

Trowa looked at the John Doe. For a moment, he could see no visible change. But then, the man's breathing evened out. He was relaxed. His face grew more and more pleased as he smiled ever so slightly in his comatose state. Lips parting slightly, it was almost as though he sighed, as if recalling a happy memory. Trowa found the whole thing quite extraordinary.

"You see?"

"I do..."

"I play this song for him often." She continued to arrange the new daisies. "He loves it so." _I can tell. _Trowa enjoyed the melody himself. _He does have good taste._ "The room you're looking for is 211." She repeated. The nurse bowed to him. "Again, I'm terribly sorry for the mix up."

"Its alright. Thank you." Trowa said once more. He turned and began to walk out. Taking one more look at the John Doe, he went back down the hall, leaving the nurse to tend to him in peace.

Trowa walked back down the hall, heading towards Quatre's room. He ran a hand absently along the wall, listened to the sounds of his own footsteps echo. The worry that he had forgotten was coming back. He hoped desperately that Quatre was alright. He quickened his pace a little and stared at the floor. He suddenly felt a little sick. It must have been from the worry.

For the second time in a few days, Trowa ran into someone. They bumped shoulders; neither of them had been paying attention. Trowa rubbed his shoulder slightly. The other ignored the small pain he must have been feeling. He was dressed in a black jacket, face hidden under a hood.

"Sumimasen..." The hooded one whispered. He wasn't Japanese. He had no Japanese accent and stumbled slightly with the pronunciation. He didn't look up at Trowa as he excused himself.

"Its ok...I wasn't paying attention." Trowa said quietly. The person nodded and continued down the hall. Watching the boy leave for a moment, Trowa wondered if he had seen him before. _Something about that guy seems familiar._ But Trowa soon forgot about it and headed closer to the room. The door was open and he peeked his head in. It was much like the John Doe's room: a bright cheery color with a large window. Quatre was lying in bed, still asleep from the anesthetic. But he seemed well. There was color in his cheeks and his breathing seemed normal. Trowa released a relieved sigh and sank into a chair in the corner. He watched Quatre sleep for a quite a while till he noticed the table beside the bed.

For on the table was a vase with 13 roses. 13 absolutely perfect roses. Not small buds but not yet entirely bloomed, they sat in a glass vase in front of the window. Trowa wondered absently who had left them there and rose to examine them. They were of varying colors, starting out yellow on the outer rim then changing to a pink and then darker shades of reds. Trowa was amazed that someone had taken the time to arrange them in such a creative and beautiful way. He cocked his head to one side and examined the center rose. It was much longer than the others and the same color as a human's blood. Absently, he picked it out of the vase and breathed in its glorious bouquet. It was so close to his face as he experienced its scent that he felt the rose's velvety touch on lips. The petals were slightly damp. Trowa licked his lips slowly; the liquid was warm and salty. _Tears?_ Trowa asked himself in silence. He spun the flower slowly in his fingers. _Why would a rose be damp with tears?_ There were so many questions because of these roses. Trowa looked down slightly and saw a small white envelope resting on the table.

Curiosity overtook him and he picked it up in his free hand. Typically, it was against Trowa's nature to invade another's privacy. And these were Quatre's roses. But something in his heart told him to take a look. _He shouldn't mind...and if he does, I'll apologize up and down for invading his privacy._ Trowa opened the envelope and pulled a small letter out. Two photos fell out of the letter. One was of Quatre, with a red slash across it. The other was of Wufei. _That's odd..._ Trowa looked down at the letter. It was short, hand written. There were tears stains on it; they smudged the ink but Trowa was able to make out the words.

I'm so very sorry...Please kill me

Trowa stared blankly at the plea. Whoever sent these wanted to die. Trowa sat down in the chair again, reading the note over and over, still spinning the rose in his hand. _Who sent these? Was it the same person who tried to kill Quatre? Most likely...but this request. He wants Quatre to kill him? Maybe he's just trying to trick us into thinking that he's truly remorseful. People can be sick like that._

Trowa's cell phone started ringing suddenly. It startled Trowa greatly, forcing him to drop the rose and the note. Trowa fished the phone out of this pocket, juggling it slightly. He dropped it and cursed himself. _Don't hang up, don't hang up!!_ It was probably one of the guys.

"Hello?" Trowa gasped when he finally managed to get the damn thing open. Duo's voice yelled into his ear. He held the phone away from his head, wincing slightly.

"What the fuck is up with the note you left!!" Duo hissed into the phone. Trowa blinked and tried to get the ringing in his ears to stop. Duo continued to yell. Trowa growled softly.

"Duo shut up for five minutes!" Trowa snapped angrily. There was a brief muffled conversation on the other side of the phone.

"Trowa, what's going on?" Heero asked. He sounded somewhat angry but at least he wasn't yelling. Duo yelled something in the background and Heero yelled back. "He has a point." Heero said when he returned to the phone. "That note didn't do shit to explain what's going on."

"Its fairly self explanatory." Trowa sighed and set his elbows on his knees. "Quatre got stabbed and went to the hospital. I'm here now with him."

"Well how did it happen?"

"How should I know? I haven't asked."

"Well why not!!" Duo yelled in the background. Trowa ran his fingers through his hair.

"Because he's not awake yet." Trowa sighed. Heero yelled at Duo to shut up and went back to the phone.

"But he's alive?" Heero asked.

"Yeah, I don't think he's in critical condition. He's living and breathing on his own. Whoever brought him here must have done it before it got too serious." Trowa looked at the floor for a moment. He picked up the rose and went back to looking at it.

"Well that's good. If he's not in critical condition, then he should be able to come home soon."

"Yeah, I'll bring him home when he wakes up." Trowa said.

"Alright, you do that. We'll see you when you get home."

"Okay..." Trowa was becoming engrossed in the rose again.

"And Trowa?" Heero said before getting ready to hang up.

"Hm?"

"Next time, wake someone up." Heero sighed.

"Will do..." Trowa said, half there when Heero hung up the phone. Trowa closed his cell and put it back into his pocket. He studied the rose for so long. Trowa's eyes never left its form until he hear a small noise come from Quatre.

"Trowa..." Quatre looked at him hazily. Trowa looked up and smiled slightly.

"Quatre." He got up and crossed to the bed. He sat on the edge of it. "How you feeling?"

"...How'd I get here?" Quatre asked.

"I don't really know." Trowa admitted. "I just got a phone call this morning saying you were stabbed and brought here."

"That's right...I was stabbed...by that guy." Quatre's eyes went a little round as he spoke.

"What guy?" Trowa asked. Quatre looked at him.

"The same one who killed the politician." Quatre answered. Trowa said nothing. He soaked in Quatre's words. The same person who had killed the politician had tried to kill Quatre. Which made Trowa wonder if this person knew about who they were. They had done a fairly good job at keeping their status as Gundam pilots and their gundams secret. _So how does this guy know? What kind of information does he have on us?_ Quatre was looking around the room as Trowa mused.

"Hey Trowa?" Quatre asked as his gaze fell on the roses.

"Yeah?"

"The roses. Did you get them for me?" He asked. Trowa couldn't lie to him.

"Sorry Quatre, but it wasn't me..."

"Oh...they're nice."

"Yeah..." Trowa said solemnly. He wasn't planning on showing the letter to Quatre just yet. At least not until he had a better understanding of what had happened and what was going on. Quatre looked at him, some what worried. "What?"

"You ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine." Trowa said with another vague smile. "You should be more worried about yourself."

"I feel ok..." Quatre smiled and sat up a bit. Trowa got off the bed.

"Okay, well I'll go find a doctor to check you out and then we'll head home."

"Alright." Quatre said. He reached over and took a rose from the vase and looked at it. He didn't notice the pictures on the table. Trowa thanked god quietly for that and headed to the door, kicking the letter under the chair as he went. He pushed his hand in his pocket and clutched the blood red rose, looking for a doctor so he and Quatre could go home.

* * *

okay so there's the second chapter. please review i want the feedback


	3. Chapter 3

_Ok, now that I look at it more, this fanfic probably contains OOC (out of character)ness. most likely heero and trowa_

* * *

Chapter 3: 

Nanashi sat in the middle of his floor. He was cold and hungry. He hadn't been given food or water for a week. His clothes were torn and soiled from his beatings. The handcuffs were cutting into his wrists. He wanted to cry again. But he hadn't cried for a week, not since that night.

_"Why...why are you...crying..."_ Quatre Winner had asked after Nanashi had stabbed him. Nanashi hadn't even realized that hot tears had been streaming down his cheeks during that move. It had surprised him. As Quatre fell, he had touched his face, fingered his own tears. They felt alien to him. All of a sudden, it was as though he had woken from a dream. All the terrible things he had done came back with new strength. He'd begun to wail. Guilt was tearing at his heart. Quatre's blood had forced the guilt up. He rushed Quatre to a hospital, left him there to be treated then wandered about for hours. That is, before he called Quatre's home and spoke to Trowa. Trowa sounded enraged on the phone. Nanashi couldn't blame him for it. He merely told him where to find Quatre and hung up, unwilling to continue the conversation with him. But he was not done yet.

Nanashi made a stop at a flower shop, used some money he had been given long ago to buy 13 roses of varying colors and hues. He put them in a lovely vase and arranged them in a befitting way, before adding his simple letter and the photos. Nanashi returned to the hospital in a different jacket, left the flowers in Quatre's room and tried to leave. Fate was cruel to him and he ran into Trowa again. Trowa seemed worried about his friend and luckily didn't recognize Nanashi. Nanashi was able to flee the hospital, tears in his brilliant eyes, before being caught by the guards and dragged back to the base, bound and gagged.

He had suffered a savage beating as soon as he was dropped off in his room. He had disobeyed orders, didn't return directly after finishing his assignment. They left Nanashi on the floor after his beating, bleeding and whimpering pitifully. He was secretly thankful. If they had known that Quatre wasn't dead, then his beating would have much more severe. Nanashi sighed heavily. His ribs hurt but he could sit up now. His stomach growled hungrily and Nanashi began to doze off.

_"You're such a fucking coward."_ the voice hissed. Nanashi tossed slightly as he slept.

_Go away..._

_"That note, bah."_

_...I'm not a coward. I will accept death._

_"Bullshit! You'll accept being murdered. That's still not taking matters into your own hands."_

_"See? In your heart, you know I'm right."_

_I don't believe you. Go away, I want to sleep._

_"Listen you, you think that being killed will erase all that you've done?? Hah!! It won't. If anything it will increase the guilt. Letting yourself be killed instead of fighting to reclaim your innocence."_

_You don't know what you're talking about..._

_"God if Jack could see you know, he'd vomit at the sight of you."_

_...You're lying. Jack would understand..._

_"You keep on thinking that. We both know the truth. You're a damn disappointment. Heh, you're lucky he abandoned you before he could see how weak and horrid you have really become."_ The voice silenced and Nanashi slept. He had an undisturbed sleep for a while, dreamed of old things. It relaxed him a bit. Then the nightmares began. He kept seeing all the people he killed, kept seeing Quatre, practically his twin, fall to the ground and bleed. Nanashi whimpered and tossed, cried in his rest. A sharp pain erupted in his chest and the dreams were over.

The handsome officer glared down at Nanashi. Two other guards were with him. The one that always leered at him and another that Nanashi had only seen once or twice. One of the guards grabbed Nanashi by the front of his shirt and tossed him against the wall. The fresh bruises and cuts on his back burned and ached upon impact; Nanashi whimpered. One of the guards rammed his foot in Nanashi's stomach. He gasped and doubled over. Something hard came down against Nanashi's neck and he collapsed.

"Well Angra Mainyu, here we are again." The handsome officer growled and grabbed him by the back of the hair. "Haven't you learned what disobeying will cost you?"

"I'm...I'm sorry..." Nanashi lied. He wasn't sorry. He had been in sunlight; he had been able to fail. He had no reason to be sorry yet. They threw Nanashi onto the ground and took turns kicking him in the stomach and ribs. Nanashi closed his eyes tightly, bit back his pain stricken tears. He looked weakly at the officer, who sat on his bed and watched the scene with a sickening smile. Nanashi closed his eyes and waited for it to stop. Something in his chest snapped; Nanashi screamed.

"That's enough." The officer said finally. The guards backed away. Nanashi panted painfully. The officer forced him to sit, pressed his back against the wall. Nanashi whimpered quietly. "You need to remember your place, Angra Mainyu."

"N...Na...Nanashi..." Nanashi mumbled, half awake. The officer back handed him.

"Fine be that way." The officer snapped. He forced Nanashi's mouth open and jammed the barrel of his gun down Nanashi's throat. Nanashi's eyes opened wide. Suddenly, he didn't want to die. Nanashi struggled, kicked out one the officer's legs. He growled and snapped quick orders. The guards grabbed Nanashi's shoulder's, held him still. Nanashi screamed as loudly as he could. The officer smirked; there was a small click. Nanashi closed his eyes, tears dripping. _I don't wanna die!!!_

Nanashi didn't feel the dying pain of a bullet ripping through the back of his skull. Simply felt the pain of being pistol whipped in the face. Crumpling to the floor, he heard the officer snicker. Nanashi opened his eyes; his sight was blurry and red tinted. He wondered how hard he had actually been hit.

"Now then Angra Mainyu," The officer said, pulling Nanashi's face to his. "No more disobeying orders. Right?"

"...Yes Sir..." he mumbled. The officer let him fall and rest. Nanashi could hear them leave him on the cold floor. Shivering, he drew his knees close to him and closed his eyes. The voice began to harass him again but Nanashi said nothing. _I'm such a coward..._

_"Damn straight. Glad you realize it. You're a coward, now go to Hell."_

* * *

It had been two weeks since Quatre was stabbed. The doctor said he was going to make a full recovery but that he should take it easy for a while. So everyone was helping out to make things a little easier on him. Quatre wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea that he couldn't do much around the house but the others did a fairly good job of running things. Save for one incident involving Duo and the microwave that everyone agreed they would never speak of again. Wufei typically took care of making the meals, Heero handled the wash and vacuuming, Duo did the dusting and random odd jobs that needed to be done. And Trowa mainly took particular care of the garden and lawn, at Quatre's request. 

Of course, Trowa also ran most of the errands that had to be done. Which was why Trowa was loading groceries into the trunk of the car, with Wufei leaning against the car door. The bright street lights overhead gave the small parking lot the light they needed to see by. Wufei sighed heavily. He hadn't wanted to go; he detested shopping. Trowa didn't enjoy it either. But it was either do the shopping or listen to Heero and Duo's loving giggles. That was something neither of them had been in the mood for.

"Damn it, I can't believe she said that..." Wufei mumbled to himself. Trowa knew what he was talking about. The cashier, a middle aged woman, had asked them as they paid for the groceries if they were planning a private dinner for two with a rather sneering voice. Wufei had given her a cold glare and Trowa said nothing at all. Insinuating that they were lovers, neither of them were pleased that she was judging them like that. But secretly, Trowa wished it was true. He felt so very lonely. He had always felt lonely. But ever since he had begun to dream of that boy, his loneliness had increased.

"Yeah..." Trowa sighed heavily. Wufei gave him an interesting glance.

"Something wrong?" He asked. Wufei sounded interested. Trowa hid his own sorrow and looked back at him.

"No nothing's wrong." He put the last bag in the trunk and leaned against the car. "We got everything on the list right?"

"Yeah, I think so." Wufei answer. He started reading over the list, talking to himself and making mental notes of the things they had bought. Satisfied, he shoved the list back into this pocket. "Yeah we got it all."

"Ok." Trowa said and closed the trunk. He spun the keys on his finger for a moment. "Let's go home then." He went over to the driver's side.

"Yeah ok." Wufei said and began to open the passenger door. Trowa wouldn't have noticed anything if Wufei's eyes hadn't narrowed as he looked at him. Wufei whipped about, drawing and throwing a dagger Trowa had only seen once or twice before. Two daggers flew past one another, colliding with two bodies. Wufei slumped against the car, gripping the blade in his shoulder. And far off, a person staggered back, ripping the blade out of his hand.

"Wufei!!!" Trowa yelled. Wufei said nothing. Trowa wished he could the person's form. Trowa cursed loudly and pulled a hand gun out from under the seat. He fired a single shot, watched as the form fell to its knees then start to run. Trowa made a note of the direction before rushing to Wufei's side. "Wufei!!!"

"Its nothing, I'm fine..." Wufei gasped slightly and winced. He looked at Trowa with his normal cold stare. "Get him." Trowa nodded, leaving the gun beside Wufei and chased after the attempted killer.

The person was fast; Trowa was uncertain of where exactly he had shot him. But he caught up after a few moments. The streets were deserted so no one noticed Trowa chasing after a bleeding young man. The male took a sharp turn down an alley. Trowa followed. _Damn it, you're not getting away!!!!_

The male looked back at him from under the black hood. He leaned back against the dead end behind him. Trowa stood at the entrance to the alley. He watched the person's every move. The male shook slightly; Trowa could see blood dripping down from his pant leg. _He ran that fast on a wounded leg? Jesus Christ. The only person I knew could do that was Heero._ The male looked about for an exit. Trowa took a couple steps forward and the male panicked. He pulled out a gun and fired. Trowa dodged somehow, used his speed and agility he had acquired from his work with the circus to escape harm. Rushing the male, Trowa brought his fist against his face. The male's head snapped back; he had a young voice. Trowa knocked the gun out of his hand. It fell and slid away. The male tried to fight back but it was almost as if he didn't care. Trowa grabbed the male's wrist. He fell to his knees in silence.

"Why?!" Trowa yelled at the male on his knees. "Why did you try to kill him!?" The boy said nothing. "Are you the same one who tried to kill Quatre!?" Trowa demanded. He grew more and more furious at the silence. "Damn it answer me!!!" He could have sworn he heard crying. Trowa pulled slightly on the male's arm, tried to pull him to his feet. The male fell back down a bit, his hood fell from his face. Trowa's eyes widened.

For a moment, he thought he was looking down at Quatre. But whoever this was wasn't Quatre. He looked up at Trowa with those sparkling green/gray eyes of his. Trowa's expression softened. It was that kid. The same one who had ran into him on the street two weeks ago. Tears seeped from his wounded eyes. There were bruises and small cuts on his face and neck. Trowa looked at the boy's wrist in his hand; it was so thin. Trowa feared that if he clutched it any tighter it would shatter.

Releasing him, the boy fell onto the ground. Small sobs escaped him and Trowa felt his rage abate. Something Quatre had told him in the confines of his room a few days ago surfaced. _"You want to know about my attacker? ...He looked...so much like me. But he was much thinner and his hair was whiter and his eyes were green. He did say that he had killed that politician, but because 'they told him to.' He attacked me and stabbed me with a sword. But he was crying as he did." _Trowa had been silent as Quatre spoke. _"There's something else. He...He said he wanted to die."_ He remembered the roses, meticulously arranged. And the single blood red rose that had drawn him to it. He remembered the photos, Wufei's and Quatre's with a slash through it. And he finally remembered the note. I'm so very sorry...Please kill me.

Trowa got down on his knees beside him. He watched the tears fall onto the filthy ground. Trowa hesitated then placed his hand on the boy's shoulder. He couldn't feel any rage towards him now, only despair and pity. The boy looked up at him confused and pulled away slightly. Trowa gripped his wrist again and the boy stopped.

"...What...What's your name?" Trowa asked quietly. _I have to know. God tell me your name. I've been dreaming about you for the last two weeks. Please tell me your name._

"...N...Nanashi..." he answered slowly. Trowa felt his lips curl into a small smile. Nanashi. He liked the name for some reason.

"Nanashi..." Trowa repeated. "You're the kid I ran into on the street." Nanashi nodded slowly. "...And you were on your way to kill that politician." Nanashi's nod was more shaky. "And two weeks ago, you attacked Quatre in the park, stabbed him with the same sword." Nanashi sobbed softly. Trowa's heart still felt no rage. "...You took him to the hospital?"

"...Y...Yes..." Nanashi whispered.

"Did you leave the roses?" Trowa asked. Nanashi said nothing. Trowa had to know. "Please...I...I won't say anything about it."

"...Yes...I sent the flowers..."

"You were the one in the hallway." Trowa said. Nanashi nodded again. His tears were stopping. "Why? Why are you doing this?"

"...Because they tell me to..." Nanashi answered. Trowa wondered who Nanashi meant.

"Who tell you to?" Trowa asked. Nanashi said nothing. "Come on Nanashi. I won't say anything."

"I can't say..." Nanashi answered. "Please go away..."

"Why?"

"...Just go..." Nanashi begged. Trowa's grip tightened slightly. He was afraid Nanashi would run. He wanted him to stay. But it wasn't because he wanted information out of Nanashi. Trowa felt...happier with Nanashi by his side. Nanashi pulled slightly.

"Please stay..." Trowa felt his throat tightened.  
"I have to go...I have to go back..." Nanashi voice sounded terrified. He pulled away and staggered to his feet. He looked down at Trowa, tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry...I can't help it anymore...I'm weak...I'm sorry..." Nanashi shook his head and ran out of the alley and out of sight. Trowa sat on the ground for a moment, watching the point where Nanashi had been sitting. He felt no anger to the person who tried to kill Quatre and Wufei any longer. All he felt was a gaping hole in his heart knowing that Nanashi was gone. Trowa sighed heavily and stood, walking back to the car. Wufei looked at him from the passenger seat. Trowa said nothing and got in the car, started the engine and headed home.

"...Well?" Wufei asked. He seemed to be fine, even though his shoulder was bleeding. Trowa said nothing and continued to look ahead. Wufei pressed on. "What happened?"

"...He got away." Trowa said, trying to sound like he didn't care. Wufei frowned and looked out the window.

"Did you get a look at his face?"

"...No." Trowa lied.

"A name?"

"...No name." Trowa blinked slowly as he lied. He wasn't about to tell Wufei anything. He wanted to keep the name and face to himself, at least for now. The others would surely look for him to kill him if they knew. Trowa couldn't let that happen. _I can't let him die. He's filling a gap in me. I can't let the others knew yet...I have to know more about him._

"Oh..." Wufei said. He sighed a bit and rested his head against the glass. Trowa sighed quietly. They were silent for the rest of the ride home. Wufei looked to him everyone so often, probably wondering why Trowa was so silent. Trowa ignored the glances and continued to think. Nanashi was so frail. Trowa wondered where he had gotten all those bruises and cuts. _They looked fresh. I know I didn't cause them, and even if he had gotten them fighting Quatre, they wouldn't be that fresh._ Nanashi had said he did what they told him to. Perhaps he had gotten those wounds from those who controlled him. Trowa's stomach turned, a bit of rage rose in his chest. If those people were hurting Nanashi and forcing him to do these things, then Trowa was going to have to stop them. Trowa blinked slowly, suddenly wondering why he thought that. _I hardly know him, and yet I want to defend him with my life. Why? Why does my heart flutter when I think about him and why do I feel a murderous rage when I think of what someone could be doing to him? Why?_

Trowa broke off his thoughts as he pulled into the driveway. The lights were still on in the house. It wasn't very late; the others were still up. He knew they were going to question him about what had happened but Trowa wasn't going to say a thing about Nanashi. Not until he understood what Nanashi was going through. Turning off the car he looked over at Wufei. Wufei looked at him as well. In silence, Trowa asked him if he wanted help. Wufei looked away and got out of the car and stumbled slightly to the house, still clutching at his bloody shoulder. Trowa sighed and pocketed the keys before slamming the car door shut and unloading the groceries from the trunk.

"Trowa, what the hell happened!?" Heero snapped when Trowa came in with grocery bags in his arms. Trowa hid his face behind them and placed them on the counter then returned to the car to get more. Heero cursed and followed him. "Damn it Trowa, answer me!" Heero yelled. Trowa shoved two bags into Heero's arms. Blinking strangely, Heero carried them back into the house and returned, taking a couple more. Trowa closed the trunk and locked it and followed, carrying the last of the bags inside. "So what happened?" Heero asked again. His voice seemed a bit calmer now. Trowa started sorting things from the bags and putting them away.

"Someone attacked me." Wufei snapped from the couch.

"Well we could kinda tell that." Duo snickered. He took great care on wrapping Wufei's wound. Quatre sat at the table, holding a cup of tea in his hands that was steadily growing colder. "Hold still."

"Ow! Watch it!!" Wufei hissed. Trowa sighed quietly.

"So what happened?" Quatre asked. "Details?"

"Someone threw a knife at me." Wufei snapped again.

"Did you get him?" Heero asked.

"No..." Everyone looked at Trowa; it had been the first thing he said since he came inside. "He got away..." Trowa put some frozen vegetables in the freezer. He knew that someone, maybe all of them, were watching him. Closing his eyes for a moment, he returned his attention to the groceries.

"Did you get a look at him?" Duo asked.

"I didn't." Wufei said. "He was too far away."

"So we know nothing about him." Heero growled.

"He's Caucasian, possibly British, about 15 or 16 years old. Maybe 5' 5". About 120 lbs, frail skeletal structure. He might be anorexic or something. He's very fast and has superb aim." Trowa said quietly. He looked back at the others for a moment. Wufei had the same emotionless face that he always had but there was a glint of surprise in his eyes. Duo gaped at Trowa, unknowingly tightening the bandages around Wufei's shoulder. Quatre sipped quietly on his tea, slightly wide eyed.

"...How do you know that??" Heero asked after a moment of silence.

"Just because he got away doesn't mean I didn't get close enough to figure some things out." Trowa said simply. "But I didn't get a look at his face so I don't have any other details."

"Well it's a start...a vague start. But a start." Heero sighed.

"Yeah...hey Trowa?" Quatre asked. Trowa looked back at him.

"Yes?"

"Do you think it's the same person who tried to kill me?" He asked. Trowa's throat tightened again. He turned away.

"Its possible." Trowa replied and continued putting the groceries away.

"Well its obvious that he wants us dead." Heero said as he sat down on a chair. Trowa said nothing. "He's tried to kill two of us."

"Unsuccessfully." Duo laughed. Heero smiled a bit at the American boy.

"Yeah, but still he tried. Which means he'll try again. But now that we know he's after us, we can be ready for him." Trowa's stomach lurched and clutched the counter. He knew exactly what Heero was talking about; it was the same thing they all had been trained for. Death. Trowa clamped his eyes shut and begged himself not to think about. Not to think about the idea that they were going to kill the frail Nanashi. "Trowa? You alright?" Trowa forced his eyes open; they were still dry. Releasing the counter slowly, he ran a hand through his hair.

"...Yeah I'm fine. Tired. I'm going to bed..." Trowa sighed and walked out into the hall. "Good night." he called back before walking into his room and shutting the door. Leaning against the closed door, he listened to the muffled conversation in the dark.

"Is he ok?" Quatre asked. Probably asking Wufei.

"He was very quiet during the ride home. Much quieter than usual." Wufei answered. There was a small hint of concern in his voice.

"Maybe he feels guilty." Duo said. Seriousness overtook his normally jovial voice. "I mean, you got stabbed and he lost the guy who did it. Maybe he's blaming himself."

"Its possible..." Wufei replied.

"But he shouldn't." Quatre said. A chair scraped against the floor. "I think I'll go talk to him."

"Leave him be Quatre, at least for now." Heero said. The footsteps stopped. "Let him sort his thoughts. You can talk to him tomorrow."

"I guess..." Quatre sighed loudly. Trowa sighed as well. "He's going to be okay though, right?"

"Trowa normally is." Heero answered. Trowa held his head. "Well we should get some sleep. Tomorrow we can start trying to find out any particulars about this person so we can end all this." Heero said. Trowa listened to the different footfalls, the quiet calls of "good night" and the soft latching of different doors. Dragging himself over to his bed, he crumpled into it. He didn't bother to undress, just covered himself up and nuzzled into the pillows. A tear threatened to fall down his face. Just the thought of one of them killing Nanashi, it made his heart want to break. Trowa curled up in a small ball and closed his eyes. Nanashi's face came to him again. He sighed sleepily and slept, dreaming about the beautiful killer.

Quatre turned his alarm off the next morning. He stretched a bit and yawned softly. It was rather early; the sun was still rising in the sky. Quatre smiled brightly at the sunny day outside his window and pulled himself out of bed. He dressed somewhat slowly, still taking it easy. But he was feeling much better and hoped to Allah that soon he'd be able to do work around the house again. While he did appreciate everything the other's did, he wanted to be doing something.

* * *

Quatre walked silently out of his room, shut the door behind him. The house was bright and warm this morning. Quatre grinned happily as he walked down the carpeted hall. He could hear the soft sleeping noises coming from behind closed doors. Quatre laughed quietly to himself then stopped. He stood outside Trowa's bedroom. There was little noise coming from Trowa's room. On occasion, he heard a small cry come from within. Quatre wondered what he could be dreaming of. Overwhelmed with curiosity, he pressed his ear to the warm door and listened closely. He heard something, almost a sob. Then a name. 

"Nanashi..." Trowa whispered in his sleep. _Nanashi?? Who's Nanashi?_ Quatre had hoped Trowa would say more but he fell silent. Quatre pulled away, suddenly feeling a bit ashamed that he was eavesdropping on his friend. He shook his head and went into the kitchen, scolding himself a bit as he began to make some tea. An idea struck him. Quatre set out two mugs and took out a small tea box. Typically, he didn't like Trowa's choice of tea. But he could tolerate it. _Besides, it might make Trowa feel better. He seemed very upset last night._ Quatre let the water sit on the stove to boil. _I wonder if the paper is here yet._

Slipping on a pair of shoes, Quatre stepped out into the morning. A cool breeze ruffled his hair. He grinned and stretched again, basking in the warming light. Quatre was thankful for a moment that this house was seated within the woods. While they were still close enough to the town, the place still had a secluded feeling. Almost like a sanctuary. Quatre began the long walk down the hidden path, heading towards the mailbox that had been meticulously hidden. The five of them had taken great care in keeping their identities secret and only a select few people knew that they were there. Sally Po being one of them. One of her allies stayed in the town, to keep an eye on things and all of their mail and things were sent to him first. Then left in the hidden mailbox. Quatre parted the branches and looked inside it. There was only a paper. _Must have dropped it off earlier before the mail came. _Sighing a bit, Quatre pulled it out and held it against his chest as he fixed the branches. Something fell from the newspaper.

"Hm?" Quatre knelt down and picked it up. It was a plain white envelope, the kind one might find a card in. Quatre looked it over. There was no return address. _Someone must have dropped it off...but who would know where this is?_ Quatre felt a small tinge of worry. He noticed it then, the name written in a fine, thin script.

Trowa Barton

"To Trowa?" Quatre said out loud. He stood and held the envelope tight. "Who is sending this to Trowa?" For a moment, Quatre was tempted to open the envelope and find out. But as much as his heart told him to, Quatre was not about to invaded Trowa's privacy. "I'll give it to him. Maybe he'll tell me who sent it." Quatre headed back to the house, hoping the water was almost done.

When he entered the house, no one else was up. Quatre smiled slightly; he was glad. Now maybe he and Trowa could have a private conversation without Duo eavesdropping. Dropping the paper on the table, Quatre retrieved the teapot and poured the burning water into the mugs. He set two tea bags in them, watched them steep and turn the water a golden brown color. Quatre grabbed the sugar bowl and put a couple spoonfuls into his own mug. _That should make it taste better._ Putting the envelope into this pocket, Quatre picked up the two mugs. He burned his knuckles slightly when he gripped them but ignored it. He walked back to Trowa's door, kicked it open lightly. Trowa looked like he was still asleep. He had his back to Quatre. It looked like Trowa hadn't slept well; his blankets and pillows were thrown across the floor. Wondering if Trowa had been having nightmares, Quatre set the tea on the dresser.

"Trowa?" Quatre called. Trowa tossed some. Quatre hesitated then sat on his friend's bed. Trowa didn't seem to notice the new weight. Quatre shook him tenderly. "Trowa?"

Trowa's eyes snapped open. He breathed somewhat heavily and looked about the room, as though he couldn't remember how he had gotten there. Timid green eyes rested on Quatre; they frightened Quatre a little. Trowa finally calmed, his breathing slowed and he sat up, running a shaking hand through his hair.

"...Good morning Trowa." Quatre said. He tried to sound calm but he was worried now. Trowa never had a bad dream, at least none that Quatre had ever heard. To see his friend so nervous as he slept and when he woke, it made Quatre's heart shake.

"...Good morning..." Trowa replied in a quiet voice.

"Sleep well?" Quatre asked, trying to sound like he hadn't noticed anything. Trowa looked at him. There was almost a look of relief on his face. They both knew that Quatre wasn't about to tell the others.

"Could've been better." Trowa admitted. Quatre nodded slightly then retrieved the tea from the dresser. He handed one to Trowa, watching him slightly to make sure his shaking hands didn't drop it. "Thanks..." he said and sipped it slowly.

"Sure. I know how much you like it." Quatre smiled and sipped his own. The sugar made it taste better. Quatre watched Trowa drain his mug quickly. The tea steadied him. _Good._ "It's a lovely day out today."

"Really?" Trowa said.

"Mhm. I went down to see if there was any mail." Quatre removed the envelope from his pocket and handed it to Trowa. "This came for you. But...there's no return address."

Trowa set the mug on the nightstand and took the envelope in his hand. He didn't open it; he stared at it. Looking at the writing, Trowa's face changed. There was a softness to it and yet nervousness. Trowa's hands shook slightly, closed his eyes for a moment. _...He does know who its from, doesn't he?_ Quatre thought. _But I can't tell if it's a good thing or a bad thing. He looks kinda happy, but kinda scared too._

"Trowa...is something wrong?" Quatre asked. Trowa shook his head and left the note on the table. Quatre didn't want to push his limits but he wanted the truth from him. "Come on, Trowa. You can tell me." Trowa said nothing, looked down at his hands. "Please?" Trowa still said nothing. Quatre finally decided to ask. "...Who's Nanashi?"

"Wh-What?" Trowa looked up at him. Quatre studied his expression. He was clearly surprised at Quatre's question, and worried too. Like he seemed worried about that envelope. "Why do you ask?"

"...I heard you say it in your sleep." Quatre admitted. Trowa said nothing at this. He looked at the window for a moment. Quatre wondered if he was angry.

"...Quatre..." Trowa said finally. Quatre looked at him. "You said...your attacker had tears in his eyes when he attacked you. And...that he said he wanted to die..."

"Yeah." Quatre whispered. "Why?"

"...What does that tell you about him?" Trowa asked and looked at him. Quatre had been thinking about it lately. He put his hand in front of his lips and considered his words before speaking. Trowa waited in a respectful silence. He seemed interested in Quatre's response and willing to wait.

"What do I think?" Quatre began. He crossed his arms slightly and closed his eyes. "I think he really did feel guilty. There was shame and self hate in his eyes."

"...And the they he mentioned?" Trowa said simply. Quatre wondered why Trowa was asking him this.

"...I think they, whoever they are, are messing with him." Quatre said finally. "The same way that people messed with our heads. But on a much grander scale. I think he's kind of like Heero, a perfect soldier. But I think they're still working on breaking him. Whoever this is, his emotions and judgment are still intact. That's probably why he became so upset..."

Trowa said nothing at this. He laid back against the pillows and stared up into the ceiling. Quatre watched him, wondering about him. Sighing heavily, Trowa closed his eyes. For a moment, Quatre could have sworn something glittered on his friend's lashes. _A tear perhaps?_ Quatre had never seen Trowa shed a tear, never in all the time that he had known him.

"Does that answer your question?" Quatre asked after the silence was too much for him to bear. Trowa nodded and opened his eyes. If there had been a tear, it wasn't there anymore. "Good. Trowa?"

"Yes?" Trowa said as he sat up again. Quatre looked down at the mug in his own hands. He tightened his grip around it.

"...Why did you ask?"

"I was just curious." Trowa replied. It was a lie and Quatre knew it. But he could hear the others stirring and decided better than pressing further.

"Oh ok. Well I'm going to make some breakfast. Do you want some?"

"...Sure. I'll be out in a few." Trowa got up, he had slept in his clothes, and began to straighten up his bed. Quatre smiled and took the empty mug and left. He leaned his ear slightly against the now closed door and listened. Swearing that he heard a faint cry, Quatre shook his head and returned to the kitchen to make breakfast. He heard Heero and Duo's bedroom door open and smiled at them, hiding the worry beneath a bright disposition. _I will ask about it later, _Quatre thought as Heero came to help with breakfast. _Trowa will tell me what's wrong...I hope._

* * *

_Authors notes: Angra Mainyu: Its Persian. It means "Evil Spirit" and is the God of Destruction. Yes its meant to be a paradox of Nanashi's true character. And for those of you who do not know, Nanashi means "Without Name" in Japanese. That's my notes for now RR please_


	4. Chapter 4

_Yay chapter 4!!! hooray to me!!_

* * *

Chapter 4:

Nanashi leaned against the wall outside the theater in the dead of night. The neon lights of the theater hurt his eyes; he still had a migraine. He sat down slowly, gasping tenderly at the pain in his ribs and limbs. His beating had been severe; they hadn't even realized that he was hardly able to stand. Nanashi had fainted half way through his punishment and awoke days later, still tender and sore from the beating and a surgery he couldn't remember having.

Closing his eyes slowly, Nanashi panted. He had only been conscious for a few hours and they had already sent him out on assignment. They cared nothing for Nanashi's health. Only that he stayed alive. _"Death is too good for you."_ the officer often had told him. _I want to die...but I can't. _Nanashi knew that he would always live. They would beat him and torture him to an inch of his life...then bring him back to use him again. _I hate you all..._

Nanashi's fingers fell to his shoulder absently. He could still feel Trowa's touch there, from where he held it not four days before. The look in Trowa's eyes had stayed with him for those four days, that look of concern and compassion. Nanashi was still slightly confused by it. Trowa had been violent, in a rage before the hood fell away. When he looked into Nanashi's face, gazed into his eyes, he softened and his voice, it was comforting. It was almost as though Trowa truly cared about what was happening to him. _"Please stay..." _Trowa had said when Nanashi tried to run away. At seeing the look of tenderness and concern in his face, Nanashi just wanted to fall into Trowa's arms, weep and curl against the handsome, caring male. He wanted to feel safe again, wanted to feel innocent and clean. Nanashi gripped his head. _But why would Trowa want me? Why would he want a killer too weak to stop himself?_ A small tear seeped into his jeans.

"See I told you that would be fun." A bright, cheery voice interrupted Nanashi's tears. He looked up a bit. Duo Maxwell and Heero Yuy were coming out of the theater. Duo had his arm hooked with Heero's; there was an amused look on Heero's face. Nanashi pulled his hood further over his face. Heero smirked slightly at him. "You did like it, didn't you."

"It was okay." Heero shrugged. Duo pouted playfully. Heero drew his face to him and kissed him. They held it for a moment or two. Nanashi felt a tinge of jealousy. He wished that someone would adore him the way they adored one another. Looking down at the sword he was hiding, Nanashi felt guilt rising again. Even if he was a bit jealous, he didn't want to ruin the relationship they had. _I'm sorry...I hope I fail._

"Heh, you kiss well." Duo laughed and put his arms around Heero's neck. Heero smiled more and walked with him, past Nanashi. Neither of them noticed him in the shadows; Nanashi lifted his head as soon as they were past. "We going home now?"

"Yeah. That okay with you? Or did you have another part to this 'date?'" Heero snickered.

"Oh there's another part, but we'd get arrested if we did that here." Duo laughed. Nanashi blushed slightly at the hint. He listened to them laugh and exchange sweet words as they walked further away. Nanashi finally rose, wincing painfully and gripping his sword. It felt like it weighed a thousand tons. He panted slightly, winded already but followed nonetheless. He wondered how far he could get without passing out from the pain in his chest.

Nanashi followed the pair down the street. He used the walls of buildings to support his own weight. The world felt tilted. He felt sluggish, like he was walking through knee high water. Nanashi trembled at the thought. He stared at the ground, panting and fighting against the vertigo. He felt nauseous. Yet, he looked up again, looked at the back of Duo Maxwell's head. Nanashi pulled a knife out. If he actually made this shot, he'd be amazed.

"You think Quatre got Trowa out of his room?" Duo asked, unaware of Nanashi's aiming.

"I dunno. Its likely. Quatre's closer to him then the rest of us and-" Heero stopped. The knife chinked against the sidewalk where Duo's foot had been a moment before. Heero whipped around, gun in hand. There was rage in his eyes. "You!" Nanashi held his sword up, tried to straighten the face. He rushed Heero; Heero blinked in shock then recovered. He fired a single shot.

Nanashi felt himself fall short, collapse to his knees on the sidewalk. Blood oozed out of his shoulder; bullet wounds were so painful. Nanashi wasn't sure how close the bullet was to his lungs or heart. He panted loudly and dropped his sword. Something connected with his face and he fell back onto the sidewalk. Nanashi closed his eyes and whimpered slightly. He was finally going to die and yet...

Nanashi's eyes opened suddenly. Using his good leg, he kicked out Heero's. Heero fell, Nanashi rose. He gripped his sword and stared at Duo for a moment. Duo backed away slightly. Nanashi raised the blade slightly, then fled in the opposite direction. _I don't wanna kill anymore!! I don't wanna die!! I don't want any of this!! I'll just run and never stop!!!_

_"Coward's way out, just like you."_

_I'm sorry!!! I can't help it!! I'm so fucking weak and useless, I'm sorry!!!_

_"You should be."_

The gun went off again. Nanashi's leg went out from under him. He howled in pain, gripped his knee and wept on the sidewalk. Blood spilled on the concrete, he could Heero's cursing. Nanashi looked back to them, his hood falling partially off his face. Heero must have gotten a glimpse of his face. His eyes became slightly wider as he got off the ground. Ignoring the pain, Nanashi got to his feet and ran again, limping down the sidewalk. Consciousness was abandoning him, he was struggling to breathe. He hoped that Heero wasn't following him.

He ran down another street, begged himself to stay up. But his body was fighting against him. Yelling at him to just lay down and rest. A sob escaped Nanashi as he ran. He gave in, collapsing in mid-run. He fell forward, expecting to hit the asphalt and break something else. Strong arms caught him, cradled him slightly. Nanashi looked up at the spinning face of one of the guards.

"...I...I failed..." Nanashi whispered, tears still pouring down his face. The guard said nothing to him. There was an angry look on his face but he didn't strike him. He dragged Nanashi to the car, tossed him onto the seat. Nanashi whimpered and rested his head on the leather seat. He felt the car shake at the slamming of the door and rocked back slightly as it sped off towards the base. Nanashi could no longer keep his eyes opened and hoped, that when he woke up, like he knew he would, that they would go easy on him.

_"Yeah good luck with that."_ The voice snickered at another one of Nanashi's hopes.

_Hey...I can dream...can't I?_

* * *

Trowa sat in his room, stared absently down at the envelope he had not yet opened. He didn't know whether it was anxiety or fear that kept him from opening it. It was from Nanashi, Trowa knew this. It was the same thin, tear stained writing that had been on the card that he had found with the flowers. He hesitated as he reached for it. _It's a note from Nanashi. I should open it. I want to open it._ Still repeating that in his mind, Trowa ripped the top of the envelope slowly and dumped the contents on his bed.

A dozen blood red rose petals danced onto his sheets. Trowa fingered them a bit, brought one to his lips. There was a still a vague salty scent to its sweetness. _Nanashi's tears._ Closing his eyes, he held the petals in his hands and thought about him for a while. He wondered why his heart was fluttering so much when he thought of Nanashi. _Maybe..._Trowa opened his eyes and looked back down at his bed. There was a letter and something else. _Looks like a computer disk_.Trowa picked it up, turning it over in his hand before looking to the letter. Again, he saw Nanashi's writing.

I'm so sorry Trowa...I can't help it anymore...I'm so very weak...and it's all my fault...Take this. It will help you end all this...I'm sorry I can't stop myself...

Trowa couldn't make out the rest of it; the letter had been soaked with tears. He felt pain pull at his chest. Nanashi was guilty for all the things he had done. Trowa believed his words without question. He laid back against the pillow and looked at the disk. It was a plain black disk with a little writing on the side.

"Angra Mainyu..." Trowa said to himself. "Interesting..." Trowa thought about the letter. "Help me end all this...what does he mean by that?" Trowa sat up. "If Nanashi gave it to me...maybe it has some info on the people he works for." Hopping off the bed, Trowa crossed to his bedroom door and opened it slightly, looking out carefully.

It was night. And there was really no one home. Wufei had gone god knows where; he hadn't bother to tell anyone where he was going or when he'd be back. And he looked very put out when the others tried to convince him to stay home because of the wound in his shoulder. Heero and Duo had left shortly after him. There was some movie that Duo wanted to see and Heero decided to join him. It was a date, even if Heero wouldn't admit it. They had invited Quatre to come along. Quatre had been very polite in rejecting them, saying simply that he was looking forward to a quiet night with a book. They had even invited Trowa. But Trowa was in no mood to accompany Heero and Duo on a date and, rather coldly, said he had other things to do. Which had been a lie since he done nothing but sit on his bed and look over the envelope.

Trowa looked about slowly. Heero and Duo hadn't come home yet, and neither had Wufei. _I'll just borrow his laptop for a few minutes. He shouldn't mind._ Trowa snuck out into the hallway. He could see the back of Quatre's head as he sat in the living room, engrossed in his book. Sighing quietly, Trowa walked silently to Heero's bedroom, opened the door and slipped in. It was pitch black; he ran a hand along the wall to find the light switch.

Heero's room was the same as Trowa's. The same bright blue color, the same kind of furniture, another bathroom. The only difference was Heero's seemed slightly smaller than Trowa's. But that was only because there were two people living in here. Trowa sighed and thought absently about what it must be like to sleep with someone you loved. He sat on the bed. The sheets still felt warm. Ignoring the loneliness welling inside him, he picked up Heero's laptop. He set it on the bed and waited as it turned on. _I'll be quick. He won't even notice. _Trowa felt somewhat guilty about using Heero's laptop without his permission. But Heero's laptop was better than his own. And something told him he was going to need Heero's laptop to figure out all the secrets on the disk. The computer finished loading and Trowa sat up straight. He looked about the desktop a minute, getting his bearings before inserting the disk and entering a promising looking program.

Trowa sat there for another few moments waiting for everything to load. He stared absently into the ceiling. Something pinged finally and Trowa looked down. There was an interesting looking logo in the upper right hand corner of the page, the word C.R.Y.P.T. in the center of it. It had to be something military. _So Nanashi kills for the military? But what country? What faction?_ Trowa looked in and out of different files. There was nothing he really understood in it. For about half an hour, Trowa tried to decipher the meanings of everything. He gave up on it eventually. _This is so fucking confusing. I don't know where the hell I should be looking._ Clicking randomly for a few moments, he opened up something labeled "Top Secret- Nanashi". Trowa's eyes lit up at the sight of Nanahi's name. _Yes finally some answers!_

Trowa clicked on another link, and ran face to face into a password. Resisting the urge to throw Heero's laptop against the wall, he pulled away from the laptop and scowled. He could've sworn he heard the program laughing at him. _Ok...let's think._ Hacking was not Trowa's specialty; it was Heero's. But Trowa could do it, if he was logical. Pulling the laptop onto his lap, he started typing in words that he thought would open it. After his tenth attempt, the urge to break the damn thing came back. _I have to be diligent, _Trowa thought. _I trust Nanashi, even if I can't understand why. If he says it'll help, it will._

Something clicked in Trowa's head. The small writing on the disk itself. He tried to recall it for a moment. _An- something...Anya...Angra! Angra...Angra Mainyu._ Trowa snapped his fingers and typed the words quickly, hoping he was spelling them right. He waited in anxious silence for any sign that things had worked. _Please let it work, please let it work._

"Password accepted. Welcome, Adrian Mullen." A female voice said. Trowa arched an eyebrow and wondered who exactly was Adrian Mullen. Trowa forgot about it when he saw all the files in it. _Jesus Christ. These people certainly did a lot of research on him._ He found what looked like journals. Journals on Nanashi's life, journals on his assignments. Trowa started reading something called "Disciplinary Actions." He only read a page or so before minimizing the file. He felt like he was going to vomit; those people tortured him.

As soon as Trowa's stomach settled, he went back to looking. He read through a couple of pages of assignments. They were very detailed. Nanashi had been killing for them for years. He found a daily journal; it was fairly sparse. It said almost the same thing over and over. _He lived by the same routine for years...God._ There was a list of injuries he had sustained over the years. Broken bones, cuts, gun wounds, bruises. A couple cases of internal bleeding. Sometimes a small "d" appeared beside the wound. Trowa had the sickening feeling that meant "disciplinary." _Damn._

"Hm?" Trowa had clicked on another file. It looked like a profile. Nanashi's picture was in the upper right hand corner. "Hm Nanashi Windsor. Age 15. Height 5 foot 5 inches. Weight 118 lbs." Trowa read. "Eye color Green/Gray. Hair color Whitish blonde. Father Unknown. Mother Irena Windsor." _So he took his mother's maiden name._ "Brother Jack Sebastian Windsor." _He has a brother?_ Trowa continued to read. _Nanashi is from the Colonies. How did he get to Earth then?_ "Nanashi..." Trowa whispered and covered his face. His heart was pounding.

"Nanashi. Doesn't that mean 'without name' in Japanese? Seems somewhat cruel to name a person 'without name.'" Quatre sighed as he leaned against the doorframe. Trowa slammed the lid of the laptop down, heart going a mile a minute. He was screwed, a guilty cat caught with a bird between its claws. Trowa tried desperately to think of an excuse for what he was doing but nothing came. His face grew bright red. Quatre smiled and put a finger to his lips. "Don't worry. I won't tell Heero."

"Thanks..." Trowa sighed. He lifted the laptop lid again. "Yeah I think it does mean that."

"Oh." Quatre said simply and ran a finger around the lip of a glass. "So you gonna tell me who Nanashi is?" Trowa said nothing at first. Quatre sighed and sipped his drink. _I guess...telling Quatre won't make much of a difference. He'll understand. I hope. _In silence, Trowa spun the laptop about on his legs, showing Quatre the screen. Quatre looked at it in mid-sip. His eyes went round. He spat out whatever he had been drinking and pointed to the picture of Nanashi in the right hand corner. "That's him!!!"

"He's name is Nanashi Windsor." Trowa looked away as he spoke. Quatre said nothing but began to regain his composure. He sat down on the bed and looked more closely at the picture. Trowa sighed heavily.

"He does look a lot like me..." Quatre said. He looked at Trowa. "Where did you get this?"

"...He gave it to me..." Trowa admitted finally. He sighed heavily. "It was in the letter he sent me."

"He sent you a letter?!" Quatre demanded. Trowa simply nodded. "God Trowa, how long did you know?!"

"Did I know what?"

"That he tried to kill me!!" Quatre yelled. Trowa looked at him. Quatre was angry but now so was Trowa.

"Not as long as you may think!" Trowa snapped. Quatre looked slightly surprised at his rage.

"Trowa...he tried to kill me...and you knew his name..."

"You said you think he felt guilty. You said that you think someone is messing with his head. That means its not just his fault!" Trowa hissed.

"But Trowa, he not only attacked me, but Wufei and he killed that politician and God knows how many others..." Quatre said calmly. He wanted to convince Trowa he was wrong. Trowa wouldn't hear it.

"Then he is no worse than we are!" Trowa yelled. "We're killers too!! Who knows how many countless lives we ended!! Its mind boggling to think about it! But we did it too, because someone ordered us to!! We're no better than him!!" Tears threatened to fall from Trowa's eyes. Quatre looked at him sadly then at the sheets. A tear or two splashed onto the cloth. Trowa's eyes went soft; he hadn't meant to make his friend cry. "Quatre..."

"You're right. If you look at it that way, we are no better. But..." Quatre looked back at his friend. "But that doesn't excuse him, or us."

"Quatre..." Trowa sighed. "You don't remember how you got to the hospital, right?"

"No, I don't."

"...Nanashi took you. He was the one who left the roses for you." Trowa sighed again. "He left you a note. I read it, I'm sorry but I couldn't help it." Trowa looked back at Quatre. "It said 'I'm so very sorry. Please kill me.'"

"...He said he wanted to die before he fought me." Quatre remembered.

"The note he just sent me...its nothing but apologizes and self hate. He knows what he is doing is wrong. Like we did. But he can't disobey orders..."

"We understand that." Quatre sighed.

"Quatre, he's not an evil person. He just isn't. I mean, I hardly know him...but I believe him..." Trowa whispered and clutched his chest. _I believe you Nanashi. I believe you when you say you're sorry. I don't know why but I will always believe you._ Trowa sighed finally, letting out a small cry that could barely be heard.

"...You love him, don't you?" Quatre asked. Trowa's head snapped up. He stared at Quatre questioningly. He hadn't even considered that idea. Not really anyway.

"...Love him..." Trowa repeated. It sounded strange coming off his tongue. "But...But how can I? I barely know him..." Quatre shrugged.

"Love can be like that I guess." Quatre said. Trowa looked down at the bed. _Could that be it? Is it love? Is that why I'm acting like this, feeling so strange when I think about him? I've never been in love before...how am I suppose to know?_ Footsteps on the porch were heard. "Shit someone's home!" Trowa's face went white. He ripped the disk from the laptop and shut it off, stuffing it back under the bed where he had found it. They both jumped off the bed and ran out, flicking the light off and shutting the door. Quatre jumped back into his seat on the couch and Trowa ran to the kitchen, shoving the disk in his pocket and pretending to make some tea.

"That damn kid..." Heero growled. Trowa looked back at Quatre for a moment. Quatre leaned over the back of the couch and looked at Heero and Duo as they shrugged off their coats and kicked off their shoes.

"What's wrong Heero? Didn't like the movie?" Quatre asked.

"Oh the movie was fine." Duo said with a snarl on his lips. "Its just that I almost got killed."

"What?!" Trowa and Quatre said at the same time. They exchanged nervous glances. Trowa's throat tightened terribly.

"Yeah, pretty sure it was the same guy who went after you and Wufei." Heero sighed. "About 5'5", Caucasian, green eyes, blonde hair. Looked a lot like you Quatre." Heero said. Trowa gripped the mug in his hands.

"Well what happened?" Quatre asked. Trowa's hands started to shake.

"He threw a knife at me!" Duo snapped. "Then Heero shot him. Twice."

"What?" Trowa managed to choke out.

"He rushed us with a sword, probably the same one he used in his other attacks. I got him in the shoulder before he got near enough to use it. He kicked out my legs and ran but I got him in the knee as he ran." Heero said in a cold, uncaring voice. Trowa felt like screaming at him but said nothing.

"...Did you kill him?" Quatre asked. Trowa looked to him with a frightened look. Heero and Duo didn't notice.

"Probably...he was bleeding a lot when he ran. He probably didn't get too far before collapsing from blood loss. Most likely, he's going to die."

Trowa's knees gave way, the mug smashed against the floor. He doubled over, held his stomach and tried his hardest to keep the bile down. The others called out to him; he felt hands on his shoulders. But all he could hear were Heero's words. He's going to die. The bile rose in his throat again and it took all his strength not to vomit right then. Quatre held his shoulders. Trowa didn't realize he was shaking.

"Trowa?? What's wrong?!" Heero asked. Trowa shook his head. "Trowa say something."

"...I...I don't know what came over me..." Trowa lied. Quatre looked at him sadly. He kept his gaze away from Heero's and started to pick up the pieces. "...I'll...I'll just clean this up..."

"No, you go lay down." Quatre insisted. "I'll clean it up." Trowa looked at him shakily before nodding slowly and staggering to his feet. Heero tried to steady him but Trowa pushed his hands away. The last thing he wanted right now was Heero to touch him.

"I can make it on my own..." Trowa said. He staggered slightly to his room, filled with pain and hate. _How could you Heero!? How could you shoot him!?_ Trowa closed the door behind him and held back his tears. The bile rose again. Trowa rushed the best he could to his bathroom. He vomited, sobbing loudly. "Damn you Heero!" He vomited again and beat his fist into the floor. "How could you!?" Trowa sank along the tub and wept. "Nanashi...oh God Nanashi..." Tugging at his hair, he sobbed into his knees, crying over his lost love, a love he had never even kissed.

* * *

"Wow Jack, the lake's so clear!" Nanashi laughed as he looked down into the water. Jack sat back on the grass under a tree. He opened an eye and grinned.

"Yeah I guess so." He smiled as he spoke. Nanashi looked back at him.

"But its clearer on Earth isn't it?" Nanashi asked with glittering eyes. Jack laughed loudly. Nanashi crawled back over to him and sat on his lap. "Isn't it??"

"Yeah it is." Jack sighed. He looked up at the artificial place. Nanashi laid his head back against Jack's shoulder. Jack wrapped his arms about him, held him close and sighed. "Someday, Little one. Someday we'll live on Earth."

"Like Mum and Dad did before?"

"...Yeah, like before." Jack sighed again, more sadly this time. Nanashi rested his eyes. "Sleepy Little one?"

"No, comfy." Nanashi replied. "Tell me again?"

"Tell you what again?" Jack asked.

"About Earth, where we're gonna live?" Jack laughed gently at his little brother's request. He ruffled the boy's hair.

"Alright." Jack said. He rested his head against the tree trunk and smiled a nostalgic smile. "It'll be a big house, like Mom used to live in. With a big front yard and back yard. With gardens and plenty of trees for you to climb on."

"Heh, I like climbing trees." Nanashi said.

"I know." Jack laughed. "And we wouldn't even be just us. It would be you and me and our friends, all living in the same big house in the middle of nowhere, where no one can ever bother us again."

"It sounds really nice Jack." Nanashi said. "Someday soon right?" Jack said nothing. Nanashi looked up at him. "Jack?"

Jack's eyes were closed. His breathing came out in slow, even breaths. Jack was so tired, Nanashi knew that he hadn't been sleeping well since those men had followed them that one day. Nanashi moved off his brother's lap and let him sleep. Crawling back down to the water's edge, Nanashi watched his own reflection. He sat there for a while, swinging his legs, humming to himself. He could hear Jack's gentle breathing. Nanashi laid down by the water's edge and rested his eyes. The sun was so warm, the water was so peaceful, Jack's breathing was so soothing. It was all so wonderful.

Nanashi wasn't sure how it happened, but when he opened his eyes, all he could see was water. Nanashi looked about frantically and clawed. He couldn't figure out which way was up. He panicked and started to thrash under the water. A limb hit the surface but he didn't know which. He tried to scream, the water filled his mouth and lungs. _JACK!!!!!_

"Nanashi?!" Jack called from above the water. "Nanashi where are you!!!!" _In the water!!! Jack help!!!! I can't breathe!!!!_ Nanashi thrashed, trying to get another piece of himself out of the water. He must have succeeded; Jack screamed. "Nanashi!!!!!" The water rippled around Nanashi. His sight began to fade. He started sinking further under the surface. _Jack...help..._

A strong hand gripped Nanashi's forearm. He felt someone pull him into an embrace. A rapid heartbeat invaded his ears. They broke the surface; Nanashi gasped and coughed. Jack pulled him onto the grass.

"Oh God, Little one!! Nanashi, look at me!" Jack pleaded. Nanashi looked at him weakly. Jack wrapped him up in his arms and lifted him. "Hang on, we'll get home and get you warmed up." Jack ran, pressing Nanashi against him to keep him warm. Nanashi felt so cold, his clothes felt heavy. He closed his eyes and whimpered slightly, blacking out. "Oh Nanashi..." Everything got so quiet. But Nanashi felt warm finally. "There we go Nanashi. All dry and warm now...poor thing..."

"...Jack?" Nanashi asked, eyes partially open. He was tucked gently into bed. Jack brushed his forehead with the back of his hand.

"Sleep Little one. You're okay now."

"Jack..."

_Nanashi..._Trowa's face swam into his dreams. He wrapped his arms about Nanashi's shoulders and pulled him into an embrace. _I love you Nanashi..._Nanashi tried to reach his hand up to touch Trowa's face but he couldn't move. Trowa kissed his neck tenderly. _My Nanashi...my sweet Nanashi...its time to wake up._

"What..."

_Wake up..._

Nanashi's eyes opened slowly. He stared painfully into the bright lights above him. He was back in his room, but he couldn't remember how he had gotten there. His eyes passed slowly across the room. There was an IV hanging by his bed and there was a needle in his arm. Nanashi pressed his hand against his eyes to block the light. He noticed it then. His hands. They were free. Nanashi stared at his bare wrists. This had to be the first time in eight years that they had left him unbound. _How long was I asleep?_

Sleep. At that word, Nanashi's eyes closed again and he sighed heavily. He had had so many dreams, it was hard to keep track of them all. He dreamt of Jack, as he always did, dreamt of the days of happiness he had had long ago. Missing his brother even more, he let a single tear dribbled down the side of his face. But he started to think again. _Jack wasn't the only one I dreamt of this time. Trowa...oh Trowa._ Trowa had appeared several times in his dreams. His eyes always had such compassionate look, as he spoke softly in Nanashi's ear. As though he was truly beside him, holding him. Nanashi realized how safe he felt in Trowa's arms, even in a dream. Now that he felt it he never wanted to leave.

But there had been nightmares too. Nanashi couldn't explain it but in the darkness of his dreams, he could hear another voice. He couldn't place it but it always seemed to be laughing, a breathy laugh as though he was doing something tiring as he chuckled. Nanashi's stomach would begin to tighten and his body would shake as soon as he heard it. It was as though the dream was real. Sometimes, it felt like someone was touching him; it felt wrong. Sweating, Nanashi recalled the strange feelings he would experience: pain, embarrassment, fear, moisture. He didn't like it. _But it was just a dream...right?_

Opening his eyes again, he wondered if he was alright. Nanashi sat up a bit; the pain in his chest wasn't so bad anymore. The bullet wound in his shoulder was fully healed; there was just a scar underneath the thin shirt. His cuts and bruises were faded. Nanashi lifted the sheets and looked down at his legs. The wound from Trowa's gun was long gone. And the wound from Heero's was healing well. Nanashi bent his leg slightly; there wasn't much pain. He sat up and put some weight on it. _I'll be able to walk._ The floor was so cold, Nanashi covered himself back up and looked to the IV. He listened absently to its gentle dripping. It was like a metronome. Carelessly, Nanashi began to hum the opening bars to "Green Sleeves", with a wonderfully nostalgic grin on his face.

Dozing lightly, Nanashi opened one of his eyes when the door opened. His guard stood in the light, watching him for a moment. Nanashi feigned sleep and hoped that he would just go away. Nanashi didn't feel like being told he had another assignment. The guard didn't leave. Instead, he shut the door and crossed to the bed. Nanashi wondered why he was watching Nanashi as he "slept." He tensed as the guard's hand fell to Nanashi's thigh. _Wh-What is he doing???_ The grip got a little tighter, Nanashi began to pant out of fear. _Oh God...It can't be..._

Nanashi's eyes snapped opened and grabbed the guard's hand before it moved inward. The guard stared up at him with a mixed look of rage and confusion. Nanashi's eyes narrowed and he spoke in a whisper.

"What do you think you're doing?" Nanashi demanded. He gripped the guard's hand and tore it off him. "Don't touch me!"

"Shut your trap!!" The guard yelled. He forced Nanashi back onto the bed. Nanashi growled and thrashed.

"Let go!! AHH!!! GET OFF!!!!" Nanashi yelled. Feeling the sting of a slap across the face, he felt his hands being pinned down by his head. The guard leered down at him. "You bastard!!! Let go!!" The guard laughed a bit. Something about this felt familiar. _The dreams...oh God..._ Nanashi pulled one of his knees out from under the guard and kicked him in the ribs. He watched with a grim satisfaction as the guard recoiled in pain. Nanashi tried to slide out from under him and run, but he felt his hair being pulled then being thrown onto the hard metal floor. The IV ripped from his hand, blood dripped down the back of his wrist. Nanashi let out a pained gasp before being pinned to the cold floor. "AHHHHH HELP!!!!" He howled. Someone had to hear, they had to.

"Shut up!" The guard snapped. Nanashi's head hit the floor painfully. He stopped moving for a moment. "That's right, take it like the weak thing you are." He sneered. Nanashi struggled, forced the man off him as best he could. They struggled and rolled across the floor. Nanashi's face was covered with tears. He wasn't strong enough to beat him off. He was being pinned down again. Thrashing more, he reached for whatever he could to free himself. He gripped something cold. He held it tightly and cursed the man.

"Get off me!!!!" Nanashi screamed.

"Shut up!!!" The guard snapped. Nanashi's clothes tore. He screamed and gripped whatever was in his hand. _God HELP!!!!!!_

It fired. The sound vibrated off the metal walls. It fired three times. Something hot and sticky poured onto Nanashi's flesh. He looked up at the guard on top of him, panting out of sheer terror. The guard looked down at him, death overtaking his enraged eyes. He looked down at his stomach. Dark colored blood spilled out of him. He coughed up blood. It oozed onto Nanashi's face and neck. Nanashi trembled. Blood was so warm.

The guard crumpled finally. Nanashi pushed him off, backed up into the wall. He trembled violently and fixed his clothes, still gripping the gun. He watched the blood seep across the floor. Looking down at the blood staining him, he trembled more. _I shot him...I killed him...God his blood is all over me...I think I'm gonna be sick..._Nanashi looked away and retched. He had just killed another person, but this time he hadn't meant to. He felt the guard's blood on his hands. Nanashi gripped his hair. _What have I done????_

"What the hell is going on?!" Another guard yelled. He stood in the doorway and looked at the scene: the guard lying dead on the ground and Nanashi throwing up against the wall, still gripping the gun. "You bastard!!! Alarm!!!!" The second shouted. Nanashi listened to the alarm go off. The guard came at him. Nanashi didn't even realize what he was doing but the gun went off again. The guard fell; Nanashi could see through the hole in his head. Trembling more, he threw the gun down, jumped into his shoes and ran, speeding down the hall. He had to get out.

Nanashi knew his way around well. He had memorized the right doors to lead to his weapons and the outside world. Nanashi took a left down a hall and ran into several soldiers. They opened fire. Nanashi ran, dodged bullets much like Trowa had done, and rushed up to meet them. He didn't need his sword yet. All he needed was his fists and speed. They fell and Nanashi continued. He ran into the room and picked up his sword. He held it to his chest for a moment, wishing there was another way. He heard more running and yells. Nanashi fled again.

"Angra Mainyu!!!!!" The handsome officer yelled. Nanashi slid to a stop in the hanger. "What the hell are you doing!? Do you realize what you've done!?"

"I've killed, like you taught me to." Nanashi said slowly.

"You're suppose to kill the enemy!!! Not your allies!!!"

"Allies?? Allies!?!?!" Nanashi yelled. He unsheathed his sword. "No one here is my ally!!! You beat me, torture me!! You only care about me when you realize I might not live to kill another soul!!!" Nanashi felt hot tears on his cheeks. "He was going to rape me!!!"

"That's beside the point!"

"It is not!!! You don't care about me!! I hate you!!! I hate you all!!!" Nanashi started to shake. "If I didn't hate blood, I'd kill you all!!!" He heard the gun fire and felt a bullet scrape his shoulder again. In a rage, Nanashi rushed him. Now he wanted to kill. _This is all your fault!!! You bastard!!! I'll kill you!!! Then you'll know my pain!!!!_ He pushed the sword against the officer's neck. He could see his own rage in the officer's eyes.

_"Well, well. Look what you're doing Nanashi. Look what you've done. You killed without orders."_

_But...But he tried to rape me..._

_"That's not an excuse. You still killed him on your own judgment. And look at yourself now. You're going to kill again. He wasn't trying to rape you. You just ran up to him and put the sword against his neck. Heh, you do like killing things, don't you Nanashi?"_

_No...No I don't!!!!_

_"Just admit it Nanashi. You're enjoying it. You'll like Hell now. It'll seem so very right."_

_No!!!! I'm not!!! I can't be!!!_ Nanashi blinked frightened. He pulled away from the officer, listened to the sword clatter to the floor. He quaked and stared down at his bloodstained hands. He couldn't be enjoying it, could he? It didn't seem possible to him. Nanashi hated killing, didn't he? _But then why did I kill all those people? I could've avoided it, couldn't I? But then why didn't I? Oh God, what have I done?!_

Nanashi fled, running through the door of the hanger and out into the late day. Tears streamed down his face as he ran. The officer was shouting orders behind. Nanashi could hear the revving engines as they prepared to pursue them. Running faster, Nanashi sought to take refuge in the forest. The thick trees would cover his tracks and shadow him. But he had to make it. It was a long stretch of road until the trees. But Nanashi wouldn't let himself be stopped. Drawing all the strength in him, he begged himself to run like his brother. It was almost as though his brother was running beside him. Nanashi streaked down the road, a pale blur racing to the forest. A bullet ricocheted off the asphalt by his ankle. _Faster!_ Another struck his ankle. Nanashi stumbled, rolled head over heels on the road. He groaned painfully before standing, running with a limp into the forest.

The darkness covered him. Nanashi looked up into the canopy, leaning against a thick trunk away from the edge. The sunlight winked through at him slyly but Nanashi no longer cared about the sun. Darkness was his friend, it embraced him, sheltered him. Nanashi heard the slamming of car doors. He moved further away, dragging his weaker leg a bit. He bit his lower lip again. _I can't go back...I won't go back. I won't be their tool anymore...I will never kill again. _Nanashi collapsed by the roots of a large, old tree. He nuzzled underneath them, drawing his knees to his chest and shaking off the cold. _I deserve this. I deserve to die for all I've done. I will never kill again. No...I will wait and die alone. I deserve this..._

* * *

For close to a month, Trowa's health was disastrous. The morning after Duo and Heero's attack, Heero had walked into his room to see if he was feeling any better. His strange display in the kitchen had worried him. He noticed Trowa's bed had not been slept in and that there was a faint light under the bathroom door. Heero found Trowa on the floor, half conscious and laying in his own vomit. Suffering from a fever, Trowa barely even knew what was going on and reacted sluggishly to Heero's calls. He didn't feel himself being dragged to his bed or hear Heero's yelling. He was too out of it to notice anything.

Trowa was in bad shape For two weeks, he couldn't keep anything down and his fever was refusing to break. Heero was becoming desperate enough to admit Trowa into the hospital. Heero detested hospitals. But Quatre refused. He took it upon himself to care for Trowa. The others still weren't letting him do much around the house and Quatre wanted to his friend to get better. So he spent a good deal of time in Trowa's room, trying to get his fever to break for two weeks. He had given up on getting Trowa to eat; he would hold it down when he was ready. The others were wondering why the illness had happened so suddenly. Trowa was normally very healthy. _"Maybe something he ate? Or some virus?"_ Heero had suggested once. _"I'm sure its nothing serious..."_

But both Trowa and Quatre knew why he was so ill. Trowa was suffering from heartbreak and abandonment. It was all psychological. Neither of them had explained why Trowa had reacted the way he did that night. Quatre knew that Trowa was not about to discuss it with any of them. He was simply trying to get over his grief. He had found someone he loved and then he died, before Trowa could tell him anything.

But finally, in the ending days of that long grief filled month, Trowa became well. It wasn't as sudden as his illness had been. After two weeks, he could eat again. Another week and Trowa's fever began to break. And now, in the on coming night, Trowa sat up in his bed, looking sadly out the window with a damp washcloth in his clenched hand.

Wufei had gone out again, followed shortly after by Heero and Duo. Quatre remained home for Trowa. Trowa wouldn't have mind if Quatre went with them; he wanted to be alone right now. He had so much time to grieve, so much time to think and hate. Heero had been popping in and out of his room every so often, Trowa had been aware enough to know that. And he hated him for it. He hated Heero for checking up on him after harming Nanashi. Heero had destroyed something very dear to him. _He murdered my happiness._ Trowa felt like he was never going to be happy again, knowing that Nanashi was dead someplace. He didn't even have the desire to play music. One of the few things that had given him true pleasure. _Damn you Heero._ Burying his face in the pillow, he screamed in sorrow, rage, and agony. He felt like a child having a tantrum but didn't give a damn. Nanashi was dead, he had lost his happiness before he had even experienced it fully. He felt deprived and he blamed Heero for it. Trowa didn't think he would ever forgive Heero for the pain he had caused or the nightmares he had given Trowa. _Its his fault!! Damn it!! I hate you!!_

"Trowa?" Quatre called from the door. Trowa lifted his head, tears flowing freely from his eyes. Quatre looked sadly at him, crossed the room and sat on his bed. He brushed the tears off of Trowa's cheeks. Trowa closed his eyes embarrassed and buried his face in the pillow. "...Guess you're not feeling any better..."

"Oh I'm fine Quatre...my fever's down, I can eat...My heart's just tearing into little pieces." Trowa sobbed a bit. "I'm fine..."

"Trowa I'm sorry..." Quatre apologized quietly. Trowa sat up and watched him. "I can understand how you feel. I really loved her but she broke up with me anyway. I know how much it hurts to lose someone you love...but its different for you I guess. I'm sorry."

"...Don't be Quatre..." Trowa sighed and wiped his face on his sleeve. "...Thank you..."

"For what?" Quatre asked. Trowa looked at him and smiled slightly. It was the first smile he had shown in a month. Quatre beamed at it.

"For putting up with me..." Trowa sighed. Quatre smiled more.

"I don't mind." He said. They were quiet for a moment. Quatre took the washcloth and put it on the nightstand. He placed a caring, tender hand on Trowa's shoulder. "...They never saw him die...he could be alive..." Trowa's smile vanished.

"...I haven't heard anything from him...not in a month..." Trowa said, fighting back his tears. There had been no notes. No apologies or requests for death. There had been no blood red roses or petals left carefully for him. No photos of his next assignment. There had been no new attacks. No strange deaths. There had been no sign of him for a month. _He's probably lying in the ground by now..._ "He's dead Quatre..."

"But how do you know for sure? They never saw his body. If he is like Heero, a 'perfect' soldier, then it would take more than a bullet or two to finish him off."

Trowa understood that Quatre was trying to cheer him up. And he greatly appreciated Quatre's heartfelt attempts. Yet, Trowa didn't believe him. After reading all the information on him, after discovering all the pain they had caused him for "discipline," Trowa simply couldn't believe that the frail Nanashi would be able to withstand any more. But as he looked at Quatre, who smiled faintly at him in hopes of rekindling Trowa's happiness, he gave a small smile. He didn't want Quatre to think his efforts were in total vain. He had done so much for him so far.

"...Well maybe...I guess...its possible." Trowa sighed a bit. Quatre's smile grew.

"Its completely possible." Quatre insisted. "Hey, are you hungry?"

"Kinda..." Trowa admitted. His stomach growled at the mention of food.

"Okay. Wufei made something for you."

"Oh really. Well I'm just going to take a fast shower." Trowa said. Quatre hopped off his bed and almost skipped to the door. Trowa laughed quietly in his head.

"Ok, I'll bring it to you in a few." Quatre laughed. He went out into the hall and shut the door behind him. Shaking his head slightly, Trowa stepped gently onto the floor. His legs wobbled slightly from being in bed so long. But he made it to the bathroom rather easily and spent the next quarter of an hour washing, crying softly to himself.

Quatre returned shortly after he had finished. He dressed in some warmer clothes and was on his bed, drying his hair with a towel when Quatre poked his head back in. He balanced a tray in one hand and grinned happily at Trowa. Trowa had a lot of his color back and Quatre couldn't see the tearstains on his face.

"You do look better." Quatre complimented as he set the tray in front of him. Trowa dropped the towel on the floor.

"Thanks." Trowa said and looked down at the tray. It had to be the most meager meal he had ever seen. A small cup of tea and a bowl of some gloopy goop. Trowa picked the bowl up and sniffed it. It had no scent. "Who made this???"

"Wufei. He said it would be easy on your stomach and filling at the same time." Quatre said. Trowa looked at the food suspiciously. He wondered how it was going to taste since it had no scent. Gripping the spoon in his hand, he took a small taste of the sticky, goopy meal. His contorted in disgust but he forced it down his throat anyway. It sat in his stomach alright; it felt like it was glued there. Trowa took a long drink of tea, trying to wash the rest down and rid himself of the awful taste. "What's wrong? Are you still sick?"

"Ugh, that's terrible." Trowa groaned. Quatre laughed. "Is it suppose to taste like glue? Or stick in my throat?"

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad." Quatre said. Trowa filled the spoon again, forcing it into Quatre's mouth before he could stop him. Quatre's eyes widened and he swallowed with difficulty. Trowa smirked slightly as Quatre gulped down Trowa's tea. "Or maybe it can..." He laughed nervously. "But you should eat it anyway."

"You're kidding."

"Well Wufei made it for you. It would be rude not to." Quatre had a point. Trowa looked down at the bowl. Wufei had made it for Trowa so he would be able to get well. With a heavy sigh, Trowa munched the food slowly. He wished that Quatre hadn't drank all his tea. He finished finally, pushed the tray away and tried to get the taste out of his mouth. "Well its food at least."

"That's debatable." Trowa sighed. He laid back against the pillows. Quatre looked around his room. His gaze fell onto Trowa's desk, which was unnaturally clean.

"Your desk. Its clean?" Quatre said confused. "Its never clean. Its usually covered in sheet music and books and things."

"I cleaned it earlier..." Trowa said. He had, when he had first woken up, looked at it and put things away. He had no desire to see the familiar clutter of the song he had been trying to produce. Because he had been composing a song inspired by Nanashi. "Just wanted to try something new."

"Oh..." Quatre said. "It just seems, unnatural, you know? It was the only thing you let get messy and that's only because you're so dedicated to music. Unless," He looked at Trowa with a rather surprised look. "Unless you have given up music." Trowa said nothing. "Please don't. You play so beautifully."

"...I'm not renouncing music. I'm just take a breather from it." Trowa said in a quiet tone. He clenched the sheets slightly as he looked through the drawer to his flute, resting in its place of honor in its black velvet case beside his incomplete work. "That's all."

"I see..." Quatre sighed a bit. He rested his chin in his hand. "I remember when we used to play together. That was always fun."

"Yeah, it was." Trowa admitted. Quatre was also a wonderful player, though he was far too humble to admit it. Trowa sat back and remembered how they would sit outside in the grass, playing together for hours. Trowa did miss those days and when he closed his eyes, he could almost hear the songs they used to play in the sunlight. Then he heard something else. A twig snapped. Quiet voices conversed outside the window. Trowa shot up. "Quatre kill the lights." he whispered.

"What?"

"Do it." Trowa ordered in a whisper. Quatre rushed to the wall and the room was bathed in darkness. Trowa crawled off his bed and to his window. Pressing an ear against the wall, he could hear the voices more clearly. Quatre knelt beside him. There was a small tremor going through his body.

"With the lights off and the camouflage netting, they won't find us." Quatre whispered. Trowa nodded but as he listened something told him they weren't looking for them.

"I don't think they're looking for us." Trowa whispered.

"What do you mean?" Quatre asked. Trowa hushed him. They listened closely.

"Damn it! Why can't we just shoot the kid and be done with it?" someone snapped.

"You know why. Even if the kid is a pain in the ass, he still does a good job."

"Yeah right. He wakes up after a month and then goes ballistic and starts killing people. Damn it, we should've killed him when we had the chance. Instead of letting him stay."

"Yeah I guess...we probably could have handled the gundam pilots on our own." The conversation moved away. Trowa tensed slightly and looked back to Quatre. His eyes glowed in the dim light but they were narrow. Angry? Trowa wondered why.

"...They're talking about Nanashi, aren't they?" Quatre asked. Trowa didn't think it was possible. But who else could they be talking about. His heart flew at the thought of Nanashi being alive. But his anger started to rise when he thought of what would happen if he didn't find Nanashi first. "Trowa?"

"We have to find him." Trowa said and went over to his bed. He pulled a gun out from under it and loaded it. He knew that those men weren't going to give up Nanashi without a fight. But Trowa wasn't about to let them take him back. "You coming?"

"...Yeah." Quatre stood up and raced after him as Trowa went out to the front door. They both put on their shoes and stepped out into the night. A cold air whipped at them. Trowa wish absently for his green sweater but forget it as he took off running. "Wait up!!" Quatre chased after him. "Do you even know where you're going?" _No but I'll find him, I have to._

The forest was so big. It had been the perfect cover for the lot of them. Even their gundams were hidden in the forest, carefully placed in areas that were hard to reach. Trowa spun about after ten minutes of searching. He felt suddenly very lost. The forest was so much different in the darkness. _Shit I wish I had a flashlight._ Stumbling over upturned roots, Trowa caught himself as he fell. Something wet and sticky brushed his hand. He searched for it. It was a leaf, covered in something. Sniffing it, Trowa found that is was covered in blood. _Nanashi._ The scent of blood was suddenly very strong; Trowa followed it. He felt his way, tripping and running into trees more than once. Quatre kept close to him, occasionally holding onto the back of his shirt to keep track of him.

"Nanashi?" Trowa called finally. He heard nothing. "Nanashi where are you? Its me, Trowa." Trowa looked about furiously. "Nanashi please, answer me."

It was very faint. But Trowa could hear the sound of a faint whimpering close by. He looked back at Quatre. He could hear it too. He let go of Trowa and walked forward a bit, listening to the noise. Trowa followed slowly, keeping hold on the gun for fear that one of the soldiers might try to pry Nanashi away from him. Looking round, Trowa realized he had lost Quatre. He called out to him quietly. _Shit, where'd he go?_

"Oh Allah! Trowa!!" Quatre cried. He wasn't too far away. Trowa ran, hoping that Quatre was okay. He rounded a tree and just barely managed to stop himself from running into Quatre. He was standing, open mouthed, staring at the roots of a tree. Trowa looked as well; suddenly he wanted to vomit.

Moonlight seeped through the old tree's leaves and branches, illuminating the ground beneath it. Curled up among the roots sat Nanashi. He was pale, much paler than he had been before, shivering in the cold. He was dressed in gauzy clothes that didn't seem to fit him; he was so thin. Nanashi raised his head a bit, looked at them with glistening eyes. They were dark and frightened. His head fell again and he sank further back against the tree, holding himself. Trowa stared down at him, tears threatening to fall. Quatre was mumbling something under his breath. _A prayer?_

"...I know why you're here..." Nanashi said finally. His voice was slightly hoarse. Trowa and Quatre stared at him. Nanashi looked at them; there was sadness in his eyes and yet there was hope too. "All I ask...is for just one thing..."

"What?" Quatre asked him. Trowa said nothing, merely looked to Nanashi. Nanashi sighed slightly and looked at the sky.

"...Just do it and let me die...Don't show me any kindness or mercy...Empty your gun and leave me to bleed in the cold...I deserve it...Please don't show me any sort of pity or compassion...Just shoot me and leave me to die...I deserve to suffer and die for all I've done..." He whispered and hugged his knees, head down, neck exposed. "Please...just grant me that..."

It had to be the oddest request Trowa or Quatre had ever heard. They looked to one another then to Nanashi. He waited patiently for them to execute him. That was the last thing on either of their minds. Trowa dropped his gun, fell to his knees in front of Nanashi. Nanashi looked up at him weakly. Trowa brushed a couple strands of hair from the boy's face, pulled him into his arms. He felt Nanashi tense in his arms then relax and rest. Running his fingers through Nanashi's hair, Trowa felt his heart pound madly in his chest. He was so very happy right now, to have Nanashi in his arms. His hand passed over the boy's forehead; he was freezing.

"We have to get him out of here." Trowa looked up at Quatre as he spoke. "We have to get him someplace safe." Quatre nodded. Trowa looked at the ground.

"What is it?" Quatre asked.

"...We can't take him home...we both know what will happen..." Trowa mumbled. Yes they did. Heero would most likely try to finish the job to keep them all alive. "...But where else can I take him? Where else will be safe for him..."

"My sister's house." Quatre said finally. Trowa looked up at him. "Its maybe 30 minutes away. We could take him there."

"...I wanna stay with him..." Trowa said quietly, looking into Nanashi's face. He was asleep, or unconscious. Trowa held him close, unwilling to let him go.

"You can do that. Its kinda small but it should be fine for just two people. She doesn't use it much so she gave me the key in case I ever wanted to. Come on, we'll go now."

Trowa nodded slowly and stood, carrying Nanashi in his arms. Nanashi wasn't at all heavy. He must not have eaten in a while. He walked slowly behind Quatre, forgetting all about the other soldiers who could still be in the forest. It took them a little while to make their way back to the house. Neither of them had heard anything from the soldiers. _Hopefully they just gave up. _Trowa sat on the trunk on the car with Nanashi as Quatre went inside to get the keys. _Nanashi...I'll get you better...I'll protect you...promise._ Quatre returned, unlocking the car and getting in the driver's seat. Setting Nanashi down gently on the back seat, he sat in the passenger seat. He closed the door and watched the forest speed by as Quatre drove away.

"...Quatre?" Trowa said after ten minutes of utter silence. Quatre looked at him from the corner of his eye.

"Yes?"

"...Why?" Trowa couldn't help but ask.

"Why what?" Quatre replied.

"...Why are you doing this...helping me hide him..." Trowa sighed. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate it; he truly did. Quatre said nothing for a moment. Trowa wondered if he had offended him. "Never mind....you don't have to answer. Thank you." Trowa smiled a little at him. Quatre smiled back and they continued on the drive.

"Hey Trowa..." It was Quatre's turn to break the silence. "What are we going to tell the others?"

"I dunno. They're going to want an answer." Trowa said. He thought about it in silence.

"We'll tell them you went to visit Catherine in France." Quatre said finally. "I'll drop you off and take the car back and bring your motorcycle to the house."

"...Why would I drive to France???" Trowa asked. Quatre laughed a little. "You know that's going to be the first question out of Duo's mouth."

"I dunno. But I'll call Catherine and tell her what's going on. She'll cover for you, I know it." Quatre said.

"Yeah...thanks." Trowa said again. He looked out the window as they drove. He could see the outline of the house finally. It looked smaller than the other. Quatre pulled into the driveway. Trowa got out and picked Nanashi up again. Quatre handed him a key.

"Here. Go and get settled. I'll come back in a bit." Quatre smiled at him and got back in the car. Trowa nodded and watched him drive away before going to the front door, unlocking it, and taking Nanashi into his sanctuary.

* * *

_cuteness. um...is it a bad thing if you cry cause of your own tales? hm...well please review people_


	5. Chapter 5

_Again, I don't own any of the lyrics I use. And please please tell me you know who the John Doe is after this Chapter. _

* * *

Chapter 5:

Nanashi tossed slightly. He felt different. He wasn't cold anymore, he was warm. Blood was not dripping down his leg anymore and he felt somewhat clean. Soft sheets pressed against his skin. Nanashi sighed. _I wonder if this is what death is like?_ He dared to open his eyes.

Nanashi found himself looking up a bright ceiling. That startled him. He sat up a bit and looked around. He wasn't dead. He was in a bedroom, covered in blankets. The room was relatively bright, painted in a pretty green. But it was rather small. Nanashi held the covers against him, suddenly scared. _How did I get here??? The last thing I remember is..._ He put a hand to his heart. The last thing he remembered was Trowa hugging him.

But why? Why would Trowa have hugged him? Why didn't he end Nanashi's life like Nanashi thought he would. All he wanted was to die, to suffer for his crimes. Why did Trowa hug him? Why did he spare him? Nanashi stared down at the covers and sob. He covered him face with his hands. He didn't want to live. _Why why why!!!!? I don't want to live anymore!!! Why didn't he just let me die!!!_

"Nanashi?" The door opened slowly. Nanashi looked up at Trowa. He leaned in slightly, watching him. "You're awake. That's great." He smiled a bit and came in. "How...How are you feeling?" Nanashi's eyes started to tear again.

"Why..." Nanashi asked. Trowa said nothing. "Why didn't you let me die?" More tears flowed from Nanashi's eyes. He clenched the sheets. "Why!?" He pleaded. All he wanted to do now was die. Why did Trowa stop him?

Trowa said nothing. Nanashi sobbed, covering his eyes with his bloodstained, filthy hands. He shuddered violently, feeling his tears slip through his fingers. They still felt alien to him. Nanashi heard faint footsteps. He thought for a moment Trowa left him to his weeping. But instead, Trowa sat beside him. He moved Nanashi's hands from his face and wiped the tears away with a tissue. The white tissue turned a pale rustic color as dried blood came off Nanashi's face.

"Shh...don't cry..." Trowa coaxed. Nanashi looked up at him timidly. The same compassion Trowa had showed him after he had attacked Wufei was back. Trowa's hands were so soft as they touched Nanashi's filthy skin. "Its ok..." He held Nanashi's cheek. It was a strange feeling, feeling Trowa's tenderness. But Nanashi felt so safe like this. He closed his eyes and rested his cheek in Trowa's hand. "...Wait here." Nanashi felt suddenly cold when Trowa left the room. He drew his knees to his chest and closed his eyes, resting his head on top of his knees.

Something warm pressed against his cheek. Nanashi lifted his head and opened his eyes. Trowa pressed a warm washcloth against Nanash's face, gently cleaning the dried blood of him. Trowa shushed him affectionately. Nanashi said nothing more. Trowa cleaned the blood off of him, eyes closed a bit. Nanashi felt warm and wanted.

"...Are you in any pain?" Trowa asked quietly.

"...No..." Nanashi answered.

"That's good." He said softly. "Do you want to get cleaned up?" Nanashi thought about it. It had been so long since he had felt truly clean. He looked down at himself. Dried blood covered his torso and legs. There was dirt on him from lying in the forest for so long. Nanashi nodded finally. He wanted to be clean. "Okay." He pulled Nanashi to his feet. Nanashi legs were tired from all the running he had done. He stumbled a bit; Trowa caught him. Nanashi face was buried in Trowa's chest. He could sense Trowa's scent. _He smells so good,_ Nanashi thought with a blush. "You alright?"

"Uh huh..." Nanashi murmured as he stood up straight. Trowa smiled at him; he had a beautiful smile. Nanashi let him lead him out into a small hallway. The house had a small quaint feeling to it but Nanashi didn't get long to look the place over. Trowa took him to the bathroom. It was a nice size, with white and pink wallpaper and white porcelain fixtures.

"Here, you take a shower." Trowa said gently. He set a couple towels on the edge of the sink and went to the door. "I'll be out here if you need me." He smiled again and left Nanashi alone in the bathroom. Nanashi looked about for a moment before turning on the water. It was warm to the touch; Nanashi sighed happily at it. He undressed slowly, leaving his soiled clothes on the ground and showered, ridding himself of the blood of others. Nanashi spent a long time in the shower, delighting in the feeling of cleanliness, and gently touching the place where Trowa had put his hands.

Nanashi finally pulled himself away from the warm and pure water. His skin wasn't filthy anymore, just pale as it always had been. He wrapped a towel around his waist and sat down on the edge of the tub. Wrapping his arms around himself, he sighed heavily. He was clean but it felt like he was tainting the white room. He looked down at the floor, suddenly depressed again. There were clean clothes on the floor. _Trowa must have brought them in._ He dried himself off and dressed. The clothes were a little big on him. _But that's probably because I haven't eaten in a while..._He pulled on a pair of socks and sighed. Drying his hair, he tried to focus on the positives. Trowa had brought him to a safe house. He had taken him away from those people. He showed him kindness and compassion. Nanashi was happy. He sat against the tub.

_"Why are you happy? Don't you know what's going to happen next?"_ the voice hissed. Nanashi dropped the towel and closed his eyes.

"What are you talking about? Why shouldn't I be happy?" Nanashi mumbled.

_"Don't you know what will happen? It won't be long."_

"...Won't be long till what?"

_"Till he abandons you."_ The voice laughed. Nanashi felt a vice clamp about his chest. _"You're so weak, why would he want to stay beside you?"_

"Trowa shows me compassion..."

_"He shows you pity. There's a difference." _The voice grew quiet then started to laugh. _"You love him don't you? Hahahaha"_

"...So what if I do..." Nanashi said. He closed his eyes and clutched his heart. He had never said it before but that had to be the reason. Nanashi loved him. _I love you Trowa. I can't explain why, but I do. I want to spend the rest of my days with you...but I don't wanna hurt you..._

_"How could he love someone as weak as you."_

"I'm getting real tired of you..." Nanashi sighed.

_"But you're weak. Heh, he'll never love you. He'll just get tired of you and leave you all alone. Or worse, send you back to them."_

"No! He wouldn't do that! Trowa's not like them. He has compassion and love in his heart and soul. I don't believe you! You aren't winning today." Nanashi snapped in defiance. The voice said nothing for a bit. Nanashi smiled a bit to himself and got up and looked in the mirror. He fixed his hair a bit and noticed a lovely looking vase with dried flowers on the window behind him. Sighing happily, he closed his eyes. _I won this time._

_"Well. Let's be hypothetical for a moment."_ The voice said. Nanashi opened his eyes and looked at his reflection. _"Hypothetically, let's say Trowa did love you back. And he didn't abandon you or send you away."_ Nanashi said nothing. _"Don't you understand what will happen?"_

"Don't know what you're talking about."

_"They'll come looking for you."_ The voice whispered. _"You know they will. They're not about to give you up without a fight." _Nanashi didn't say anything. He crossed to a radio on the floor and flicked it on. He wanted to drown out the voice.

"I'm not listening." Nanashi snapped.

_"You know you can't ignore me."_ The voice hissed. Turning up the radio, Nanashi closed his eyes and tried to focus on the lyrics.

_Memories consume  
Like opening the wound  
I'm picking me apart again  
You all assume  
I'm safe here in my room  
Unless I try to start again_

_I don't want to be the one  
The battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused_

_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I know it's not alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight_

_"Listen Nanashi."_ The voice purred as the music played. As loud as Nanashi had made the music, the voice was still louder. Nanashi held his head, trying to block it out. _"They'll never stop hunting you. They'll return and take you back, whether you like it or not. And if Trowa tries to defend you, since he 'loves' you, what do you think will happen to him? Hm?"_

"Shut up, shut up, shut up." Nanashi begged.

_"You see? They'll torture him if they catch him near you. They'll murder him and enjoy doing it too."_ Nanashi whimpered. _"You know what you have to do." _Opening his eyes Nanashi stood and faced his reflection. There was a dark gleam in his eyes. _"You have to get away from him."_

"I have to get away...But if I run, Trowa may follow me..." Nanashi murmured. The music blared.

_"That's right. So there's only one way for you to get away from him forever. Only one way for you to protect him. Do it Nanashi. Do it for your 'love.'"_

"Do it for my love..." Nanashi mumbled. He stared into the mirror, looked at the glass vase's reflection. In a dream, he whipped around, hand colliding with the vase and sending it crashing to the ground. The voice encouraged him.

_"That's it Nanashi. Its so close now, you can taste it, can't you?"_ Nanashi nodded slowly and gripped a large piece of glass. He sat back against the door, clutching it tightly and feeling it drip down along the glass. _"Go on Nanashi. It's the only way to save everyone. It's the only way to protect Trowa from them."_

"The only way..." Nanashi said. The glass felt kinda cold. The purity of it was stained.

_"That's right. Do it Nanashi. Protect him. Save him. Finish it."_ The voice ordered.

_Clutching my cure  
I tightly lock the door  
I try to catch my breath again  
I hurt much more  
Than anytime before  
I had no options left again_

_I don't want to be the one  
The battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused_

_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I know it's not alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight_

_I'll paint it on the walls  
'Cause I'm the one at fault  
I'll never fight again  
And this is how it ends_

_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
But now I have some clarity  
To show you what I mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
Breaking the Habit  
Tonight_

* * *

Trowa looked up at the clock. He had been pacing about the hospital waiting area for almost two hours. His heart pounded wildly in his chest. Trowa started to pace again, wringing his hands. _How long is he going to be in there? God, let him be alright...he has to be alright._

Trowa had brought Nanashi to the emergency room two hours ago. He had been setting things in the other bedroom. Quatre had brought him a duffle bag with some clothes, some personal items, his flute, and sheet music when he had come to drop off his motorcycle. Nanashi had woken up, in tears. Trowa had left his things and went to him, to comfort him. He cleaned up Nanashi's face a bit; he had been covered in dried blood. Nanashi seemed a little better after that. He wasn't shaking and his face had color again. Trowa had been so happy to see him looking well. Nanashi had decided to get cleaned up so Trowa went back to putting things away, waiting for Nanashi to finish.

It had been after he had finished and was looking over his music sheets that he had heard it. A faint crashing sound. His head snapped up and wondered where he it had come from. Perhaps Nanashi had slipped or something. His legs still seemed somewhat weak; he had fallen into Trowa's arms earlier. Getting off his bed, he returned to the bathroom door. He could hear music coming from within but nothing else. He had knocked a couple times, calling out Nanashi's name. There was no answer. Worried, Trowa opened the door to see inside.

Nanashi collapsed on the ground before him. He had been using the door to support himself. Blood was gushed out of deep gashes in his wrists. A large piece of glass fell out of his hands. Trowa screamed Nanashi's name, pulled Nanashi into his arms. Nanashi hardly reacted to him. His eyes rolled dangerously into the back of his head. He mumbled weakly, saying something about saving his love. Trowa shook him violently, cursing him slightly. Grabbing whatever he could, he wrapped up Nanashi's wrists and carried him outside. It had been strange, trying to drive his motorcycle while holding Nanashi. But he had to get him to the hospital. Trowa had to save him.

Which was why Trowa was pacing back and further in the hospital now. Waiting for any word on Nanashi's condition. He was wondering whether he was going to wearing a groove in the floor. The door opened; Trowa's head snapped up. A nurse walked straight past him and away. Trowa sighed heavily and sank into one of the chairs. He felt very tired now but refused to sleep. Sipping slightly at the coffee he had bought, he made a slight face. He normally wasn't a big fan of coffee but he need the caffeine to stay awake.

_Why? Why did he do that?! _Trowa asked himself. He put the cup down and held his head. Nanashi had been a sickly white when Trowa watched them rush him back into surgery. _What possessed him to take his own life? I thought he was okay..._ Trowa had been surprised when Nanashi asked him why he hadn't killed him. But he thought that Nanashi was feeling better, with how affectionate and quiet he was being after Trowa cleaned his face and shushed him tenderly. _I guess his desire to die was too strong...god don't let him die. I don't know what I'm going to do if he dies._

Trowa laid his head back on the back of the chair. He listened to the slowly tick tock of the clock, counting the monotone seconds. Trying to stay awake, he took another sip of coffee. Its effect was starting to wear off. Trowa rested his elbows on his knees and closed his eyes. _I'll just rest my eyes for a minute._ He dozed off. Trowa didn't dream very much. It felt like he had just closed his eyes when someone shook him awake.

"Excuse me sir?" A male voice spoke softly. Trowa opened his eyes reluctantly. He looked about, hoping that everything that had happened was just a dream. He was still sitting in the waiting area. Trowa sighed and looked to the nurse. He smiled softly. "Your friend's out of surgery."

"He is?!" Trowa exclaimed. He gripped the nurse's arms. "Well is he alright?!"

"He'll be fine. It was close, but he'll be alright." The nurse pried Trowa's hands off him. Trowa sighed happily.

"Can I see him?" Trowa asked. The nurse smiled at him.

"Sure. He's on the third floor, 211." he said. Trowa thanked him quickly and rushed to the stairs. He realized, as he was running up two steps at a time, that it was the same room that Quatre had been in almost two months ago. He wondered if there was any significance to it but soon forgot about it as he opened the door and looked into the room.

Nanashi was asleep, still out from the anesthetics. An IV and blood transfusion were hooked into his arm but other than that he seemed fine. There were thick bandages on his wrists, covering the scars he was going to have from his attempted death. Crossing to the bed, he brushed a couple strands of whitish hair from the boy's eyes. He made a small noise but remained asleep. Trowa sighed a bit and sat in the chair, just like he had done when he was waiting for Quatre to wake. _Oh Nanashi...don't ever do this again..._

Trowa waited, arms folded across his chest. Every so often, his eyes would droop and his head would fall on his chest but he would force himself awake. Trowa was getting sick of falling asleep; he got up and paced about the room trying to stay up. Looking out the window, the sun was peeking over the edge of the horizon. Trowa wondered how long he had actually been waiting. His legs felt numb from all the sitting he had been doing.

"Nanashi." Trowa said quietly, running a hand through the boy's hair. "I'll be right back, ok? I'm just going to go for a bit of a walk. I'll come right back, promise." Nanashi didn't say anything. Trowa went to the door. He looked back at Nanashi for a moment before leaving and heading back up the hall. Trowa walked for a while, fists in his pockets. He watched the glistening floor as he walked. Slowing down slightly, he read some of the room numbers. 308, 309, 310. Trowa stopped suddenly. 311. The John Doe's room. The nurse's words came back to him. _"He's such a good listener."_ she had said. _I could use someone to talk to right now..._ Looking up and down the hall for a moment, Trowa went into his room and shut the door behind him. It was the same exact scene as it had been before. But the lightening was different, painting the room with faint reds, oranges, and yellows. And on the table was a vase of fresh cut flowers. Trowa went over to the John Doe and sat on the chair beside his bed.

"...I really hate to bother you..." Trowa said as he looked at the floor. The man didn't react. "I mean, I hate bothering people with my problems when yours are clearly more important. But the nurse said you were a good listener and I really just need someone to talk to." He didn't expect an answer out of the man and didn't get one. "...It must be hard. She said you're responsive...it must be hard to be able to hear people and yet you can't tell them who you are." Trowa sighed. "I can't imagine what that must be like..." he stopped. "Sorry, I kinda went off topic didn't I? Not that I've even told you what the topic is. I'm sorry. Its just hard for me to tell people about my problems...or about me actually." Trowa sighed. He looked at the fresh cut flowers on the table and sighed. "Those flowers...they reminded me of him. He sent Quatre flowers, 13 roses, when Quatre was here. That was two months ago. I accidentally came in here, looking for Quatre. He sent him flowers..." Trowa sighed a bit. He scolded himself absently for not bringing flowers or something for Nanashi.

"I'm such a fool. I should've brought something for him..." Trowa scowled. He looked at the John Doe for a moment. "You see, the same person who brought Quatre flowers is in here now. In the same room Quatre was in actually. He...He tried to kill himself." Trowa's eyes welled up with tears as he said that. He wiped them away with the back of his hand. "Sorry...it just hurts you know? For a month...I thought he was dead...since a...a comrade of mine had attacked him and I didn't hear anything from him...for a whole month. I was heartbroken...I was a wreck for awhile. But Quatre took care of me, which I appreciate. But god, when I thought he was dead, I felt like I was never going to be happy again." Trowa quieted, wiping more tears away. "But I found him again. Just last night actually. And I was so happy when I got to see his face, even though he was hurt and scared. And Quatre and I got him somewhere safe...and he seemed fine." Trowa sighed heavily. "And then I open the bathroom door and he falls at my feet with slits in his wrists...God I've wanted to cry for so long...I cried a lot during that month and if he dies, I'll cry again." Trowa held his head. "The nurse said that he'll be fine. But what if he tries again? And what if I can't get him here in time? Or if he tries when he knows I won't be able to help? I don't care if he thinks he wants to die, I'm not going to let him kill himself. I can't lose Nanashi like that." Trowa gripped his hair a bit, a couple tears slipping down his cheeks. "I just can't...I love him too much to let him go..." He looked up a bit. "Maybe...Maybe I need to tell him that...make him understand how much I care about him...even if I hardly know him. I still love him...Yes that might be it." Trowa looked at the John Doe. "Does it seem like a good idea?" There was no response. Trowa got up and looked out the window. "I should at least tell him. I'm going to tell him." He looked at the flowers then at the John Doe. "May I take one of these? For Nanashi?" Trowa thought he could see a faint nod come from the comatose male. He looked the flowers over and picked one, a beautiful white one. He held it in his hand, sniffed it for a moment. "Thank you. For listening..." Trowa smiled vaguely. "She was right...you are a good listener." Trowa walked towards the door, flower in hand. "I should go back to Nanashi." He stopped. "I hope...I hope you get better John Doe...so I can thank you for real. Good bye." Trowa walked away. As he wandered back to Nanashi's room, he didn't see the John Doe's face turn towards where the flowers were. He didn't see his eyes open partial then fall as he whispered in a weak and tired voice the words "Little One" before falling back into his sleep.

Trowa walked back into Nanashi's room. The morning light was brightening up the room. There was no vase on the table so Trowa put the flower in Nanashi's hand. He watched Nanashi for a moment before getting down on his knees beside the bed and resting his head on the edge of it. He sighed quietly and put his hand on Nanashi's.

"...Don't ever do this again Nanashi...please." Trowa pleaded, unsure of whether or not Nanashi could hear him. He gripped Nanashi's hand gently. "Please. I love you too much to let you go like that. Don't ever try something like this again...I don't know what I'll do if I lose you, Nanashi Windsor." A couple of Trowa's tears seeped into the sheets. He closed his eyes and rested, waiting and wishing for Nanashi to wake.

"...Trowa?..." Someone called him. Trowa lifted his head, opened his eyes a bit. The room was so bright now. He looked around, trying to get his bearings. His gaze fell on Nanashi, who was sitting up a bit, the hand with the flower resting in his lap.

"Nanashi...you're ok." Trowa smiled at him, tearstains on his cheeks. He wiped them away and sat on the bed.

"...Yeah guess so..." Nanashi didn't seem too pleased with the idea. He stared down at his bandaged hands. "...Why? You let me live...again."

"Nanashi..."

"No. Explain it to me. Why do you let me live? You'd be so much safer if I was dead." Nanashi sniffled. "Everyone would be so much safer if I was dead. Why do you insist on letting me live?" Trowa put a hand under Nanashi's chin, lifted his face so he could see his eyes. They were glistening with tears. Trowa wiped them away, then kissed his lips very gently. Nanashi's hands clutched the sheet.

"Because I love you Nanashi..." Trowa whispered in his ear. He put his hand on Nanashi's again. "I don't ever want you to go away again..." Trowa watched him for a moment. Nanashi was touching his lips tenderly. Trowa wondered what he was thinking. Running a hand over Nanashi's hair, he smiled lovingly at him. Nanashi's eyes started to tear again.

"But..."

"But what, Nanashi?" Trowa asked.

"...But when they find me...they'll hurt you...I've seen so much blood...and death...I don't wanna see yours too..." Nanashi whimpered. He was shaking slightly at the thought of it. "That's the last thing I want...to see them hurt you." Trowa sat a little closer to Nanashi. Wrapping his arms around the small of Nanashi's back, he pulled him into a gentle embrace.

"They won't. I won't let them take me away from you. And I won't let them come near you..." He rested his head on Nanashi's. "I promise..."

Hesitantly, Nanashi's arms encircled Trowa's waist. Trowa's eyes opened a bit more then smiled faintly. Nanashi's head rest on Trowa's shoulder and they sat there for a while, holding one another. Sighing happily, Trowa rested one of his hands on Nanashi's head. He felt so very happy.

"...Trowa?" Nanashi said finally.

"Hm?"

"...Can we go home..." Nanashi asked in an innocent voice. He sounded like a small child for a moment. Trowa smiled down at him.

"I'll go find a doctor." He got up off the bed. He smoothed Nanashi's hair again. "I'll be right back." Kissing Nanashi's forehead tenderly, he left the room, walking down the hall again. Trowa smiled brightly and touched his own lips, relishing his first kiss.

* * *

Nanashi went back to the house with Trowa and stayed there with him. It had been a week or so since he had come home from the hospital. He still hadn't removed his bandages but he hadn't tried anything dangerous since he came home. He ignored the nagging of the voice in his head and tried his hardest to forget. But fate wasn't going to let him.

Nanashi was having nightmares, more nightmares than he had ever had. No more did he dream of the carefree days when he lived with Jack. Now all he dreamt of was all the people he had killed. All the blood he had seen. He dreamed of the moment when he killed without orders, at first to protect himself and then in just a blind rage. Nanashi would wake screaming, tears falling down his face, and his desire to die would return, just so he wouldn't have to see any of it again.

But Trowa was always there. He was so comforting, so understanding. He would pull Nanashi into his arms, even if Nanashi would try to pull away, and whispering gently to him. Telling him that things would alright. Nanashi was truly thankful that Trowa was there for him. Even though his desire to die was very strong, it wasn't what he truly wanted anymore. Now that Trowa had said he loved him, now that he had the taste of Trowa on his lips, he never wanted to be away from it. Which meant that he would suffer through his nightmares and the voice in the back of his head that cursed him, just so he could stay beside Trowa for as long as he could.

Nanashi awoke one morning, fighting back tears as he curled up in the bed he had grown accustomed to. His nightmares were scaring him; he huddled under the blankets and trembled. Nanashi didn't dare go back to sleep. Wiping his eyes, he got up and dressed. The house felt warm this morning but he still pulled a pair of socks on with the rest of his clothes. He looked at his harassed reflection and straightened himself the best he could. Satisfied, Nanashi walked to the door. As he put his hand on it, he heard voices.

"Thanks Quatre, this means a lot." Trowa said quietly. Nanashi opened the door a bit and looked out. Quatre and Trowa had their backs to him. They were in the kitchen.

"Its okay, Trowa. Really. I don't mind." Quatre smiled. This was the second time Nanashi had seen Quatre since trying to kill him. He seemed much better but Nanashi wasn't sure if he wanted to face him.

"...How mad are they?" Trowa asked as he put some things away. Quatre must have brought groceries or something for them. Quatre sat on the counter.

"They're pretty mad. Especially Heero. But I think that's because he's worried about you. He doesn't understand why you left. You were so sick...and then you just left."

"Well I feel much better." There was a smile in Trowa's voice.

"I can tell." Quatre laughed. He watched Trowa put a couple more things away. "Well?"

"Well what?" Trowa asked.

"How is he?"

"Nanashi? He's better. Much better." Trowa sighed slightly. _He was really worried about me._

"...He hasn't tried again?" Quatre asked. Trowa shook his head.

"No he hasn't. And I hope he never does. I don't know what I'll do if he dies..." Trowa fell silent. Quatre looked him over, a small smile painting his face.

"You really do love him, huh?" Trowa nodded. "I'm glad...everyone needs someone." Trowa smiled happily at Quatre. Gripping the edge of the door, Nanashi laid his head against it. Everyone needs someone. So simple a statement but so true. _Everyone needs someone. Yes, they do._

_"And everyone will have someone, except you, you cowardly piece of shit."_

_Shut up._

"So where is Nanashi?" Quatre asked. Trowa looked up from the tea he was making and looked back towards the bedroom door. Nanashi's eyes widened but he didn't have the time to force his head back. Trowa's eyes smiled gently at him, beckoned him out. Nanashi obeyed. He stepped out in the small hallway and made his way towards them, focusing his gaze on the floor instead on Trowa or Quatre. Quatre hopped off the counter and came to him. Nanashi closed his eyes, expected rage or pain. "Good morning Nanashi. Did you sleep well?" Nanashi's head snapped up and stared at the other blonde. His eyes smiled at Nanashi, as though none of it had ever happened.

"...Not really..." Nanashi admitted, the shock visible in his face. Quatre frowned slightly at that and took one of Nanashi's hands. He turned it over and peeked under the bandages. Nanashi's back muscled tightened; he was so confused. Why was Quatre showing him compassion, after Nanashi had tried to kill him?

"Hm, it looks like its healing fine. As long as you don't pick at it, you might not even have much of a scar." Quatre said, kindness still sparkling in his eyes. Nanashi nodded uncertainly. Quatre looked him up and down. He chuckled to himself. Trowa noticed.

"What's so funny Quatre?" he asked.

"Nothing. Its just we really do look a lot alike." Quatre smiled at Nanashi again. "Those fit you fairly well. I thought they would."

"They're yours?" Nanashi asked. Quatre nodded happily. "Oh..." Quatre must have noticed the surprise in his voice.

"Don't worry about it." He said. Nanashi simply nodded and sat down at the table. He rest his elbows on the table and held his head for a moment. _I don't get it. He's so kind. I tried to kill him. They're both so kind, its so confusing. You'd think he'd try to choke me for what I did to him. _

"Nanashi, is something wrong?" Trowa asked. He set a glass of orange juice in Nanashi's hands. Shaking his head, Nanashi sipped it in silence, trying to avoid their looks now. Trowa ran a hand through Nanashi's hair. He smiled at Trowa's touch and relaxed a bit. "Staying for breakfast Quatre?"

"No, I should get back before they realize I'm gone. We don't need Heero to get suspicious." Quatre walked to the door and slipped his shoes on and donned a jacket. "I'll see you in a week."

"Alright, thanks again." Trowa went to see him off. Nanashi felt cold, deprived of Trowa's touch. Closing his eyes, he rested his head on the table, listening to the sound of a car pulling away. Nanashi shoulders were pulled up and into a loving embrace. "What's wrong Nanashi?"

"Nothing, really." Nanashi insisted. Trowa's chin rest on his shoulder, his fingers played with Nanashi's hair. Nanashi closed his eyes, sighing placidly.

"Lying doesn't suit you Nanashi." Trowa whispered tenderly. "You can tell me, Nanashi."

"...Just a little surprised is all." Nanashi admitted.

"Surprised at what?" Trowa asked.

"...Why is he being so nice to me?" Trowa looked at him with a bit of amazement in his beautiful green eyes. Nanashi looked at him, confusion and a little sadness painted in his own. "Why?"

"You mean Quatre." Trowa said and released his shoulders. He moved away and back into the kitchen. Nanashi looked down at his hands. Had he offended Trowa? That wasn't his intention. He just wanted to understand. "Quatre is a naturally kind person. He's probably the most compassionate of the five of us." _I beg to differ Trowa,_ Nanashi thought with a loving admiration in his eyes. Trowa set a plate in front of Nanashi then sat beside him. "I guess he believes there is good in everyone, though I'm only assuming that's his belief. He understands," Trowa's fingers encircled Nanahi's hand. "what was going on with you." Trowa's voice was very soothing. "As do I. Its understandable. Its...forgivable."

"...No its not." Nanashi answered. "Its not forgivable to take another's life." Nanashi felt Trowa's fingers tighten slightly. "...I can't be forgiven for what I did...for my own weakness..." Depression took over. Nanashi sank slightly in his chair. _I will not be forgiven for what I did...no one can forgive me for all the blood on my hands. _He looked down at his hand and clenched. _All the waters of the world...can't dispel the blood._

Trowa's arms were wrapped about Nanashi's torso, holding him close to his chest. Nanashi could hear the rapid beating of the taller male's heart. His fingers traced a path along Nanashi's cheek. Shuddering slightly, Trowa brushed his forehead with a tender kiss. Nanashi made a small noise, pulled closer to Trowa for his comfort. Trowa's arms tightened about him as he whispered gently.

"Don't ever think that Nanashi." Trowa pleaded. "Don't even think that it was just your fault, your weakness. We live in a world based on naturalism." _Naturalism?_ "One cannot be solely held accountable for the things that they do, good or bad, not with the way the world is now." He rested his hand under Nanashi's chin. Nanashi looked at him, listen to his uplifting philosophy. "Believe me Nanashi, you are no more guilty than those who forced you. You are no more guilty than me." Nanashi looked into his green eyes. For a moment, he thought he could see guilty tears radiating on his lashes. _How are you guilty, Trowa Barton? I can see no guilt in you...nothing but the purity I've always seen in your eyes._ Nanashi slipped his arms about Trowa's neck, pulled Trowa down just a little to grace his cheek with a soft kiss. He smiled at Nanashi and ruffled his hair slightly. "Now eat. You are far too thin for your own good." Nanashi obliged, releasing Trowa and sitting again to enjoy the breakfast that Trowa had made him.

Hours later, in the late afternoon sun, Nanashi sat alone outside in the backyard. On his knees, he played with the flowers he had picked from the large garden around him. He has hidden from the outside world here, sitting amongst the petals and surrounded by trees. It reminded him somewhat of the seclusion of Trowa's other house. _We will be safe here. They won't find us here._

_"You keep thinking that. They'll find you, 'Little one.' They'll find you and force you to watch them torture Trowa. It'll be your fault that he gets hurt." _

_Fuck off. I'm not listening to you today._ The voice persisted but Nanashi ignored it. He focused on Trowa's face, Trowa's eyes, his words. _"One cannot be solely held accountable for the things they do, good or bad, not with the way things are." "We live in a world based on naturalism." "You are no more guilty than those who forced you."_ Nanashi smiled at the thought of his words. They were so compassionate, as he had intended them to be. He smiled happily and touched his lips for a moment. Nanashi loved the feeling of Trowa's skin. _Oh Trowa...I love you so much..._

Nanashi went back to what he was doing. With a graceful movements, he bent and manipulated the stems of the flowers in his hands, binding them together. It was a skill Nanashi took great pride in, something he had been taught long ago and was thankful he still remembered. It was part of his earliest memory. Sitting in a garden in a yard by a house he couldn't remember, on the lap of a woman he adored. His mother. She would guide his young, tiny hands along the stems. Bending and twisting the fragile flowers to bind them together in a natural halo. She would place on his head, hold him close to her. Sing a grace filled song in an angelic voice. Nanashi closed his eyes at the memory, recalling his mother's voice. It was the only piece of her he could truly remember. Still banding the flowers together, Nanashi sang in a low voice, trying to match his voice to his mother. Almost in hope that by matching his voice to hers, he may be able to see the woman's face. Nanashi continued to sing, voice growing a little stronger with each passing word. He had no idea he was being watched.

"Lovely." Trowa said, his voice breaking the rhythm of the melody. Nanashi wheeled about, blushing like mad. He held the halo he was making tightly, controlling his embarrassed trembling. Trowa walked down from the small back stoop, strolled across the grass and knelt beside him. "Please, don't stop." Nanashi said nothing. "What's wrong Nanashi?"

"Sorry, its just that I don't typically sing around other people."

"Why not?" Trowa asked. He rested his chin in his palm and smiled lovingly. "You have a beautiful voice." Nanashi blushed more. Trowa draped his arms over Nanashi's shoulders. "That's ok. You don't have to." He tickled Nanashi's neck slightly. "But it was lovely. 'Green Sleeves' wasn't it?"

"Mhm." Nanashi went back to work on the flower halo. Trowa watched him work. "My mum and my brother used to sing it to me." Nanashi's now British sounding voice had a nostalgic tinge to it.

"Oh." Trowa could hear the small bit of sadness in his voice. He tightened his hug slightly. "You miss them?"

"Yeah...a lot." Nanashi admitted. "I miss my brother more though."

"Oh? How come?" Trowa asked. He rested his head on Nanashi's shoulder and listened to him.

"I don't remember my mum. She died when I was still too little to remember her well. But my brother was around for awhile and he took good care of me." Nanashi fell silent for a moment.

"Nanashi?" Trowa called. Nanashi didn't hear him. He was remembering again.

Eight years earlier. Nanashi stood outside his school. Looking up and down the sidewalk, he waited and watched, searching for Jack. He was always waiting outside the gate for Nanashi after school. But today he was late.

Nanashi trembled slightly. Jack was never late. He was always punctual, especially when it came to picking up Nanashi. He sank down against the gate, sitting cross-legged with his books on his lap. Parents and kids came and went. Nanashi listened to their laughter and, for a moment, wished for a family like that. Hugging his knees, he imagined it. His mum, who he couldn't remember, opening her arms to him as he came out of school. His dad, someone he also didn't remember, standing beside her with a gentle smile. And Jack, grinning from ear to ear as he always did. Nanashi would love it if his family was like that. But he was content with having Jack by his side. He opened his eyes; Jack still wasn't there.

"Excuse me." Nanashi squeaked at a man walking by. He looked down at Nanashi. "Can you tell me what time it is?"

"A little after 4:00." The man said after looking at his watch.

"Oh...thank you." Nanashi said. The man nodded and continued on his way. Nanashi looked up and down the street again. "Jack where are you? It'll be dark soon. I don't know my way home..." Nanashi hugged his knees more. Jack would come soon, Nanashi knew he would. He would just have to wait.

He must have dozed off. When Nanashi lifted his head again, it was dark. The street lamps flickered over head. Nanashi stood up and looked about terrified. Jack still hadn't come and now it was night. Something must have happened to him. Nanashi started calling Jack's name, begging him to come. A couple tears dripped down his face; he had to find Jack.

"Hello Nanashi." someone's hand fell on his shoulder. Nanashi pulled away, turned to face the same men he had seen months before. The ones outside Mr. Levin's store. But there was another now. An older man, still somewhat young, perhaps in his late twenties. He grinned at Nanashi, his cerulean eyes gleaming somewhat evilly at Nanashi behind blonde bangs. He pulled Nanashi back, gripped his wrist rather painfully. "How are you Nanashi?"

"Ow! Let go!! Who are you?! Let go!!!" Nanashi yelled. Dropping all his things, he struggled to pull away. The man snickered a bit and pulled Nanashi off the ground. "Ahh!!!"

"Be quiet." he hissed. Nanashi struggled. Finally, he managed his escape. He kicked as hard as he could, connecting with the man's knee. He howled, drop Nanashi, he fled up the street. "Damn it! Get him!"

Nanashi ran as fast as he could. But he was still just a kid and those men's strides were much longer than his own. He prayed as he ran, prayed for Jack to come running up at him, defend him from his pursuers. But Jack was nowhere in sight. Nanashi ran as fast as he could, ducking down an alley. Nanashi felt someone grab him from behind. He screamed, hoping someone would hear him. A hand clamped over Nanashi's mouth, muffling his screams.

"Shut up you brat." A gruff voice snapped. Nanashi felt himself being lifted off the ground. He bit the hand as hard as he could and fell back on to the ground. "Ow!! You god damn brat!" Nanashi felt the man's hand collide with his face. He started to wail.

"Now, now. Don't get too rough with the boy." the blonde man stepped into the alley. He had a frightening grimace on his face. Nanashi moved away, scarping his knees on the ground. The man grabbed him again. Nanashi whimpered. "We still have use for him."

"Jack!!!!!!" Nanashi screamed. The man shoved something in Nanashi's mouth and tied it in place. Nanashi struggled, kicked and hit wherever he could. He end up on his stomach, feeling them tie his hands behind his back. All the while, Nanashi longed for Jack to come and help him. Large tears dripped down his face as they swung him over a shoulder. Nanashi whimpered and called for Jack again.

"Quiet now." The blonde said, ruffling Nanashi's hair roughly. "Let's get you home." He snickered and walked out of the alley. Whoever was carrying Nanashi followed him, shoving him into a dark car. Nanashi looked out the back window, still hoping to see Jack running after it as they sped away.

"Nanashi???" Trowa called again. Nanashi blinked, still feeling the bitter sting that memory always brought him. Trowa had moved him onto his lap, was hugging him tightly. "Nanashi, why are you crying?" Nanashi touched his cheek tenderly; it was covered in tears. He said nothing but rested his head against Trowa's chest, suddenly feeling very alone. "Nanashi, what's wrong?"

"...I'm sorry..." Nanashi apologized, biting back a more tears. Trowa wiped them away. "I...I was just remembering..." His voice caught in his throat.

"Remembering what, Nanashi?" Trowa asked. He kissed Nanashi gently to calm him. "You can tell me Nanashi..."

"...I was remembering...my brother Jack..." Nanashi whimpered. He clung to Trowa's sweater, eyes closed to prevent more tears from falling. "He never came to pick me up from school..." Nanashi's voice so very young in his ears. Trowa said nothing. Nanashi felt his fingers wipe more tears away. He wrapped an arm tightly about Nanashi's waist. Nanashi whimpered; he felt suddenly very warm.

"Don't cry Nanashi..." Trowa cooed. "I'm certain he just was held up..." Trowa didn't understand. Nanashi let out a soft sob. "Nanashi? Was it something I said?"

"He never showed up...I...I never saw him again..." Nanashi sobbed. His body started to shake. Nanashi buried his face in Trowa's chest, bawling. "He never came! He, he never came and got me. Even though I was screaming his name, he didn't come!! They took me away and he never came!!" Nanashi sobbed. He couldn't see Trowa's reaction. He felt Trowa rub his back, hush him gently. Nanashi gripped his sweater, quaking as he sobbed loudly.

"Nanashi..." Trowa whispered. Nanashi said nothing, just continued to cry. He felt Trowa pick him up; the unfinished halo fell off his lap. "Shh there, there Nanashi..." Trowa carried him inside. Nanashi felt the warmth of his bed underneath him. He opened his eyes, still dripping with tears, and watched Trowa close the blinds. Sitting up, he watched Trowa who moved back to his bed. "Lay down Nanashi. It'll be okay..." he pushed Nanashi back down into bed. Much like Jack had often done. "Rest, it'll make you feel better." He turned to go.

"Trowa." Nanashi gasped and gripped his sleeve. Trowa looked down at him, a faint worried smile on his face. "...Will you be here when I wake up?"

"...Of course, Nanashi. I'll never leave." Trowa whispered with a small smile. More tears dribbled down his cheeks. Nanashi rolled over onto his side and sobbed again, burying his face in the pillows. Trowa sat on the edge of the bed. He tried to get Nanashi to look at him; Nanashi buried his face further. "Nanashi? What is it? What did I say?"

"Jack..." Nanashi whimpered. Trowa seemed to understand. He ran a hand through Nanashi's hair. Absently, Nanashi's nuzzled the male's palm. "...Why did he leave me..."

"Shhh..." Trowa whispered. He sat back against the head board, moved Nanashi onto his lap. Nanashi felt suddenly calm; he nuzzled into Trowa's lap, safe and warm. Trowa bathed Nanashi's cheek with light kisses. "Sleep...rest..." Trowa's voice seemed far away. Nanashi was now so tired. Crying made him feel so very tired. His eyes closed softly, his breathing evened and his tears dried. He was lulled into a gentle sleep, massaged by Trowa's fingers in his hair and the humming of a sweet, sweet melody, one Jack had sang long ago.

* * *

_I like it. hm any notes? i don't think so...oh wait. The flower halo. Its a symbol. It symbolizes the unanswered questions and the incompleteness of Nanashi and his memory and understanding. ...It makes sense to me!!! And yes the song "GreenSleeves" is very important._


	6. Chapter 6

_I'm on a roll!! Woot!! Oh and this chapter has some Yaoi in it...but no graphics! and the OOC maybe in here._

_Nanashi: -.-_

_...what?!_

_Nanashi: I'm still mad at you...._

_............don't spoil it!!_

* * *

Chapter 6:

Trowa's eyes opened slowly. He hadn't even realized he had fallen asleep. Sunlight peeked shyly through the closed the blinds. It was morning now. Trowa sighed quietly and tried to stretched his legs. Something snaked its away about his waist, holding him still. Trowa looked down at his lap and smiled.

Nanashi slept peacefully, his chest rising and falling in a slow subtle sort of way. His tears had dried long before and it was as though yesterday had never happened. Trowa played with his hair a bit. Nanashi hugged his waist, sighed softly in his sleep. _My sweet Nanashi._ Trowa's eyes were soft as he thought about it, about yesterday. Nanashi had began bawling in the yard in the late afternoon, as the sun was starting to set. He opened his heart to him. Jack had disappeared on him years ago, apparently on the same day that those people took him. _I guess he never really accepted that before...perhaps he'll feel better now that he's cried it out._ He gently kissed Nanashi's forehead.

"Nanashi, it will be okay." Trowa whispered softly. Nanashi made a soft noise. Trowa smiled. "I will make sure that everything is okay. You don't have to worry anymore." Nanashi mumbled something in his sleep. Trowa laughed quietly. "You're so very sweet..." Trowa sighed. His stomach growled slightly. "If I'm careful, you'll still be able to sleep."

Slowly, Trowa put his hands on Nanashi's and pried the entwined fingers apart. With tender precision, he pulled Nanashi's arms from about his waist, feeling slightly mad at himself for pulling away from his thin love. Placing Nanashi's head on a pillow, he slid of the bed. He waited for a moment, checking to see he was still sleeping. Trowa was satisfied and left the bedroom, leaving the door partial opened. Hands hooked in his pockets, he went into the kitchen to fix breakfast. Unsure of what he wanted, he settled on a glass of juice, thinking about what he could make for Nanashi and himself. _What would be good to make?_

A knock on the door interrupted his musing. Trowa looked back to the bedroom door; it didn't open any further. With a relieved sigh, Trowa walked to the front door. He wondered who in the world would be calling them this early in the morning. Perhaps it was Quatre coming to check up on him. _But he said he'd come in a week. Who else could it be? _Trowa became slightly more cautious, setting his glass down as he reached for the door. He absently longed for his gun, just in the off chance that it could be one of the men who had controlled Nanashi. He turned the knob slowly, hoping he was prepared. Trowa would never be prepared for who was waiting for him.

"I should kill you." Heero snapped as he stood on the front porch. Trowa's eyes went round with shock. How the hell did Heero find him? And so soon. Trowa gripped the door knob to steady himself. Heero grimaced at him, a harsh wind whipping at the jacket he was wearing. "How could you?"

"...How could I what?" Trowa asked softly. Heero looked close to striking him. Trowa prepared himself for the oncoming assault. He stepped out onto the porch, closed the door behind him and stared at Heero, waiting.

"How could you harbor that bastard!?" Heero hissed. Trowa felt rage clamp around his heart at Heero's words. His eyes narrowed at Heero's rage but he said nothing. "Well?!"

"Why do you care?" Trowa asked in a cold voice.

"He almost killed Quatre. He tried to kill Wufei. He tried to kill Duo, damn it!"

"The operative word is 'try.' He didn't succeed." Trowa argued, suppressing his own yelling. He didn't want to wake Nanashi. Trowa leaned back against the door. "...How did you find out anyway?"

"I'm not stupid, Barton! Don't ever think I am!" Heero yelled.

"I never did." Trowa replied. Heero flung something at his chest. The black disk clinked against the wood underneath them. Trowa bent down to pick it up. Something collided with his face. He fell back against the door, surprised, fingering the blood gushing from his nose.

"You forgot your disk." Heero hissed again. Trowa shoved it in his pocket and stood, glaring at Heero. "How could you go behind my back?!"

"What?!" Trowa finally let the rage enter his voice.

"You snuck behind my back!! Damn it, you knew his face, you knew his name!! We could've ended this long before!!" Trowa said nothing, it took all his energy and strength to say nothing. "Damn it, how can you harbor him after he tried to kill us!? How can you protect him?!"

"How can I not?" Trowa asked quietly. Heero looked close to hitting him again. Trowa's eyes glared into Heero's, green battled blue, shot daggers into the "perfect" soldier's soul. "How can I not defend him?"

"He tried to kill us!!!" Heero yelled again.

"I don't care." Trowa said. Heero punched him, hard. There seemed to be something mixing with the rage in his eyes. Worry? Was that it?

"How can you not!! He's dangerous! A murderer!!" Heero snapped. Trowa stared at him.

"He is no worse than we are." Trowa snapped. The anger in Heero's eyes softened slightly then returned. "We're all killers, everyone of us. There is no difference between us and him."

"There's a big difference."

"Really!?" It was Trowa's turn to yell. "Explain it then! Explain how us killing in Gundams is any different than him killing face to face!" Heero said nothing. Trowa glowered. "You can't can you? That's because there isn't a difference."

"Doesn't excuse him from trying to kill us." Heero argued. "He's with the enemy."

"Not by choice."

"How do you know!? He could be lying to you! Hell, you could be next on his list!" Heero yelled.

"I've already considered that possibility." A lie. Trowa saw no reason to think that Nanashi would try to hurt him. "And I don't buy it. I trust him fully. I know him better than you."

"Bullshit." Heero snapped. Trowa's rage boiled over.

"Did you even look at this disk!? Do you know what they did to him!?" Heero said nothing. "They manipulated him!! They tortured him!! He was nothing but a fucking tool for them to exploit!! And you want to penalize him for something he couldn't control!! You want to hurt him, again, for not being in control of his own will!!!" Trowa snapped.

"And this time I'll finish him off." Heero growled.

Trowa hadn't even been aware of what he was doing. All he knew was that in a blind rage his fist collided with the side of Heero's head. Heero's head snapped back, he staggered slightly but Trowa no longer cared. Gripping his former friend's throat, he shoved Heero against the railing of the porch. Heero grunted painfully, but glared daggers at Trowa. The barrel of his gun was pressed under Trowa's chin. But Trowa no longer cared about that either. They stood, threatening each other's life, waiting for someone to flinch.

"...If you ever touch him again, Yuy," Trowa threatened in a voice that was very unlike his own. "I'll kill you."

"If you come between me and my mission," Heero retorted. "I'll kill you." Trowa growled at how selfish Heero sounded. And Heero growled at how foolish Trowa must have sounded. But slowly, they released one another. Heero stepped back off the porch. Trowa went back to the door. "Barton."

"What?"

"...Don't bother coming back, if you plan on defending him still." Heero snapped. Heero's back was to him. His muscles were tight and for a moment Trowa thought he saw a fissure go through the perfect soldier's spine. Trowa sighed unhappily. This wasn't how he planned on leaving them, if he had planned on leaving them.

"I didn't plan to." He paused. "Yuy?"

"Yeah?" Heero looked at him. His blue eyes were just as angry and dark as ever. But they looked, slightly hopefully for a moment.

"Don't let me catch you here...if you plan on hurting my Nanashi." Trowa sighed. He didn't hide his affection to Nanashi. Heero looked at him, his eyes slightly surprised at his admittance. But then they reverted back to that cold glare. He turned away and strode down the path.

"Whatever." Heero replied. Trowa detected a small hint of pain in Heero's good bye. Gripping his fist slightly, he pushed the door open again and went back inside, happy that the house was warm.

When he looked up from the floor, he saw Nanashi. He stood, a wool blanket draped about his delicate shoulders, watching him. There was a sadness on Nanashi's face, a pain Trowa didn't like. He wondered how much of that conversation Nanashi had heard. A little blood plopped onto the carpet. Trowa had forgotten his nose was bleeding. Nanashi went to him, putting his hand gently on Trowa's wounds. He covered it with the edge of the blanket, holding back the tears he wanted to shed.

"...He hates me." Nanashi said quietly. Trowa sighed at Nanashi's words and wrapped his arms about him. Nanashi kept his fingers in Trowa's blood.

"He doesn't have any reason to." Trowa said. Nanashi sighed.

"You're giving up so much...just to be with me...to protect me..." Nanashi said quietly. Trowa kissed his lips, careful not to get blood on Nanashi's skin.

"I'm perfectly happy to. I will give anything and everything up for you. I'll die for you." He smiled as he spoke and kissed Nanashi a little more passionately. He could feel a smile creep across Nanashi's face as they kissed. "I love you, Nanashi."

"...I love you...Trowa Barton..." Nanashi said it quietly, almost hesitantly like he was afraid to jinx it. Trowa grinned at the honesty of Nanashi's statement. He pulled Nanashi closer, Nanashi wrapped his arms about Trowa's neck. He made a small noise as Trowa bathed his neck with kisses. Trowa picked him up slightly; it still wasn't hard to do. He sat Nanashi down on the couch and started to busy himself making breakfast. Nanashi watched, leaning on the arm of the couch with a grin.

"Nanashi?" Trowa called. He looked back at him for a moment.

"Yes?" Nanashi said, resting his head on the arm rest. Trowa hesitated slightly.

"Could you tell me more about your brother?" Trowa asked. "I know it's a sensitive subject, and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But I just want to know a little more about him."  
"I guess so..." Nanashi said after a moment of silence. He sat up straight and rested his hands in his lap. "His name was Jack. He was...I guess nine years older than me. We lived together on the Colony for a while, just the two of us."

"I think you mentioned that. Your mom died..."

"Uh huh. When I was one or two I think Jack told me."

"And your father?" Trowa asked. Nanashi sighed a little.

"I don't know him at all. He was gone shortly after mum died. So I don't have any recollection of him." He sounded sad as he spoke. "But I didn't mind. I had Jack."

"What was he like?" Trowa asked. He sat on the counter while the meal cooked, interested.

"He was tall, with bright blue eyes and auburn hair. I think he took mostly after my mum. He was very friendly and kind, especially to me. And he had this infectious smile and this gentle aura about him." As Nanashi spoke, Trowa recalled something in the back of his memory. The look of the John Doe in the hospital. "He would sing to me, he had such a nice voice. And he always sang 'Green Sleeves' to me when I asked. We both loved that song very much." _"He loves it so."_ the nurse's words played in his head. Trowa's eyes closed, thinking suddenly, the gears in his mind spinning at a dizzying rate as he pieced tiny bits and pieces together. Nanashi was still talking but Trowa was only hear small portions of it. It was like putting together a puzzle. His eyes opened finally.

"Nanashi." Trowa interrupted. Nanashi looked at him; there was a small smile on his face, a nostalgic smile. Trowa wondered what the last thing Nanashi said was. "How long ago..." The smile faded only slightly.

"Eight years..." Nanashi sighed. More words surfaced. _"He's been in a coma for eight years."_

"Eight years." Trowa repeated. "And you never knew what happened to him?"

"No." Nanashi answered. He set his chin in his hands and sighed some more. _"No. He was just dropped off here." "We don't know his name or his age. Or where he comes from or what happened to him. So we all just call him John Doe." "Yes...he's never woken up." _The John Doe. Trowa hopped off the counter, turned off the stove but left the food there. He sat beside Nanashi. "Trowa?"

"...I think I have something to show you." Trowa said softly.

"Something to show me?" Nanashi's eyes were a little rounder than usual. "What is it?"

"I'm not exactly sure." Trowa admitted. He kissed his cheek. "Get your shoes."

Nanashi obeyed, looking back at him slightly curious. Trowa pulled on his own shoes and grabbed his sweater. He studied it for a moment before handing it to Nanashi. It was big on him, somewhat comical to see. Trowa smiled at him and donned a jacket that had been in the duffle bag Quatre had brought. He ushered Nanashi outside, locking the door behind them. Nanashi waited on the porch, wrapping his arms around himself in the cool air. The leaves were changing, gliding on the autumn breeze. He followed Trowa down the steps, got behind him on his bike. Trowa didn't have to tell him, Nanashi's arms simply locked around his waist. Smiling, Trowa revved the engine and sped off.

It was a fairly long ride. Thirty minutes to the town and another fifteen to the hospital. Nanashi rested his head on Trowa's back, hiding his face from the biting wind. Trowa did his best not to speed, but he was anxious now. He wanted to know if what he was thinking was true. Was it possible? Stranger things had happened. And it just seemed to be too big of a coincidence. Pulling into the parking lot, he killed the ignition and looked back at Nanashi. He slid of the bike, looking at Trowa with a confused look. Draping an arm around Nanashi's shoulder, he guided Nanashi into the hospital, ignoring the look of the nurse at the table as they took the stairs to the third floor.

"Trowa, come on. Tell me why we're here." Nanashi said, leaning slightly against his shoulder. "Please?"

"I'll show you." Trowa said with a faint smile. He looked at the numbers on the doors. 311. That was the room they were looking for, the room of the John Doe. It was completely possible. That the John Doe and Jack could be the same. It was all too coincidental. _But I hope it is him. I'm not sure how Nanashi may react if I tell him its his brother and its really not. I want Nanashi to be happy._ His hand fell on the door handle to the John Doe's room. Trowa hoped silently to be right, gave Nanashi a reassuring smile. He opened the door and let Nanashi go in first.

There were only slight differences from the last time Trowa had come to this room. One difference was the flowers on the table. They were wilted, drying petals falling and slipping on the table as the flowers slowly died. Darkened cloud loomed over head. Trowa looked to the John Doe. He seemed far paler than the last time. His breathe was raspy and short. Trowa wondered if perhaps his body was finally giving up on him. He noticed it then, Nanashi's hand clamped about his own.

He had backed into him without Trowa even realizing it. Using Trowa's hand and strength to steady his own weak knees. Nanashi's eyes were round, he covered his lips with his hand. Trowa put an arm around him to support him. Nanashi's entire body was shaking. He made small noises, like whimpers, as he looked at the John Doe lying in bed. _Shit. This was a bad idea. God look at him, he's shaking like a leaf. I shouldn't have brought him. Man, what have I done. _Trowa looked down at Nanashi. A few tears slipped from Nanashi's eyes.

"Nanashi...I..." Trowa didn't get a chance to finish his sentence.

"Jack...you're alive." Nanashi whispered. There was a vague happiness in his voice that Trowa had only heard before when he told him that he loved him. The sound of true happiness. He pulled away from Trowa, walked softly to the bed and looked down at him. "Jack." Sinking onto his knees, he laid his head on the bed, watching his brother sleep. Nanashi's hand gently cupped Jack's. Trowa thought he saw more tears. Nanashi sobbed softly, buried his face in the sheet. "Jack...where were you..." Nanashi asked. Trowa looked down at the gleaming floor, wondering still whether or not this had been a wise idea.

"...L...Little one..." The voice was weak, tired and raspy. Trowa looked up from the floor. A hand was shakily running its fingers over Nanashi's hair. Nanashi's head had snapped up; large tears seeping from his eyes. "I'm...so...ver...very sorry..."

"Jack?" Nanashi gasped. Jack had a very weak smile on his face. _Jack..._

"Ho...how have you...been...Little one?" Jack asked. _Little one. That must be his pet name for him. Its cute._ Nanashi sobbed a little more. "What...is it...Little one?"

"Where did you go?" Nanashi wept. Jack's tired eyes watched him. Trowa leaned back against the wall, watching and waiting. "Why..." Nanashi's voice broke. Jack's weak fingers wiped a couple tears away.

"I'm so...sorry Nanashi...I didn't mean to..." Jack sighed. Trowa could see the small shiver of pain course through him. "I know that...doesn't excuse it..."

"What happened..." Nanashi asked.

"...I'm sorry Nanashi..." Jack whimpered. "...I don't...remember..." Nanashi rested his head on the bed again. "Please...say something..."

"...I missed you..." Nanashi sighed. Jack's fingers skated over his hair. Nanashi sighed.

"I missed...you, Little one..." Jack said. His voice seemed to be getting slightly weaker. His eyes, those blue gleaming eyes, locked onto Trowa's. He watched him for a moment, read him. Trowa felt the muscles in his back tighten as he fell victim to that searching stare. "...And who is this...Little one?" Nanashi looked back at Trowa; he's smile suddenly became so bright. He leaned in, whispered softly in Jack's ear. The smile was followed with a faint flush. Jack chuckled a bit. "I see..."

"Mhm." Nanashi nodded happily. His cheeks were so much drier. Jack ruffled his hair slightly.

"You haven't changed...a bit Little one..." Jack sighed. "You're still...so very cute." _Heh, yeah he is._ Jack's eyes fell on Trowa again. "I don't...suppose I have to tell you...to take good care of my...Little one..."

"No, you don't." Trowa answered. He smiled vaguely. "I was planning on it anyway."

"Heh...I like him..." Jack laughed, coughing slightly. "But its...more important...that you do..."

"And I do." Nanashi said. He looked back at Trowa, excitement and happiness in his face and voice. "I really do." Trowa felt a small flush rise in his face and he grinned pleasantly. He looked back at Jack. "How long have you been here?"

"Eight years." Trowa answered. Jack and Nanashi looked at him. "The uh nurse told me so."

"...So you've been here since then..." Nanashi sighed. Jack watched him, somewhat sad. Nanashi smiled faintly at him. "But that's not your fault."

"You are...far too forgiving...Nanashi..." Jack joked weakly. He put a hand on the side of his face. "Such a sweet...little angel, my...Little one..." Suddenly, Nanashi's eyes flickered with guilt. He stared down at his hands, clenched them. A sigh escaped Trowa's lips as he watched. Jack was confused. "Little one...Nanashi....what's wrong?"

"....I'm not an angel. I don't deserve to be forgiving. Or to be forgiven..." Nanashi whispered. Jack stared at him. He gaze went from him to Trowa, questioning. Trowa's eyes fell to the floor again, listening sadly to Nanashi's disheartened words. "Not after all I did..."

"Nanashi...what do you mean..." Jack asked. Nanashi looked up at him. A single tear fell from his eyes. And he began his confession.

Nanashi spoke for hours, recalling everything with excruciating detail. Many times, Trowa resisted the urge to scream a curse or vomit. At one point, he had to excuse himself to run to the restroom when he could no longer hold the bile down. Trowa returned, only to find Nanashi still reminiscing. He sat outside sometimes, holding his head. It was a little easier. He could only hear the words, not see the look of pain and torment on Nanashi's face as he spoke. Trowa was very thankful at one point that he was sitting outside. Nanashi mentioned something about molestation and rape, his molestation and rape. Trowa didn't want to see the look on Nanashi's face when he said that; he knew how heartbroken and pained it would be. Trowa growled softly, furious at those people even more. Nanashi suddenly fell silent. Trowa pushed aside his anger; he could hear Nanashi's soft cries. Rising slowly, Trowa stepped back into the room.

Jack had said nothing the entire time. He merely lay, listening intently to his little brother's confession. Trowa tried to read his expression. It was a strange mixture, an anomalous concoction of rage, fear, misery, and guilt. Nanashi's face was buried in the sheets again, weeping. Jack and Trowa watched, silent. Trowa wished he could think of something to say to ease Nanashi's pain but he couldn't. He simply went to him, hugged him from behind. Trowa felt him shudder and gripped him tighter, trying to comfort him. His efforts felt futile.

"Nanashi..." Jack whispered, breaking the silence. Nanashi sobbed loudly. With a shaking hand, Jack lifted his little brother's face. Wiping away a tear, he hushed him. "Do not cry...Nanashi..." Nanashi looked at him sadly. "Please..."

"...But...But I hurt...so many..." Nanashi whimpered. Trowa rested his chin on Nanashi's shoulder. "I'm covered...with so much blood..." Jack smiled vaguely.

"I...don't blame you...entirely, Little one..." Jack said softly. Nanashi's cries quieted. "...Manipulation...is what they...do best..."

"...I can't forgive myself...I just can't..." Nanashi whispered. His hands clutched Trowa's. Nanashi was speaking to them both. "I'll never forgive myself."

"...I didn't expect...you to, Nanashi...It's not...in your character...to forgive yourself... that easily..." Jack sighed. He sounded slightly disappointed. He cupped Nanashi's face. "Just understand...that I don't blame you..." Jack's eyes fell on Trowa's again. Trowa's embrace tightened slightly, trying to tell Nanashi that he didn't care either.

"I don't understand how people can forgive me." Nanashi sighed.

"...Some people...are just understanding...like that..." Jack replied. Nanashi looked from him to Trowa. Trowa smiled faintly at him. Jack's words reminded him of his own and Nanashi had noticed. Nanashi left a tender kiss on Trowa's lips. Jack smiled faintly. Trowa watched him. He saw something flicker behind Jack's eyes. Something cold and unavoidable. They conversed in silence for a moment, Trowa and Jack. _...You're dying, aren't you?_, Trowa's eyes asked. Jack's closed for a moment and he sighed. _...I thought so..._

"Jack?" Nanashi asked, trying to make his voice sound happy. "Are you alright?"

"I'm...very tired...Little one..." Jack sighed painfully. Nanashi smiled at him.

"Then sleep, I can come back to visit you later." Nanashi said. He was not aware of it. Jack's eyes opened; a flicker of sadness was visible to Trowa. He shook his head slightly.

"There...will be time...for sleep later..." Jack smiled weakly again. Trowa felt a small tinge a guilt. Nanashi was oblivious to the inevitable. Trowa prepared himself to comfort when it finally happened. "What...is with the smile...Little one?"

"Nothing." Nanashi said. Jack smirked slightly.

"Come now...Nanashi..."

"...Sing it? Please?" Nanashi begged. Jack laughed softly. There was more of a rasp to it now. _Soon,_ Trowa sighed in his head. "Please? I've wanted to hear you sing it forever."

"I...don't think...I can Little one..." Jack admitted. He grinned slightly. "I...have a better idea..." Nanashi listened expectantly. "You sing...this time..."

"I can't." Nanashi insisted, shaking his head. "I'm not as good as you." Trowa snickered slightly. He was being too now...just once...I always sang for you...your turn, Little one..." Jack laughed. Nanashi's eyes smiled at his brother, caving to his older brother's request. He leaned back slightly in Trowa's arms, knowing that Trowa had wanted to hear him sing as well.

"Ok. But you better not laugh." Nanashi said.

"Wouldn't...dream of it..." Jack sighed. Nanashi breathed deeply for a moment, fighting the embarrassed blush in his face. He sang finally, starting out softly but gaining confidence with each bar.

"_Alas my love you do me wrong  
To cast me out discourteously;  
When I have loved you so so long  
Delighting in your company.  
  
Your gown was of the grassy green  
Your sleeves of satin were hanging by  
Which made you be a harvest queen  
Yet you would not love me"_

Nanashi didn't notice, as he sang in a tender voice, a gentle tenor that sounded like heaven to Trowa's ears. He didn't notice Jack's hand on his head. Or the quiet look in his eyes. Nanashi was enthralled by the melody rolling off his tongue. Trowa watched, sadness engulfing his face as Jack's eyes closed. He mumbled something, a soft good bye that Nanashi couldn't hear, before his breathing slowed then stopped.

"_Green sleeves was my all my joy  
Green sleeves was my delight,  
Green sleeves was my heart of gold  
And who but my lady green sleeves.  
  
Alas my love you do me wrong  
To cast me out discourteously;  
When I have loved you so so long  
Delighting in your company."_

Nanashi stopped, letting the final note echo in his own ears. Trowa's arms remained locked about his waist. He waited for Nanashi's eyes to open, for him to realize what had transpired in those few moments of song. He dreaded that moment. That moment when Nanashi would know that his brother was dead. Nanashi's eyes opened. He kissed Trowa tenderly. Trowa didn't return it right away.

"So what did you think?" Nanashi asked him. Trowa smiled faintly and rested his head on his shoulder again. Nanashi turned back to Jack. "What about you...Jack?" His voice faded. Trowa's eyes closed. He could feel one of Nanashi's hands leave his own, he heard the sound of a sheet shifting at his touch. "J...Jack?" Nanashi called again. _Oh Nanashi..._ He could hear a soft sob come from Nanashi. Trowa opened his eyes. Nanashi's hand was on his brother's peaceful face. "Oh God Jack!"

"I'm sorry Nanashi..." Trowa sighed. It sounded stupid to apologize for this. Nanashi let Trowa pull him back into his arms. Nanashi wept. "...He seemed happy, Nanashi..." Nanashi looked at him, his large eyes glistening. Trowa kissed his forehead. "He seemed happy...to see you and to hear you again...before he died..." Nanashi nodded slowly. He wrapped his arms around Trowa's neck and sat in his lap. "Nanashi?"

"Yes..." He sounded very frightened.

"...He said he loved the sound of your voice..." Trowa sighed, recalling the faint words Jack had uttered. Nanashi looked up at him. Trowa kissed him again. "And he said he'd miss you..." Nanashi said nothing at this. For a moment, Trowa thought he had hurt him, by brining him here and then by telling him the words he had not heard himself. Trowa sighed painfully, regretting what he had just said.

"Thank you..." Nanashi said, head resting on Trowa's chest. Trowa looked down at him.

"For what?" Trowa asked. Nanashi smiled up at him, a couple tears still in his eyes.

"For bringing me here...to see him again..." Nanashi kissed him, drawing him into a very passionate and grateful kiss. He whispered in his ear when he broke it. "I can never fully repay you...for all the happiness you keep bringing me." Trowa's smile brightened. He nuzzled against Nanashi, receiving a soft sound from him.

"There is no reason for you to..." Trowa told him. Nanashi smiled and stood. Trowa stood as well. Nanashi sat on the bed beside his brother for a moment. He kissed Jack's cooling forehead softly and embraced him, resting his head on the man's shoulder.

"I love you too, Jack...I'll miss you too...Good bye..." Nanashi sighed. Another tear dripped but he wiped it away. Nanashi got up and went to the wilting flowers. He studied them; Trowa looked down at Jack. _Jack...thank you, for listening. _He closed his eyes. _I will take good care of Nanashi, of your Little one. I won't let them hurt him ever again. I love him too much to let them near him again._ His eyes opened slowly.

"...Good bye Jack..." Trowa whispered. He crossed over to Nanashi, who busied himself cleaning up the flowers. He looked up at Trowa.

"...Can we go home...please?" He asked somewhat sadly.

"Only if you want to." Trowa said. Nanashi nodded, putting the wilted flowers in the wastebasket with care. With one finally look to Jack, Trowa scooped Nanashi into his arms. He carried him out of the room; Nanashi looked over his shoulder once to bid Jack another farewell, then rested his head against Trowa's chest. They passed the nurse, the same one who had taken care of the former John Doe, as she made her way to the room. Trowa could hear her gasps and stopped. Nanashi jumped out of his arms and went back to her. Trowa watched the silent conversation. Eventually, the woman put her arms around Nanashi's shoulders, hugged him. Trowa saw the visible shiver in Nanashi's spine but he relaxed and finally hugged her back. He heard the word "funeral" but Nanashi shook his head.

"All I want...is to know where he's buried..." Nanashi said as he made his way back to Trowa. "Jack said before...he never wanted to see me go to a funeral...so I won't. I don't want to...disappoint him." The nurse called after him.

"He was a very sweet man." She told him. Nanashi looked back at her.

"Yes...he was..." Nanashi ran to Trowa's arms. Trowa hugged him. He looked at the nurse, who smiled faintly at him. Trowa smiled faintly back and picked Nanashi up again. After a short nod to her, he turned and headed out of the hospital, listening to Nanashi cry quietly to himself.

It was a long ride home, much longer than Trowa had expected. He had completely forgotten about their meals. And now it was close to dark. _I'll make him something good when we get home._ He could feel Nanashi's arms tighten around him every so often. Trowa sped a little, to get him out of the cold and the darkness. He heard Nanashi sigh, which pleased him since he had been hearing Nanashi cry for awhile. He pulled into the driveway, killed the engine and looked at him. Nanashi smiled at him. Trowa walked with his arm about Nanashi into the house where Nanashi went into his room and Trowa went to fix him dinner.

"Nanashi?" He called through the door about an hour later. He balanced a tray and waited patiently for Nanashi's response. "Are you awake?"

"Uh huh. You can come in." Nanashi answered. Trowa opened the door and smiled at him. Nanashi sat crossed legged on the bed. He was rubbing his bare wrists; he had finally removed the bandages. Trowa set the tray on the bed.

"Feeling better?" Trowa asked, looking at the tear stains on his love's cheeks. Nanashi nodded.

"A little..." He wiped his eyes. "Its gonna be hard...I know it is."

"I guess it would be." Trowa sighed and sat beside him. He held his shoulders, massaged them for a moment. "But I'll be here whenever you need me." Nanashi nuzzled his neck. Trowa felt a blush rise in his cheeks.

"Thank you." Nanashi sighed. Trowa handed him a plate and took one for himself. They ate on his bed. About halfway through the meal, Nanashi looked up at him questioningly. "Trowa?"

"Yes?"

"What do you mean 'you guess it would be?'" Nanashi asked. Trowa set the plate down for a moment.

"...I really don't know what it would be like to lose a piece of my family. I don't remember much of my family. I have Catherine, my sister. But I don't get to see her often. I really don't know what you must be going through." _Though I have a vague idea,_ Trowa thought as he remember the pain in his heart when he thought Nanashi was dead. Nanashi watched him sadly. He put his plate down as well and crawled over to him, draping his arms around him and kissing him. Trowa smiled a bit. "You don't have to feel sad for me."

"I do anyway. I'd hate not remembering anything about my family..." Nanashi said. Trowa shrugged at his words.

"I don't know. I have you to fill that void now." Trowa said, grinning at him. Nanashi smiled brightly. He sat on his lap, legs around his waist. Suddenly, Trowa's skin felt very warm. He normally felt warm around Nanashi but this was different. It was almost overpowering.

Nanashi felt it too. The kiss they shared felt like a fire, an inferno that burned its way down through their bodies and souls. Trowa pressed his hands against Nanashi's back, pressing him up against his chest. He earned a small moan from Nanashi; the noise excited him. Trowa's face blushed more as he pushed his tongue past Nanashi's parted lips and tasted the sweetness of him. He tasted so very wonderful.

Something fell from the bed but Trowa and Nanashi paid it no mind. They continued to kiss. Nanashi's fingers tangled themselves in Trowa's hair and one of his hands ran up his back. Trowa shuddered pleasurably and ran his own hand along Nanashi chest, sliding his hand along the thin male. Nanashi made more noises.

"Trowa..." Nanashi whispered panting slightly. Trowa nibbled his ear tenderly, listening to him.

"Yes Nanashi..." He asked. Nanashi looked at him lovingly before pushing himself down, pulling Trowa on top of him. The move surprised Trowa slightly.

"Be mine..." Nanashi begged. Trowa smiled at him and started pulling Nanashi's shirt off over his head.

"Of course, Nanashi. I always will." Trowa whispered lovingly, flicking off the light on the bedside table and bathing them in darkness.

* * *

Nanashi woke. It was still night. The full moon smiled down at him from the open window. He looked about, wondering what had woken him. He noticed then, the arms still holding him close. Nanashi smiled at his sleeping lover, mused at how the moonlight played wonderfully with his gentle features. He sighed happily, feeling so wanted and loved. Nothing else mattered, not even what they had done to him. Trowa was in love with him and Nanashi was in love with Trowa. _That is all that matters. I love him Jack, I love him so much._

Nanashi's eyes went sad as he remembered his now dead brother. But he had seen Jack again, one last time. Trowa had given him that gift, that last reunion. Even with Jack now with his mother and though he knew was not going to see him for a long time, Nanashi still felt happy. Yes, he would miss him terribly, that was a certainty. But it wouldn't be so bad now. Trowa was beside him to help him through it. _I'm glad you like him Jack. I thought you would. He reminds me of you sometimes. Do you mind if I let him call me "Little one" too?_

_"You make me sick."_

_Go to hell. I don't care about you anymore._ Nanashi hissed at the voice. He nuzzled closer to Trowa. Trowa made a small noise. His arms held him closer, Nanashi could hear his heart through his bare chest. Nanashi smiled and tried to sleep again. _Why did I wake up anyway?_

He remembered finally. Nanashi was shivering. It was freezing cold. Nanashi bite his lower lip, trying to stop shivering. They were covered with a warm blanket and he was still freezing cold. Nanashi watched Trowa; he shivered slightly too. With a pair of soft eyes, he reluctantly pulled away from his older lover. Trowa felt the absent presence. His eyes opened softly. Nanashi had his back to him, pulling his pants onto his bare body.

"Nanashi?" Trowa yawned. Nanashi looked back at him. Trowa propped himself up. "Why are you up? A nightmare?" He asked, running a hand over Nanashi's face. _You know me well Trowa._

"No, not this time." Nanashi replied. Trowa smiled at that. "Its just so cold. I wanted to go turn on the heat." Trowa shivered slightly then.

"I'll do it." Trowa said and started to get up. Nanashi frowned and pushed him back against the pillows.

"No I can do it. Go back to sleep. I'll come back soon." Nanashi said. Trowa pulled him down for a long kiss. Nanashi grinned at it.

"You better, Nanashi. I don't want to be here without you." Trowa cooed in his ear, laughing sweetly. Nanashi smiled more. He gave Trowa a reassuring, rather passionate kiss.

"I plan to." Nanashi whispered. He ran a hand along Trowa's cheek. "I've grown accustomed to falling asleep with you." Trowa laughed softly. Nanashi pulled away, watching Trowa reluctantly close his eyes. Nanashi wrapped his arms about himself and left the bedroom, living the door a jar. He walked through the dark house to the thermostat and checked it. _15 degrees???? How the hell did it get that low?! Jesus, we're gonna catch pneumonia. _Nanashi fixed it quickly, feeling the warmth slowly creep back into the house. He was about to turn away when he noticed it. The front door. It was open, just slightly. Nanashi's eyebrow arched and he closed it softly, wondering if they had forgotten to close it earlier.

He was still cold. That annoyed him slightly. He wanted to be warm, warm with Trowa to be more precise. Nanashi crossed to the kitchen and got out two glasses. _Some warm water will do. Trowa might like a glass._ Nanashi poured them both a glass. Taking a glass in each hand, he sipped one, relishing the warmth as it swam down his throat. He smiled and turned to go back to the room, to go back to his lover.

"Hello Angra Mainyu." the blonde officer said, smirking as he sat in the dark living room. Nanashi's back stiffened, the glasses shattered against the floor. "Long time no see."

"N-No...it can't..." Nanashi whimpered. He backed up into the counter. This couldn't be happening. He couldn't be sitting in his living room, glaring at him. Nanashi trembled.

"How long did you expect to hide from me, Angra Mainyu." The blonde snapped. He moved faster, faster than Nanashi had expected. His hands clamped around Nanashi's throat. Nanashi gasped. The grip tightened. "You're in a lot of trouble, Angra Mainyu."

"N...Nanashi..." Nanashi gasped painfully.

He hadn't expected it. The blonde's knee slammed into Nanashi's stomach. The little breath he had in his longs escaped. His head swam in the oncoming unnatural darkness. Nanashi felt himself being thrust into the counter. His back screamed in agony. A small cry escaped him. The man's hand collided with his face. Nanashi managed a scream.

"Trowa!!!!!" He shrieked. The man growled at him and threw him down. Nanashi hadn't even had to scream. By the time he had hit the floor, Trowa was already there, in his jeans once again. Anger contorted his features as he lunged at the man, fist connecting with the officer's face.

"You touch him again and you die!" Trowa yelled. Nanashi pulled himself up a bit. The voice in the back of his sneered at him

_"I told you this would happen. But did you listen to me? No, now Trowa's blood will be on your hands."_

_No! Trowa said he wouldn't let them take me away!!!_

_"And Jack said he'd never leave. And we know how that turned out."_

_Shut up, shut up, shut up!!!!_ Nanashi held his head, trying to block out the guilt. Trowa had forced the officer further back. He returned to Nanashi then. Trowa's arms wrapped around him, held him close for comfort. Nanashi looked at him; Trowa smiled at him reassuringly before fixating his gaze on the bleeding officer._  
_"I won't say it again!" Trowa snapped. Nanashi apparently missed the conversation Trowa had snapped at the officer earlier. "Get out!"

"Angra Mainyu belongs to me." The officer snapped back. Trowa's fingers encircled Nanashi's waist, holding him close. They hurt slightly but that was only because Trowa was angry at the idea of someone taking him.

"He doesn't belong to anyone!" Trowa yelled. "And he's name is Nanashi!!" Nanashi watched the officer's reaction. There was a look of vague shock on his face. But that converted back to fury. Nanashi saw it, two sides of his vision. A gun in the officer's hand and another from behind. The front door. Nanashi couldn't tell if Trowa had noticed the second but he sure as hell noticed the first. Eyes narrowed, he felt a small tinge of rage, something Nanashi had been repressing for a while. He pulled out of Trowa's grip a bit.

Nanashi separated them, forcing Trowa away and himself back before the second gun went off. It passed between them. Nanashi couldn't figure out where the bullet eventually ended up but it wasn't in one of them. Trowa's face was slightly surprised. He got up and tried to keep his gaze on all the threats around. Nanashi slid himself back into the kitchen. _I have to find something..._ He rummaged through a draw. He could feel the handles of the kitchen knives. Nanashi grasped one, studied it. For a moment, he debated with himself. Trowa was a strong opponent but how strong could one be against a bullet in the back. With eyes closed, Nanashi picked up another. _To protect him, I'll kill them all._

Nanashi was up. The knives weren't made for throwing but they did fairly well. It was out of his hand before anyone realized it. Nanashi's eyes closed as it sailed, unwilling to watch it pierce the soldier at the door. He heard that thud, suppressed the urge to throw up and growled, trying to fool them into thinking he was no longer afraid.

_"Good luck with that. The fear's painted all over your face."_ the voice sneered again. Nanashi cursed it. He didn't have the patience to deal with it.

Another came at the door. Nanashi focused on him. A gun went off; Nanashi ducked. Something thudded to the floor. A piece of his heart screamed in loving terror.

_"Heh, told you so."_ Nanashi's eyes dared to look. Trowa was sprawled on the floor. His eyes were closed, blood seeping into the carpet underneath him. The knife chinked to the floor. A spasm went through Nanashi's entire body. _"Gee Nanashi, what's with the face."_

_Trowa!!!!!_

_"Told you so, you piece of shit. You should've killed yourself when you had the chance. Now he's dying and there's nothing you can do about it."_

"Trowa!!!" Nanashi cried. He ran to him. Or tried to. Hands clamped around his waist and pulled him back. Nanashi struggled, clawed to get free. "Trowa no!!!! Trowa!!!" A hand clamped about his mouth. Nanashi bit it hard. Whoever had him cursed and threw him down. Nanashi head banged against the wall. He fought back against the hands that bound his wrists together again. "No!!! Let me go!!! Trowa!!!! No, no, no!!!! Let go!!! Trowa!!!! Let me go, I have to get to Trowa!!!" Nanashi sobbed. His head was pulled back. Nanashi felt the gag being tied about his head. He kicked as best he could. _TROWA!!!!!_

"Quiet yourself, Angra Mainyu." The officer snapped. Nanashi glared up at him. He wanted to hurt him so badly. He bucked, trying to get himself undone. The hand clamped around his throat again. "Be still."

_I hate you!!! I hate you so fucking much!!! I'll never forgive you for any of this!!! God, I'll kill you!!! I swear I will!!!!_

_"But Nanashi, I thought you said you'd never kill again."_ The voice laughed. _"You already took one soldier's life. Its just a never-ending spiral of death for you." _Nanashi remembered his own silent vow. The vow he uttered in the back of his head when he ran away. He had already broken it. A never-ending spiral of death. _"That's right Nanashi. See how weak you really are? You broke your own vow. You'll never be able to wean yourself from death. Its just who you are now."_

_God I hate you all!!_

_"Heh I know you do."_ Nanashi looked to Trowa. He was so still, he couldn't tell if Trowa was still breathing or not. The officer drew his gaze back.

"See? This is what happens when you disobey." the officer growled. Something slammed into the side of Nanashi's face. White fire flared in front of his eyes. "People get very hurt." Nanashi mumbled under the gag. _Why!? Why, why, why!? Why can't you just leave me alone!!! I don't want to go back!! God, Trowa I don't want to go away!!!!_ Nanashi tried to get to Trowa again, to warm him, to stop the blood. His body exploded with pain. "Come along Angra Mainyu." Nanashi felt himself being dragged away. Tears rained down. _No!!! Trowa!!! Let me stay!!! Let me stay with him please!!! Trowa!!!!!!!!_ Nanashi was still screaming in his head, begging for release as they forced him into that dark car again. He gazed out the back window, longing to go back. Longing to see Trowa standing on the porch, alive, as they sped away. _TROWA!!!!!_

* * *

_Again, I don't own Heero or Trowa_

_Trowa and Nanashi: ..._

_What?!_

_Trowa: how could you!?_

_Nanashi: if he dies, I'll hurt you!!_

_I am not giving away the story!!! so sit down and be quiet! Sorry bout that' RR please_


	7. Chapter 7

_I proclaim the right of artistic and creative licenses!! waves around a paper see!! see!!_

_Nanashi: yein, Creative License is an idea, not an actual piece of paper..._

_...its a joke!!! _

_Nanahsi: oh...um oh yeah, Yein doesn't own GW or lyrics, she just owns me_

_oh and more OOC in this_

* * *

Chapter 7: Numb

It felt like floating, drifting, across an endless empty sea. There was no sky above, no sun. No moon, no stars. No wind, no waves. Trowa couldn't move his head. He couldn't raise his hands, he couldn't speak. He floated along, unaware of anything around him except the oceanic void. His eyes searched for something, anything that could tell him where he was or what was going on.

_Where am I?_ Trowa's thoughts echoed off invisible walls. He closed his eyes, wondering. _How did I get here?_ His eyes closed, trying to remember. _Nanashi. That's it...The house. Nanashi and I were in bed, asleep..._ Trowa recalled the moments before. Recalled how frail Nanashi looked and yet how wonderful. The closet creature to an angel that Trowa had ever seen. He had looked so open, so accepting, so loving. Trowa sighed at the thought of it, at the way he looked that night. _Nanashi, my sweet Nanashi. Where are you?_

Trowa remembered. The men from C.R.Y.P.T. They had shown up at the house in the middle of the night. They had come to take Nanashi away. Trowa longed to clench his fist in anger but there was no feeling in his limbs. _That officer. That blonde bastard. God, if he touches Nanashi._ Trowa stopped thinking. If Trowa was here, floating in the darkness, unable to move or speak, then where was Nanashi. _If I'm here than there's no one there to save him. Shit, Nanashi!!_ Trowa desperately tried to move. He started to sink. _Nanashi!!!_

"No!!! Let me go!!! Trowa!!!! No, no, no!!!! Let go!!! Trowa!!!! Let me go, I have to get to Trowa!!!" Nanashi's voice sounded so very far away. Closing his eyes, Trowa cursed himself and them. _Damn it!! Nanashi, please hang on. I'll come for you I swear. As soon as I get out of here I'll come for you._

"Quiet yourself, Angra Mainyu. Be still." The blonde officer smirked, the voice distorting from above him. Trowa growled. He wanted to free himself, just to get a chance to pull Nanashi away from them. "See? This is what happens when you disobey. People get very hurt." _What? What the hell does he mean by that??? _"Come along Angra Mainyu." _No wait!! Don't take him!! Let him go!!_ Far away, he heard muffled shouts and a body being dragged across the floor. _Nanashi!!!!! Damn it!! I have to get out of here!!_

Trowa's body sank further. He felt himself slipping away under the water. But it wasn't water. His surroundings were warm, sticky. A distinct metallic scent invaded his senses. _Blood?_ Trowa's eyes opened once again. He looked above him. A red cloud swirled above him. _Where did that..._ For a moment, his fingers moved. They fingered his chest on their own. Trowa became entranced by the blood on his fingers tips. He was bleeding. Trowa couldn't remember where the blood had come from. _Why? Why am I bleeding? Am...Am I..._

Almost to answer his own frightened question, his back hit something solid. Like a floor. But there was still black underneath him and red wisps up above him. Trowa's fingers felt the ground beneath him, felt the blood seeping from his chest. There was a small hole, between his ribs. Trowa fingered it, dipping his own hand into the wound. He held that tiny piece of metal before his eyes. _A bullet? How did that get there...Why can't I remember? What's going on?_

_"Trowa."_ A familiar voice called out to him. Trowa's head turned to the side. Nanashi stood in the distant. There was a vague, happy smile on his face. Something dripped down from his eyes. But he was so far away that Trowa couldn't tell what it was. Nanashi laughed quietly. It was a strange, echoing sound. _"Trowa."_

_Nanashi..._Trowa found his strength. He pushed himself onto his knees and stood. It was as if he had never been frozen at all. He watched Nanashi for a moment. There was a strange glow coming from behind him. Nanashi still smiled that vague quiet smile. Trowa smiled back. _Coming._

He walked slowly. The sound of his own footsteps seemed strange, like he was walking away from himself. A bloody trail followed his feet, as though he wanted to be sure he knew his way back. _But back to what? Nanashi is here. So this is where I have to be. _There seemed to be something wrong with that statement but he dismissed it. Nanashi's eyes glowed a little. He was only a little closer than he had been before.

_"Hurry up Trowa." _Nanashi's mouth moved slowly. The words didn't match his lips. Trowa's steps faltered slightly. _"I don't want to leave you behind."_

_I'm coming Nanashi._ Trowa walked a little faster. He wanted to be beside Nanashi. He was safe now and Trowa wanted nothing more than to take the young man in his arms. Something pulled at him a bit. Something was telling him to go back. _Why? Nanashi is safe..._

_"Heh, what's taking so long?" _Nanashi asked. He held out a single hand. It seemed paler; Trowa could almost see the black through Nanashi's skin. That worried Trowa but only slightly. Nanashi's hand was within his reach. Soon they would be together again. And this time nothing would pry them apart, Trowa would make sure of that. All he had to do was taking Nanashi's hand. Such a simple gesture. All he had to do was reach out his hand and...

Trowa pulled back. Hands gripped him from behind, pulled his fingers out of reach. Familiar hands. Trowa looked back to Nanashi, a small tinge of worry on his face. Nanashi's face went slack. The hand fell to his side, cracked slightly as though it were nothing but fine glass. Those green and gray eyes of his faded into nothingness, replaced by empty sockets. The body fell. A look of death and anguish replaced his tender features. Time sped up. Trowa watched helpless as Nanashi's body slowly decayed, fading into nothing but the fine dust his body would become after thousands of years. Trowa wanted to be sick. He wanted to rush back but the hands pulled him further away. Trowa wished he could remember who's hands were holding him. They pulled him down, let him rest on the floor again. He felt suddenly short of breathe, his lungs were on fire. Trowa couldn't breathe. His eyes closed painfully. There was a sharp pain in between his ribs. Cold hands searched his wrist for a pulse.

"Damn it Trowa!! Come on!! Breathe, damn it!!" a frightened voice yelled in his ear. It sounded so close to him now. Trowa knew it. _Quatre?_ "Damn it!! Trowa don't you dare die on me!!" Something pressed painfully against his ribs, rhythmic, almost like a heartbeat. His heart beat noisily in his ears. _Did my heart just start to beat?_ Sweet air rushed into his lungs. Trowa accepted it gratefully. Eyes closed, he breathed a deep breath and coughed loudly. It felt strange to have air in his lungs again. "Trowa!" The voice cried happily. Trowa took several shaky breathes and opened his eyes to find himself on the floor of the house Quatre had let him use, with Quatre and Duo leaning over him. _Huh?? How'd I get here?_ "Oh thank Allah."

"Yeah what he said." Duo said. He moved his cold hand off of Trowa's wrist. Trowa searched the area. He still couldn't figure out what was going on. Duo had a hand on Trowa's chest, covering it with a blood soaked cloth. "Trowa?"

"...How'd I get here?" Trowa asked. His chest burned painfully.

"You were shot." Quatre said. Trowa looked up at him. It hurt to see him, looking so much like Nanashi. Quatre smiled faintly at him. "You...you weren't breathing when we got here."

"We?" Trowa asked. He heard footsteps.

"The area's clear. They must have taken off." Wufei stated. He looked down at Trowa on the floor. "You're alive. Good." Heero leaned against the door frame, silent. They avoided each other's eyes. It seemed strange to think that they had gotten in such an argument only that morning. Or yesterday morning, whichever it was. "And there is no sign of...Nanashi?" Wufei struggled slightly to remember the name. Trowa's eyes closed, letting out a frustrated sigh. Heero made a small sound, like a groan. Trowa gave him a hateful glare. "How you doing?'

"...I'm lying on the floor with a bullet in my chest, how do you think I'm doing?" Trowa snapped, a bit harsher than he had meant. Duo snickered to himself.

"Better than being clinically dead for five minutes." Duo said. Trowa looked at him. "Well you were." _Well that would probably explain why I can't remember everything. _But the fact that he had almost died was not about to stop him from bring Nanashi back to him. Pushing himself up a bit, Trowa ignored the pain in his chest. "Hey, lay back down! You're gonna hurt yourself."

"I don't care." Trowa hissed, trying to ignore the pain. Duo pushed him back gently into Quatre's lap. Trowa was only slightly grateful for the relief of the pain. He had to find Nanashi and he wasn't going to be able to do it while lying on his back. "Duo, I can't just sit here."

"And why not?" Duo asked, still holding him back. Trowa growled slightly. "You have a bullet in your chest. You're not going anywhere till that heals."

"I can't wait that long. Nanashi, he's-" Trowa was interrupted by a sigh and head shake from Heero. Trowa longed for something that he could throw at him. "Don't do that Yuy." Heero said nothing. There was a disturbing silence.

"Trowa, you're in no condition to go anywhere." Quatre said. Trowa's eyes closed. He knew that Quatre was right but that didn't mean he wanted to accept it. He growled quietly at his situation. "Trowa please try to relax until we get you fixed up."

"And how long is that going to take?" Trowa asked. Something rustled and he opened his eyes. Heero was much closer to him. There was a black bag in his hand. _No flipping way._ "Oh no! No!! You are not doing meatball surgery on me!! No way in hell!!"

"You're the one complaining about time." Heero said with a frown. There was a strange glint in his eye. Trowa growled.

"None of you are touching me with a scalpel. None of you! I'd sooner blow my-" Trowa's sentence stopped. Something had pierced his arm. His eyes drooped. Why did he suddenly feel so tired? Heero's face faded dizzily. Trowa thought he saw the blurry outline of a syringe. He mumbled a curse, unsure of what he actually said and fell back into Quatre's arms. _Damn you, Heero..._

It felt like Trowa's eyes had just dropped when he felt the desire to open them again. He heard a gentle talking beside him. He felt something soft under his back. _The couch?_ There was a warm blanket covering his chest. Absently, he finger the area where the wound had been. It was absent and a cool cloth replaced it. As he questioned it with his eyes closed, a soft hand covered his own. Trowa prayed that it was Nanashi. That everything that had transpired was nothing but a bad dream. Fate was not that kind. Trowa's eyes opened, scanning the room. He was on his back in living room, sunlight bathing over him. And it was Quatre's hand that cupped his own. Not Nanashi's. Trowa repressed the urge to let out a sob.

"You're awake. Good, I was getting worried." Quatre sighed. It hurt to look at him. He looked so much like his Nanashi.

"...How long was I out?" Trowa asked, trying to subtle avoid looking at him.

"A few hours. I was starting to wonder if Heero gave you too much." Quatre said with a faint smile. Trowa said nothing for a moment. "Don't worry. He did every thing well. Sterilized all his instruments, didn't let anyone else near you so they wouldn't contaminant anything."

"Didn't know Heero could do meatball surgery..." Trowa mumbled. Quatre shrugged.

"Neither did I. But I gave up on trying to figure out everything Heero can do." Quatre said, a small laugh in his voice. Trowa didn't return it. He still couldn't believe Heero had cut him open while he was out on the floor. He didn't like the idea, not at all. Heero and him were still on opposite sides and who knows what Heero could have done. He could've have done something to prevent him from helping Nanashi. _Even if its unlikely...its possible, right? _Quatre sensed his worry. "Don't worry. He was very thorough." He paused and his voice dropped slightly. "Heero's always very thorough..."

"I meant what I said Quatre..." Trowa spoke after a few moments of awkward silence. Quatre nodded a bit. "I will kill anyone who tries to hurt Nanashi...and I meant anyone."

"I know Trowa. You don't make idle threats. When you make threats that is..." Quatre's voice trailed off. Trowa knew he was not finished.

"But?" Trowa asked, leading Quatre further into his words. Quatre smiled at him, an understanding smile.

"Perhaps he just needs to understand." Quatre said. "The way I needed to."

"You are not as hard headed as Heero though." Trowa argued. _Or myself as well._ Quatre shrugged slightly.

"I dunno. Provided with the proper argument, even the perfect soldier's mind can be changed." Quatre's eyes pulled away from his. They shared a silent conversation with someone behind Trowa. Trowa waited patiently for Quatre's attention. "I'm going to go help the others. They're looking for any leads onto where they might have gone. I'll come check on you later." Quatre said. He rose and strode quickly from the room, closing the front door behind him. Trowa pushed himself up, sitting with his back to the person he knew was behind him.

"...I suppose I should thank you Heero." Trowa said quietly. He tried his hardest not to look back into his comrade's face. Heero's shadow fell over his bare shoulders. "If it hadn't been for you, I would probably be dead...thank you." Heero said nothing but he moved around to the other side of the couch. Trowa still refused to look up at him but he moved his legs, sitting fully up right and wrapping the blanket around himself. Sitting beside him, they did not speak. Not for a fairly long time. _Guess we are still mad at each other..._

"...Feeling any better?" Heero asked abruptly. Trowa looked at him slightly. Heero's eyes were closed as he leaned back into the couch.

"...Yeah. Much better now that there's no bullet in my chest..."

"That's not what I meant." Heero said. He watched Trowa's expression. Trowa seemed slightly shocked. "...I meant now that you're away from us...do you feel better?"

"Getting away from everything wasn't what made me feel better..." Trowa sighed. _Being away from everyone didn't fill the gaping void in me. Nanashi did that. Even if I didn't leave, Nanashi still would be what fought and destroyed my loneliness. _

"Nanashi did that?" Heero asked. Trowa couldn't tell if there was anger in his voice. He nodded, unwilling to open his mouth. "I still don't trust him..."

"Oh come off it Heero!" Trowa groaned. Heero's eyes fell onto him again. "Nanashi isn't a killer by choice."

"Still-"

"Still nothing!" Trowa snapped. "If anything, he's almost exactly like you!" _Except for the fact he's not nearly as cold. _"A victim. You never had a choice and neither does he! He can't be completely blamed for what he's done. Do we completely blame you?!" Trowa demanded. The thought of Nanashi being back with C.R.Y.P.T. made Trowa want to cry again. But he held his emotions in check to gage Heero's reaction. He said nothing, his eyes no longer on Trowa but looking coldly at the wall. Trowa sighed heavily.

"...You really do love him...huh?" Heero asked in a quiet voice. "...And if I was to try and kill him?"

"...When I thought you killed him, you have no idea of the pain you put me through. I felt like I was never going to be happy again. I wanted to die...I'm not letting you take my happiness away again, Heero. I don't care what I have to do. You took away my happiness once but I got it back. I'm not letting you strip me of it again."

"You're a fool." Heero laughed softly.

"No more than you." Trowa answered. Heero looked at him. "Don't think that you're nothing like me."

"What makes you think that?"

"You think I'm a fool because I love Nanashi. Even if he's a killer, a tool for C.R.Y.P.T." Heero said nothing. "You're no different. You love Duo as much as I love him." Heero scoffed slightly. Narrowing his eyes, Trowa gave him a searching stare. "Tell me. If it was Duo who was a killer for them, would you kill him? Would you let anyone hurt him?"

"Absolutely." Heero said a little too quickly. Trowa laughed.

"Don't lie, Heero." He snickered. Heero sighed a bit, running a hand through his hair.

"Alright, fine. I'd probably be as stupid and fucking hard headed as you're being. Probably..." Heero sighed. He crossed his arms again.

"You still don't trust him..." Trowa said. Again, Heero refused to respond. Trowa groaned and laid his head on the back of the couch. "Did you even look at the disk? Did you even look at anything they did to him?" He never did answer Trowa's question before. Still silent, Trowa sighed heavily. _Why did I expect you to answer that?_ "Never mind...of course you didn't."

"Actually I did, while you were out." Heero said finally. Trowa looked him over. Heero frowned slightly. "Those people are sick." _Yeah they are..._ Heero looked at him; there was a strange gleam in his eyes. "So I was thinking a simple infiltration/rescue. Nothing difficult." Trowa was staring blankly at him, letting his words register in his head. "You up for it?"

"Up...for it?" Trowa mumbled back. He was still having a hard time swallowing Heero's words.

"That's what you wanted, isn't it?" Heero said. Trowa nodded slowly. "Alright then. We'll leave Nanashi to you. We can handle everything else. Come on, get dressed." Heero got off the couch and headed to the front door.

"Heero!" Trowa called before Heero left. He looked back at him, eyes still the same but with a small hint of happiness.

"...Thank you." Heero simply nodded and continued on his way outside. Trowa stood a bit. He felt slightly winded. He was still wounded, even if Heero had done a fairly good job. Accomplishing this task was going to take a lot of effort on his part. _But I'm not giving in. I'll get you out of there Nanashi. I promise._

* * *

"I hate you...I hate you all..." Nanashi moaned weakly. He was alone, he had been alone for an hour or so. He hardly recognized his own voice, it was so hoarse. Shouting at the top of his lungs, cursing and screaming for the last few hours had not helped him at all. In fact, it had made things a whole lot worse.

They had dragged him away, tore him away from the happiness he had found. They locked him in this metal room, different from his own. Nanashi had been cursing them the entire way, his words muffled by the gag. It was finally removed and Nanashi cursed them with every profanity he could think of. He hated them so much and Nanashi wanted them to know it. But that didn't help his situation. Not in the least.

Nanashi suffered the most savage beating of his life. He had tried to remain stoic, declaring his loathing for them all in a calm voice. But soon he couldn't hold it back. His terrified and agonized screams echoed off the walls. Blood splashed and stained the reflective surface beneath him. He had never experienced such pain, such torment. It seemed surreal. The thin pair of jeans, the only clothing he had to cover himself with, tore and shredded in the onslaught. Nanashi knew what they were planning; he thought he would be able to handle what was coming next.

He would never be prepared for violation. Tears streamed down his face at the pain and humiliation of it all. They tortured him, beat him, took him. And now all Nanashi could do was think about Trowa, think about what they had had, wonder whether or not he was dead, and try to convince himself that it wasn't his fault. Nanashi screams finally silenced. They left him; he couldn't stand, he could barely move. He hung from his wrists, suspended in the center of the room, unable to move his limbs without experiencing extreme pain. Talking in a quiet voice, he continued to curse them, mixing soft sobs with his rage. He could hardly talk now, mumbling to himself. The voice in the back of his head had been cursing him, belittling him all the while. Nanashi had given up on fighting against it and hung there, bloody and cold.

"...Trowa..." Nanashi sobbed. Another set of tears mixed with his blood. He still couldn't get it out of his head. The vision of Trowa sprawled on the carpet, blood staining it. He looked so cold, so peaceful like that. Nanashi wanted to throw up. "Oh god Trowa..." He coughed. The voice began to hiss again but Nanashi was too tired to understand what it was saying. He focused on Trowa's face. It brought him comfort. _...You're dead...Its all my fault...God I'm so sorry Trowa...I'm sorry!!!_ Suddenly, he felt it. The feeling of an embrace, arms wrapping about his waist, hands cradling his drooping head. The voice was so soft.

_"Now, now Little one..."_

_Jack?_ Something hushed him; another set of hands held him. Invisible hands cradled him; Nanashi welcomed the hallucination. Nanashi relaxed a little more.

_"Nanashi, don't be like that."_

_Trowa..._

_"We do not blame you..."_

_"How could we blame you?"_

_There must have been something-_

_"Hush...We are victims of Naturalism."_

_"All of us."_

_All of us?_

_"All of us."_

_...Everyone is a victim of Naturalism...but doesn't that mean-_

Nanashi didn't have the chance to finish his thought. The invisible hands released him as the door opened. Nanashi's eyes rose slightly to see the blonde officer enter, alone. Nanashi was slightly worried about what would happen next. With him being unable to defend himself, he could do whatever he wanted with Nanashi's weakened form. He trembled slightly as the officer circled him, examining him. Nanashi wish he could just pull himself away; his face turned away, his eyes closed. The officer gripped his chin painfully and drew his attention back.

"I don't think so, Angra Mainyu. I need you to pay strict attention to me." The officer growled. Nanashi looked at him and mustered all the strength he could to spit squarely in his face.

"I hate you..." He hissed. He took the hit in silence; he face was already numb with pain. Another hit made no difference. "I hate you so fucking much...I wish you would die..."

"Now that won't do Angra Mainyu." The officer smirked. Nanashi's rage was boiling again.

"Nanashi..." He whispered softly, barely head.

"What was that?"

"Nanashi!!! Nanashi, Nanashi, Nanashi!!! My name is Nanashi!! Not Angra Mainyu!!! I'm not some pet! You can't take away my name or will!!! I'm not yours!!! My name is and will always be Nanashi1!!!" Nanashi shrieked. He coughed violently, feeling his whole body shake. He expected the officer to growl at him, yell at him, strike him. Call him nothing but a tool. But instead, he laughed, a laugh he hated.

"You truly think that, Angra Mainyu?" The officer asked. He moved away. Nanashi could hear something rustling, could smell burning metal. He wondered what was going on. Something hot came close to the skin on his back. Nanashi tensed. "You were always mine."

"That's a lie." Nanashi snapped back. His voice was fading more and more, cracking under the strain of speaking.

"Oh if only that were so." The officer laughed. Something that burned like the fires of Hell pressed into his shoulder blade. Nanashi cried out to the best of his ability. "That would make this a little easier, wouldn't it?"

"What...What are you doing?" Nanashi asked between sobs. He laughed. The burning sensation moved, slowly curving and retracing its steps over and over again. He could feel the skin burn away, feel the blood flow.

"A rather old way of marking property, but still effective." The blonde smiled. Nanashi clenched his fists and panted.

"I...I...am not...p...pr...property..." He gasped. The burning went a little deeper. Nanashi whimpered at the branding as it etched out a letter in a slow, steady motion.

"You'd think that wouldn't you? But then again, no one has told you differently. No one has told you the truth, have they Nanashi?" The officer asked. Nanashi's eyes opened. He couldn't recall the last time the officer had ever called him "Nanashi." And what truth was he baiting him for? What did he know that Nanashi didn't. Nanahsi's curiosity rose.

"...What truth?" Nanashi asked finally. There was a soft chuckle behind him. The pain stayed in one spot for a moment. Nanashi tried to hold his whimpering in check.

"Now, I'm not so sure I want to tell you, Nanashi." There was a strange tone when he said his name, like it was a comical insult. A powerful hand gripped his aching shoulder. He laughed some more. "I'd hate to break your perspective." Nanashi wasn't sure what he meant but he wanted to know this truth the officer was speaking off. The officer gave a mocking sigh. "Well if you insist. I'd hate to see your curiosity unsatisfied." A bloody "C" was now etched into the flesh on Nanashi's back. A soft whimper escaped him; he could feel the officer's grin. A gentle melody suddenly filled the room. Nanashi recognized it and felt like throwing up.

"...Why?" Nanashi asked. How could he force Nanashi to listen to such a beautiful song as he tortured him. The officer sighed, almost happily.

"Did you think you and Jack were the only ones who liked 'Green Sleeves?'" The officer asked. Pain erupted in his back again. Nanashi's tears flowed.

"...You...you knew J...Jack?" Nanashi asked between pants.

"Oh I knew him very well." There was a frightening hint in his voice. "I know you both very well."

"I...I don't understand..." Nanashi said. The officer laughed.

"Of course you don't. You don't understand much of anything." Nanashi growled slightly at the insult. The pain increased. "Heh, did you never notice?"

"...Notice what?" Nanashi gasped. The officer stopped. He lifted Nanashi's face, focused Nanashi's face on his own. With a strange and mocking smile, he brushed some bangs away from his eyes. Those beautiful azure eyes. Eyes that were so familiar except for the hate and cruelty in them. Jack's eyes, if Jack was even capable of hate. _Jack..._

"...I...I don't understand..." Nanashi felt a small shiver go through him as he spoke. How could he not notice, in all those years? How could he not see the resemblance of their eyes? The officer laughed, the music swelled.

"Its so obvious, isn't it Nanashi?" The officer grinned. He touched Nanashi's cheeks, looked him over. "You look so much like me...but your brother received my eyes. You have your mother's. So beautifully...so wonderfully and sickeningly beautiful." He slapped him painfully. "I hated those eyes." Nanashi sobbed, loudly. Not out of pain but out of the hints the officer was dropping. _No, it...it can't be true!!!_ "What's the matter, Nanashi?" The officer smirked.

"It...It can't be true!" Nanashi sobbed, shaking his head wildly. "It just can't be!"

"What can't be true? That you really are mine?!" There was rage in the officer's voice again. The pain returned, harder and deeper than before. Nanashi almost bit through his lip, trying to keep himself controlled. The hand gripped his throat. "Don't ever think that, Nanashi. You are mine!"

"...You're lying!!" Nanashi yelled, trying to convince himself that he truly was. It wasn't possible, it couldn't be possible. "It's a lie!!!"

"Oh really...well..." The officer smirked. The burning still persisted but he was speaking directly into Nanashi's ear. "I remember very well...how much she enjoyed being with me...poor little British girl. She didn't know the difference between love and lust." Nanashi closed his eyes tightly. The officer forced the pain against his back, closer to his spine. Nanashi's eyes snapped open and the officer gripped his face. "She really thought I was in love with her. Poor Irena, heh. Poor little British whore."

"Shut up!!!" Nanashi hissed. He bit at the officer's fingers. "Don't you ever talk about my mom like that!!!" The officer looked at him for a moment before striking him. But it wasn't with his hand. The hot metal rod went across his face. Nanashi howled, feeling the skin by his eyes seer and burn and bleed. The burn moved down his neck, down his chest. A bloody cross was now etched into his skin, Nanashi could feel every drop of blood that hit the floor. He wailed, choking on his own tears. The officer fingered the flow.

"Now I think you'll control your little outbursts, hm?" The officer said. Nanashi sniffled. Fingers roughly tore the tears away. "You were the one who wanted to know, Nanashi." _I don't want to know any of this._ There was a cruel chuckle in his ear. "So let me continue my story." Nanashi sobbed softly. "Don't start repressing things now...we're not even half way done." "R" was bleeding down his spine.

"God...why?...Why??" Nanashi pleaded. The officer smirked.

"Irena asked that too. 'Why? Why Adrian? Why are you doing this?' It was actually rather humorous." _Adrian...God why are you telling me this?_ "She pretty much loved me in the beginning and hated me in the end."

"...Can't blame her..." Nanashi mumbled. Another letter began to etch itself. Nanashi's eyes were being blinded.

"No I suppose not. A mother is very protective of her young, an animalistic instinct." Adrian said, still moving the burn along Nanashi's numbing back. "She swore to me she would never let me have you...either of you." A cruel laugh escaped the older blonde's lips. Nanashi cringed at the sound of it. "Irena always seemed so determined...I can still see that determination in you..." The pain increased slightly then faded back to its former. "All she wanted to do was protect the two of you."

"From you..." Nanashi completed his sentence, wondering if his tears would ever stop falling.

"Yes from me." Adrian laughed. Nanashi's mind was starting to feel somewhat hallow...as though he was slipping away, being a drawn away in a sea of truths. He closed his eyes sadly, listening unable to try to block it out. He was becoming so tired, so blackened. "She gave me two. Heh, two that I could've used...but I only got to use one. And I had to pick the one just like his bitch of a mother." The pain increased again. Nanashi's pants rose an octave. "Originally, I wanted to use Jack." Nanashi felt a small bit of rage consume him. His fist clenched as best they could. "Jack had a great deal of potential...but by the time I could get to him, Irena was onto me and then well..."

"...And then?" Nanashi repeated quietly.

"Don't tell me he never told you." Adrian laughed. Nanashi said nothing, scolding himself for allowing himself to be baited again. "Hehehe. Well Nanashi, don't remember how Irena died?" Nanashi's eyes closed. He wished his hands were free so he could cover his ears. _I'm not listening, I'm not listening, I'm not listening. _"She longed to save you both. She was willing to do anything, even kill you both," Nanashi let out a small cry. "just to keep you both safe. But that didn't work well enough. It was very simple, her plan. A simple powerful poison, slipped into each of your drinks. The three of you were going to die together. All I had to do was slip the antidote to you both." He laughed then felt it, the quaking of Nanashi's weakening and bloody body. Adrian silence, listening, waiting for Nanashi's words.

"...Mommy..." Nanashi wept. Hot, frightened tears slid into his blood. "Mommy...how could you...why? Why did you kill yourself...oh Mommy..." His voice sounded so young, the child in him that had been deprived. Fingers played in the blood, smeared it along his back. "Mommy!"

Adrian didn't say anything for a long time. He listened to Nanashi's weeping, still etching the letter into Nanashi's back. His body had become very weak, he felt nothing but a vague pain every so often now. The skin was growing numb, his eye sight was fading more and more. More tears slid down his skin, mingled and danced with the blood on the floor.

"...Dad..." Nanashi said quietly. There was a small spasm in the officer, the hot iron had jabbed into him. "...Why..." Lifting his head slightly, he dared to ask, dared to know. "Why...did you do this...to me..." Nanashi begged. Adrian, his biological father whom he had now acknowledge, took Nanashi chin in his hand, still etching.

"Because, Angra," Nanashi felt shut away suddenly. "We needed you. We needed your skills...we needed a killer." The pain increased again. "Heh, so we took you." Nanashi whimpered again, feeling so very lonely and lost. He closed his eyes, and hung, a doll on its strings. The urge to be wanted came back very strong. _Jack...god I wish you would sit beside me...I want to see you...I want to see Trowa. I want to feel Trowa again. I..._ He sniffled. _I want my mother..._ "Y." "C.R.Y."

Something blared outside the room. Nanashi wasn't sure what it was. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. The pain left his back; he was cold, so very cold. Adrian said nothing, simply left. The room became quiet, suffocating. The music was soft still; Nanashi had forgotten it was playing. He listened to the cords and melody, trying to find some pleasure in it. There was none. No pleasure in his favorite melody. Nanashi let out a pain stricken sigh and fell, letting his consciousness shatter against the wounds and the reality, letting himself float between the light of living and the void of death.

No sooner had he fallen into that strange state was he yanked out of it. Someone cried out to him, a familiar someone. Whatever had been holding him up, be it chain or rope or his own weakness, it fell away. Nanashi's feet hit the ground. His weak legs crumpled instantly and he felt himself falling, about to crash into the hard, metallic floor. But gentle, strong arms caught him. A familiar embrace surrounded him. Trembling fingers skated along the blood and grime on his skin, along the remnants of his beating, his branding, and his humiliation. He could hear a faint curse, a small sob. A pair of soft lips caressed his blood covered cheek. Forcing his eyes opened, Nanashi looked weakly from his position, resting back in someone's arms. He looked to the owner's face, felt his heart leap as he fingered the familiar hair that covered the majority of his lover's face.

"T...Trowa...you're...ok..." Nanashi said. His throat hurt and his smile was weak. Trowa nodded, tried to smile at him but failed. It was hard for Nanashi to smile now as well. Tears started to well in his eyes again. _I don't think I'll ever stop crying..._ Trowa brushed them aside.

"Don't cry Nanashi...I'll get you out of here. We'll...We'll get you cleaned up." Trowa's throat tightened as he spoke. He held Nanashi a little closer to him, in an effort to hold onto him and to warm him. "Everything will be okay then..." Nanashi wailed softly. He gripped Trowa's shirt and sobbed. "Nanashi...oh God, what is it?"

"How could they?" Nanashi wept. "Mum, how could you kill yourself?" Nanashi hiccupped slightly in between his shudders and wails. "Dad how could you do this!? How could you do this to us, to mum, to Jack?! How could you do this to me!?"

Trowa said nothing. He didn't have to say anything, didn't have to understand. Tenderly, he pulled Nanashi closer. Nanashi could feel him rock him back and forth slightly, trying to calm him. Nanashi sobbed into Trowa's chest. Trowa's hands rubbed his back, his voice spoke softly, carefully. Suddenly exhausted, Nanashi gave into Trowa's request for him to rest. And he did, burying his tearstained face against Trowa and returning to his pained darkness.

* * *

Trowa sat in the middle of the metallic floor, cradling his battered Nanashi. There were still tears falling down his frail lover's cheeks. Trowa wiped them away with shaky hands, resting his lips against Nanashi's matted down, blonde locks. He felt Nanashi's blood soak into his clothes and spread across him. It made his stomach twist into vile knots. _Oh Nanashi...what have they done to you?_ It seemed strange to him that Nanashi had only been away from him for a few hours and yet he was so injured.

Nanashi made a small noise, like another whimper. All he had been making was small noises. Small whimpers, tiny cries, soft words. He sounded so weak and tired but he was sleeping now. Or unconscious, whichever. Trowa continued to rock him slightly, to comfort him. He heaved a shaky sigh and sat in Nanashi's blood, holding him to his heart.

"...M...Mommy..." Nanashi whimpered in his anguished rest. Trowa hushed him and pulled him further onto his lap, hooking his arms underneath Nanashi's bloody back and his knees. Trowa watched his tears sadly. He knew what Nanashi was speaking of. _"Mum, how could you kill yourself?"_ Nanashi had sobbed. _"Dad how could you do this!? How could you do this to us, to mum, to Jack?! How could you do this to me!?"_ Trowa clung to the sleeping boy, listened to his lethargic and grief filled words, still somewhat confused by them. "D...Dad...w...why..." He sniveled in his rest.

"Shh...its ok Nanashi..." Trowa cooed into his ear, kissing his cheek softly. He lifted Nanashi off the floor, felt his head fall against his shoulder. Trowa staggered slightly. His chest was still hurting a bit. It hadn't been very long since Heero had pulled the bullet out of him. "But that doesn't matter...I have to get you out of here."

Trowa turned slightly. Far off, he could hear the vague sounds of violence and death. The plan had been entirely too simple for the lot of them. Heero and Duo were the distraction, drawing the fire from two different points. Wufei and Quatre were to take care of the security system, shutting things down from the inside out. And Trowa was to retrieve Nanashi. Which he had done. Now all he had to do was get out and meet up with the others. He staggered slightly, trying to adjust to the weight in his arms and the pain still making his body feel weak. _We'll get out of here Nanashi. I promise and then you'll never have to come back._

The noise was deafening, the pain sudden. Trowa felt his body spin about, his legs giving way underneath the sudden weakness and pain in his torso. His knees hit the metal floor. Trowa spun himself slightly to not crush Nanashi in the fall. Nanashi's eyes opened frightened as they both rammed into the floor. Gasping heavily, Trowa's eyes closed, wrapping an arm about Nanashi's small waist. Nanashi whimpered and so did Trowa. _Damn it! I feel like I'm on fire...god I can't move my leg..._

"Trowa..." Nanashi whimpered, a few tears brimming. Trowa wiped them away before the footsteps began their cross. Pressing Nanashi against him, he rolled as far away as he could. He felt his back bump into the wall. Trowa forced himself up, gripping Nanashi's body and glaring at the blonde officer.

"I thought I killed you." he snapped. Trowa growled.

"And leave Nanashi for you? Bullshit." Trowa hissed. His arms snaked their way about Nanashi's torso and arms, earning a small noise from the boy who pressed closer to him. "I'll go through Hell to pry him away from you, you sick bastard." The officer started towards them. Nanashi's noises increased, he clung to Trowa desperately. Trowa looked to him for a moment. The officer was crossing the distance quickly. "I'll come back Nanashi..." He placed a small kiss on the shivering boy's lips and set him down on the ground. Ignoring the pain, Trowa forced himself to stand and face the officer.

The fight was far more one sided then Trowa had expected. Trowa found the old wound and the new one didn't help him at all to defend himself against the officer. True, it wasn't a complete and total massacre, but Trowa struggled far more than he had ever before. At one point, Trowa was completely on the defensive, finding it hard to simply protect himself. All the while, Nanashi watched frozen against the wall. Barely able to lift himself, he watched Trowa struggle but Trowa wasn't aware of his audience. Once, the officer went for his gun again. Trowa managed to force it away, kick it from his hands and send it across the floor.

"Son of a bitch!" the officer cursed. Trowa's breath was suddenly gone. He felt himself thrown into a table. He cursed himself for being so light. Trying to steady himself, Trowa managed to stand before something connected with his lower back. Trowa gasped. He fell, hand falling on the dial of the radio on the table, listening with an odd fascination as the music changed.

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless  
Lost under the surface  
I don't know what you're expecting of me  
Put under the pressure  
Of walking in your shoes_

_Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you_

_Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow_

_I've become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
Become so tired  
So much more aware  
I'm becoming this  
All I want to do  
Is be more like me  
And be less like you_

"Trowa!" Nanashi called out as best he could. Before Trowa even had the chance to look to his young lover, he felt a swift kick to the side of his head. A white then red veil covered his vision. Trowa felt a strange tug of vertigo on his senses. Trowa's body slid against the floor through the blood. The cold metal scraping against his back as his thin shirt scrunched underneath him. "No...Stop!!" Nanashi begged. Trowa felt fingers clamp about his throat, squeeze it. Trowa bucked underneath, tried to pull away. Knees held down his stomach and legs, crushing them. Trowa's fingers pressed against the shoulders leaning over him, his vision fading in and out.

"God stop!! Please!!" Nanashi begged. Trowa could hear him trying to rise, could almost hear his tears splashing against the floor. "Adrian, stop...A...Adrian please!!" _Adrian...Adrian Mullen?_ Trowa recognized the name from the disk as he struggled. Breathing started to become harder. "Trowa! Let him go!...Please let Trowa go!!..." Nanashi coughed loudly.

"Silence Angra Mainyu!" Adrian hissed and held Trowa's throat tighter. A choked gasped escaped him as he tried to breathe and failed. His struggling became weaker; Adrian grinned at Trowa's on coming submission. Nanashi cursed quietly, begging.

_Can't you see that you're smothering me  
Holding too tightly  
Afraid to lose control  
'Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you_

_Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow  
Every step that I take is  
Another mistake to you  
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow  
And every second I waste  
Is more than I can take_

_I've become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
Become so tired  
So much more aware  
I'm becoming this  
All I want to do  
Is be more like me  
And be less like you_

Trowa felt himself slipping away. Sounds melted together but he could still hear Nanashi's screaming, his cursing, his pleading clearly. As though he was the one straddling him with hands about Trowa's throat.

"No! God no Adrian!" Nanashi sobbed. There was a strange rustling sound. "Please...Please Dad...don't take him away...Please!!" _Dad? _Trowa's eyes opened a bit, fighting off blindness. In the light, he saw the similarities. The same color hair, the same kind of thin, sculpted, almost angelic face. The same pale skin. But Nanashi's eyes were not as dark. _Holy shit..._ If Trowa could speak, he would curse Adrian with everything he had. He'd break him if he could move anymore than he already was. _That bastard, that asshole, that fucker! His flesh and blood!! God, you bastard, how could you!?_

Adrian could see the rage in Trowa's eyes. He could see the hate and Trowa could see his own hate in the angry blue eyes that were starting to fade. Adrian cursed him but it fell on deafening ears. There was a brief pain but Trowa's senses were shutting down. _D...Damn..._ He could've sworn someone opened the door, bathed him in a brilliant fading light. There was a fading shout. _...I'm sorry...Nanashi... _The deafening noise startled him. Air rushed back to his lungs.

_And I know  
I may end up failing too  
But I know  
You were just like me  
With someone disappointed in you_

_I've become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
Become so tired  
So much more aware  
I'm becoming this  
All I want to do  
Is be more like me  
And be less like you_

_I've become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be_

_I've become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be_

Something warm trickled down on Trowa's face. His eyes opened again. Adrian's back was arched, his fingers slightly wrapped around his neck still. Blood dribbled down his lips and splashed onto Trowa's skin. The blonde's eyes were wide with surprise, before drooping and clouding with death firmly holding him. The body begin to slump to the side. Trowa let out a hacking cough, shoving the body slightly. He stared at the bullet hole in the man's back, close to his heart. Looking to the door, Trowa watched Heero while panting for air. He did have a gun in his hand but it was down at his side. Heero wasn't even looking at the dead body, his gaze was cast to the side. There was a strange look on his face, 12almost of shock. Trowa followed his gaze.

Nanashi propped himself on an elbow, holding the still smoking gun in a trembling hand. There was rage and fear in Nanashi's dark and jaded eyes. He spoke softly, Trowa couldn't hear what he was saying but by the tears that were flowing from his love's eyes, he could tell that Nanashi was terrified. Dropping the gun, Nanashi gave into his weakness again. His head hit the floor. He shivered, arms wrapping around himself as he quaked.

Weakly, Trowa forced himself up, staggering slightly but ignoring the pain and lack of air in his lungs. He sat down beside Nanashi, who pulled away slightly when Trowa placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. Nanashi's body slid easily into Trowa's arms. He cradled him again, resting his tired head against Nanashi's.

"...I'm...so sorry..." Nanashi whimpered.

"Don't talk..." Trowa said, gaining a little more strength to his voice. Nanashi looked up at him. Trowa smiled down at him, forgetting more and more about the blood seeping out of him. "Rest..." Nanashi remained silently, curling in Trowa's warm arms. Trowa sighed somewhat. He wondered if he could even get up now.

"...He okay?" Heero asked. His voice surprised Trowa. Trowa's eyes looked over his face; Heero had been beside him for several minutes without him realizing it. Trowa didn't answer at first, merely held his Nanashi close to him, felt Nanashi's shaky breathe on his neck. Heero got down beside them. Examined Nanashi with his eyes, making mental notes of his wounds. Nanashi must have felt Heero's presence; he shrank further into Trowa's arms. "We should get him out of here..." Trowa nodded and finally tried to stand. He couldn't, at least not while trying to carry Nanashi. Trowa growled slightly at his own weakness. _Damn, I can't carry him..._

But Trowa didn't have to. Heero moved Nanashi off his lap and forced Trowa to stand. With a shocked look plastered on his face, Heero put Nanashi on his back. There was a small twitch in Heero's form as he felt Nanahsi's breathe on his shoulder and his blood staining his clothes. He spoke silently to Trowa. Trowa nodded slowly, following him out of the room with his hand over the wound in his torso. He found it very hard to walk in a straight line because of it.

"Hey, let me help..." Duo said suddenly. Trowa jumped a bit, unaware that he had come up beside him. Trowa thanked him quietly as Duo pulled his arm over his shoulder and walked with him. He let his legs give a little bit, let his body rest somewhat as Duo helped him back outside. The others were waiting, blood splattered and somewhat tired looking. Quatre smiled sadly at Trowa. Trowa returned it weakly. He walked among them, leaving the base behind. Heero looked back for a moment after they had walked a fairly good distance, stopped as the others continued on. Trowa could almost hear the click of the detonation switch. Sighing contently, Trowa listened to the explosions from behind them, taking a certain satisfaction that C.R.Y.P.T. would never get a hold of Nanashi again. _Its over Nanashi, you'll be safe now...I'll make sure that you will always be safe..._

* * *

_Ok Author's notese_

_The song, the song is called "Numb" by Linkin Park. Like the other songs it has sgnificant meaning, plus it fits Nanashi's mood. He has never spoken out against Adrian and now he's done and its over and to end it all, he'll do whatever it takes...yeah sucky explination but still..._

_MeatBall surgery: ever seen M.A.S.H? ...ok well M.A.S.H. is a comedy about a mobil army surgical hospital during the Korean war. Meatball surgery is basically front line surgery. Its not neat or pretty, its fast and efficent so that the soldiers can heal fast and get back to the front lines. They use the term often in that series and I'm borrowing it._

_Heero: I have no idea if Heero could do meatball surgery and I don't care! He's the perfect soldier so I wouldn't be surprised if he could. Heero can do anything -.-_

_And yes, Nanashi is suppose to be a perfect soldier like Heero, however not exactly like him since well...you can figure it out can't you??? hm...anything else??? i dunno...well RR please_


	8. Chapter 8

_Finally Chapter, short and sweet. Some meanings but mainly, just to let everyone know things will be alright._

* * *

Chapter 8: Fare thee well, little one

A harsh and bitter wind whipped at the long black jacket he had upon his shoulders. Buttoned all the way to his chin, he walked slowly across the frost covered cemetery, cradling the simple gift. Hair fell into his eyes but he brushed it away, feeling only a slight pain from his old wounds. Stopping before the simple grave, he looked it over. It seemed far too plain for someone so important and yet it seemed perfect for them as well. He grasped the dead flowers in the vase, replaced them with the bouquet he had bought just an hour before. A graceful hand ran across the headstone, fingering the etchings.

"...I know I haven't been here since you were buried, Jack." Nanashi sighed. He ran a finger across the faint scars by his eyes. "But I've been in bed for a while..."

Nanashi fell silent for a moment. He was remembering. Remembering waking days later, days after being tortured and raped, days after murdering his own father, remembering waking in that warm bed that he and Trowa had shared. He was bandaged and wrapped up in warm, loose pajamas and blankets. Nanashi had no idea where he was at first, he thought he was dead. But then he felt it, a hand wrapped around his own. He felt Trowa's hair tickling his skin. Trowa slept with his head on the bed, some music sheets surrounding him as he slept.

Nanashi remembered breaking down into tears at the sight of the room, at remembering everything that had transpired days before. His tears had startled Trowa, who looked up at him with a look of mixed fear and relief. He had sat beside Nanashi, hugged him gently as Nanashi sobbed. That happened a lot during the month that Nanashi spent in bed. Him feeling Trowa's compassion and love for him. Nanashi sighed again and pulled himself away from the memory.

"I was in bed for a month. But Trowa took care of me." Nanashi said. He sat cross legged in front of the grave, hugging the gift he had made. "Trowa said he'd always take care of me and I believe him." The cold wintry breeze tugged at him again. "You want to know why, Jack? I thought you would..." Nanashi sighed, feeling a shiver build in him. "They caught me...again. And they took me away from Trowa...but it couldn't have been for very long. A few hours, half a day maybe...but they took me away again..." Nanashi shivered more.

"I made you something." Nanashi changed the subject. He placed the flower halo on the ground before him. "It was kinda hard, since my shoulder still hurts a lot but Trowa helped me out. He's not as good as Mum was," Nanashi laughed a little bit. "but no one ever will be." Nanashi looked back for a moment. He could see Trowa sitting on the bench, wrapped up in a brown trench coat. Waiting in a respectful silence as Nanashi sat and spoke with his brother. "He's here though." Nanashi turned back to the grave. "But he said he was down here before, to talk to you, and that I deserve my own time." Nanashi played with the edge of his coat. He could almost feel Jack questioning him.

"...I...I killed him Jack..." Nanashi whimpered. A tear or two fell onto the white petals. "I killed him, Adrian Mullen. I killed Dad..." Nanashi cried quietly. "He was the one...who did this to us...He never loved Mum...he never loved us...but I killed him Jack. God, I shot him..." Closing his eyes, he hugged himself. "...I felt like I had to Jack. I really did...Jack?" He opened his eyes again and looked at the gray sky above him. Snow would be coming, maybe tomorrow or tonight. "Are you disappointed in me Jack? Did...Did you know him Jack? Did you know who he was? Did it hurt Jack? Did it hurt to look at me because we looked so much alike?" Nanashi laughed in spite of himself, knowing what Jack would say. "Of course not. That's your answer, right Jack? You'd never admit it, even if it was true, would you Jack?" He asked. "How is Mum anyway? I bet you're happy, to be with her again. And maybe...maybe Dad's there too." Nanashi sighed and hugged himself again. "I don't know if that's good or bad. I never really knew how you felt about him. Whether you longed for him to come back or if you hated him beyond reason. I never understood your feelings to him and I guess now I never will...there are still a lot of unanswered questions...but I guess they don't matter anymore, do they Jack?" Nanashi sighed and ran his fingers over his shoulder. He could almost feel the scar through the jacket and sweater. "I don't think that scar is ever going to fade...but it's kinda fitting in a way...C.R.Y....that's all I ever seem to do anymore." Nanashi wiped tears away again. _Trowa would be devastated if he saw I was crying again..._ "I can't help it Jack. I feel so soaked...I still feel dirty, I still feel bloodstained. Its like I'm never going to be clean again..."

Nanashi sat there, crying, watching his tears disappear into the freezing earth. The wind brushed against his face, trying to whip the tears away but only caused more. Sobbing loudly, Nanashi drew his knees to his chest. He cursed himself inside for crying in front of his brother's grave, cursed himself for crying over all the things he couldn't change in himself, cursed himself for still feeling dirty, for letting himself be used. Cursed himself for things he hadn't cursed himself for in such a long time. _God I'm never going to forget any of this!! I'm never going to feel clean!! I'm never going to stop having nightmares, never stop waking Trowa up in the middle of the night with my tears!! God none of this will end!! I don't want to be like this, why won't it stop!!!_ Trowa's familiar arms encircled him, pulled him back into his lap, gently brushed the tears away. He must have heard Nanashi's sobs and come to consol him, as he had been doing often. Nanashi let him, crying softly in his arms.

"Shh...there, there Little one..." Trowa whispered. That simple pet name calmed him, as it always did. Nanashi relaxed a bit, feeling his tears slow. _I hope you don't mind Jack...I want him to call me that...just like you used to...it feels right... _"That's better..." Trowa cooed. He placed a soft kiss on Nanashi's lips.

"I'm sorry..." Nanashi whispered. Trowa put a finger over Nanashi's lips.

"Don't be..." Trowa whispered, wrapping his arms tighter. "Its okay, Nanashi...go ahead and cry..."

"But..." Nanashi started. Trowa stopped him again, pulling him closer and kissing him calmly. He felt Nanashi's tears slide along his face and wiped some of them away. Nanashi looked up at him then back to the grave. "I'm sorry Jack...I wish I could stop crying..."

"I'm sure he understands, don't you Jack?" Trowa said. Nanashi sighed quietly as a cool breeze circled them. Trowa nuzzled him with a small smile. "Of course...I will always cherish Nanashi..." Nanashi felt a blush come to his pale cheeks as Trowa held him and whispered. "I will always cherish you." Nodding slowly, Nanashi fell further back into Trowa's warmth. Trowa put a hand on Nanashi's forehead; his hands were cold. "Are you feeling well, Little one? You look so much paler. Perhaps we should go home. It hasn't been very long since you got up." Trowa said, his words fading slightly as the wind continued to circle them, questioning.

"Oh, I didn't tell him that." Nanashi said. He turned his gaze back to the grave. "I have a home now...just like we wanted, remember Jack? A big house in the middle of nowhere. Heero invited us to stay with them." Nanashi could feel Trowa's grin on his neck. _Trowa really wanted to go back, he missed them, even if he won't admit it._ "So we're going to be living there. Its in the middle of nowhere, just like we wanted. And they're very nice...er well polite I guess you could say. Quatre and Duo are very nice. Duo's pretty funny sometimes, kinda odd but welcoming. And Quatre's always been very welcoming...even after I tried to hurt him." Nanashi quieted for a moment. "Wufei's more indifferent than anything else. He's courteous and somewhat friendly but I'm going to have to work a bit to gain his friendship. But he seems to be understanding and willing to accept me there. Heero...Heero is going to take a lot of work. I can't read him at all...so I don't know if he likes me or not. I don't think he trusts me, but I don't blame him." Trowa's arms tightened again. Nanashi's fingers held his hands a bit. "I'm willing to work hard to earn his trust again...and with C.R.Y.P.T. gone, I can. I'll do whatever it takes. Heero says that I can stay with them as long as I don't do anything to endanger them and pull my own weight and I'm more than happy to." Smiling, Nanashi put his arms around Trowa's neck, shifted his position. _If Trowa will let me, that is._ "So I guess that means I'm going to be okay now."

"Of course you will, Little one." Trowa smiled. "I will make sure of it." They shared a warm kiss. "Shall we go? Or is there more you want to say? I can wait." Nanashi looked to the grave. There was a small smile still on his face. _I'll come back and visit you Jack. You can count on it. I'll come back soon._

"No...that's all...Good bye Jack. I'll come back to see you again." Nanashi bid him farewell. Trowa smiled.

"And don't worry Jack. I'll take good care of Little one. You have my word." Trowa insisted. Nanashi nodded and stood on shaky, cold legs. His jeans were damp from sitting in the wet and cold grass. Trowa smiled at him, scooped him up into his arms, grinning at the blush that Nanashi let spread across his cheeks. "Let's head home, get warmed up." Nanashi nodded. "Goodbye Jack. Next time." And Trowa started his walk, still with a slightly limp to it. Sighing slightly, Nanashi rested against him shoulder. He looked back for just a moment, reading the etchings on the cold stone.

Jack Sebastian Windsor

Loving son, brother, and guardian

"We are all Victims of Naturalism. There are no differences."

_I know Jack...I know..._ Nanashi thought to himself, singing softly, watching the growing smile on Trowa's face as he listened, reminding himself of the truth to those words. "All victims of Naturalism." _I know Jack...I know..._

"_Alas my love you do me wrong  
To cast me out discourteously;  
When I have loved you so so long  
Delighting in your company.  
  
Your gown was of the grassy green  
Your sleeves of satin were hanging by  
Which made you be a harvest queen  
Yet you would not love me"_

"_Green sleeves was my all my joy  
Green sleeves was my delight,  
Green sleeves was my heart of gold  
And who but my lady green sleeves.  
  
Alas my love you do me wrong  
To cast me out discourteously;  
When I have loved you so so long  
Delighting in your company."_

* * *

_Ok that's that_

_Nanashi: don't you have notes?_

_oh yeah, thanks Nanashi. My notes. The wind represents Jack, since it has some very comforting movements. The halo symbolizes Nanashi's understanding and the end of his cycle of killing. The words on the headstone are pretty self explanatory. Everyone is a victim, one way or another. Um i think that's it....yeah i guess so So yeah that's the end_

_Nanashi: do i still have a purpose then?_

_course you do you're in my next story, ok i'm off to write and work on my rotary application RR please, and i hope to get feedback on the next one i write Sayonnara_


End file.
